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How Can I Write This In Much Better Way

How to make writing flow better?

Well, first you might want to omit the cliches. "Silvery tears" are way too overdone. Next the protagonist is only referred to as "she" and the reader has no way of connecting with her. If you don't want to give her a name, then you should describe her more.

Try something along the lines of "the young girl in the frayed summer dress and mismatched socks" or the "older woman with the worn face and sliver-streaked hair"- basically, the reader has to know who "she" is to connect with her and to care about her story.

Also, you say that she has a "bitter" face, but not what makes it bitter. Is it because of melancholy expression? Is it because her face is wrinkled or marred in some way?

Then her eyes turn from a sad grey to happy blue, again, you're being cliched (and indulging in a pathetic fallacy, which should always be avoided).

Basically, to avoid choppiness, you need to add more. Show who the character is, why she is there, the thing progress naturally, let the reader know why she goes from frowning at the dark clouds to smiling in the sun and let things progress from there.

How can i write this better in English ?

Today I was swimming IN the pool helping to teach my 13-year-old cousin how to swim when all of the sudden my cousin and I saw a little girl outside of the porch and the little girl said , “Kely Kely”, (my name). I went after her, but, guess what, BOOM she disappeared; she was already gone.

I changed quite a bit and rearranged some to make it make more sense. I switched up the punctuation so that I could keep it as close to the original as possible but have it make sense. Also, you hyphenate ages if the noun is ambiguous and follows the age...

I hope I helped!

Depending on the material, I may write in my book. What I always do is use multi-color 3M page markers. They often come in multiple colors, so you can color code important sections by type:definitionssample problemsrange of pages an midterm/exam will coverEven when I do write in my book, I find page markers to be an excellent method to quickly find my way back to an area I'm looking for.

Well, there is is officially accepted as there's. Even in the international context.Better than as better'n is, on the other hand, an unreal consideration. Simply because those type of conversion only occur in case of is,have,are, etc.I hope that you're comfortable in understanding the context. If not feel free to say so and I wouldn't mind elaborating further.Best of luck

How can I write this paragraph better?

The film starts with a faded [or fuzzy] close-up shot of a hand. Initially, we don't know whose hand it is, but slowly the image gets clearer and we see that it was a young girl’s hand.

If instead the image is clear but we don't know size, it would be written completely differently.
The camera slowly pulls back to reveal the hand belongs to a young girl.

How can i write these sentences in much better way?

I am writing to inform you that I really enjoyed working with you today, but at the same time I realized I have to start my practice over again. Therefore, I don't feel that I am fit for your office at this time. Thank you for the opportunities for professional and personal development that you have given me.

I really look forward to working with you in the future.


The statement “In this essay I will discuss…” does two things wrong: one, it brings in the author of the essay in an explicit manner, and two, it is a weak way to introduce the thesis.The first problem is easy to solve. Unless it's in a quotation, do not use the words “I” “me” or “my.” You can use “we” or “us” if referring to the audience in an essay on a story.The second problem is easy to solve but not as easy. The first part of it is that this weak version is promising the question rather than the thesis itself. And the second is that it is not taking a side as much as a good essay should.Something I was never taught until after high school was that essays are in their base form, an opinion and an argument for that opinion. The intro paragraph should tell you two things: the question being asked, and your answer. The question could even be implicitly shown rather than completely spelled out.I'm going to share here an intro paragraph on a literary essay that I did in high school. Or at least paraphrase it. This was on the significance of the main character’s name in the Joyce book Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.“In many books and stories, character names can seem to have been pulled from a hat or merely chosen because they sound pleasant when reading. However, Steven Dedalus was named so to give more significance to his character and give the reader a mythological character to compare to him.”Okay, this is a heavily abridged version because I don't have the essay nearby, but you can see how I never referred to the essay itself or promised that I would explain further because it's implicitly expected because there were paragraphs following the thesis statement.TL;DR never refer directly to yourself or use “I” “me” or “my” unless quoting or telling an anecdote, you need to have a strong stance on your thesis, and remember that the promise of further explanation doesn't need to be spelled out.

Is it bad to write better than you actually talk?

I agree with those who say they write and talk the same way. That is your "voice". I have often had students come to me with over written stories. Too many adjectives and adverbs. Loaded with purple prose. They say "but this is better than I talk!" The answer is - no it isn't. You just think it is. I would say about 9 times out of ten, they are overcompensating and over describing.

Then I tell them this. If I invited you to come over to my house. I would take you into my library. We could sit on the leather sofa in front of the fireplace. I would fix hot chocolate and biscotti. Then, I would ask you to TELL me your story. Just sit and tell it to me. The result is that every time they do that, the result is 100% more natural sounding and the narrative is less choppy, easier to read and follow and warmer.

What are they doing wrong? They are trying to sound like they feel an "author" should sound. I often give students three books to read. 1) As I Lay Dying by Faulkner 2) The Old Man and the Sea by Hemingway 3) The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald Three books written by authors who were contemporaries. In fact, they knew each other. Yet the difference between them is night and day. Each has their own voice.

I have dubbed this trying to sound like you think an author sounds as JKRowlingitis because she's the one I see most young writers trying to emulate. They look up to these writers they read and love and feel that if they write like THEM instead of like themselves, it will be better. I guarantee you that anyone who tells you they write better than they speak is over writing and probably has JKRowlingitis. Why do they do this? Out of insecurity mostly. It takes confidence to step outside the box and develop your own voice and style. Right now, from your question I can see you haven't fully developed that confidence.

Try this. Write one short story exactly in your own voice. Really listen to your thoughts and write them down. Just free write. Then read it back and compare it to something you have "formally" written. You will be surprised at how NOT bad the free write is. All of us communicate every single day with people--from family members to people on the street. And they can understand us, right? Well, so can your readers. And using your own voice will give you back a real passion for what you are doing. Because finally you will be using writing for what it is meant to be used for. To communicate. Pax-C

How can I make this story better?

The tale sounds beautiful targeted, however you must additionally give an explanation for the heritage tale of ways the long run bought like this, and check out to position some thing that may rather make your ebook stand out such because the personalities of the characters and what kind of intensity you'll be able to installed it. But nonetheless it is exciting :D. Try to additionally create a force for the predominant individual, whether or not it's simply making an attempt to outlive "external" or seeing her household once more. Also create some thing real targeted approximately the predominant individual in order that she will come to be very memorable. As for the names Girl: Aria Hebrew for lion :D Boy: Ivan Creatures: Depends on whether or not you wish to cause them to "mystical" "steam puckish" "avatarish (film)" or something. Since they play the sort of massive function I suppose you must make a decision Good good fortune!

Thanks for A2A.Much better is the grammatically correct choice. You probably wouldn’t be intercepted for using way better, due to “common usage”, and some properly educated people would deliberately use way better as a form of emphasis which implies that the lesser of the comparatives is significantly inferior.