Is it okay to choose a family-oriented person instead of a career-oriented person as a life partner? Am I being old fashioned?
Your question has 2 parts -Is it okay to choose a family-oriented person instead of a career-oriented person as a life partner? - Yes of course because its your choice and you should not be ashamed of your choice. You have to live your life as per your choice not as per what is fashionable because fashions come and go but your life shapes as per the choice u make. So whatever you choose either a family-oriented person or a career-oriented person be very honest about it from very beginning. Honestly tell what your looking for and depending on what other party is like you can either continue with her if it matches or move ahead to next one if it does not matches.Am I being old fashioned? - Not at all. Just because some panels on news debates or movie stars or news paper articles or advertisements advocate a certain idea as progressive does not means it is really so. Its nothing but marketing an idea in guise of progressiveness or new fashion etc with a aim to create social conditions which are suitable and profitable for them. But whether to buy it or not is your choice and you should always choose based on what appeals naturally to u, what comes from inside of you not what someone else or media tells u in name of progressive society.A wise man said - Intelligent people create fashion and fools follow that fashion.
What does it mean to be family-oriented?
Seriously? Family?What are your parent(s)? Sibling(s)? Are they not family as well?Of course, you are thinking of the parents and kids living under the same roof type of thing. There is also relatives by blood or marriage or even the people that you grew up with (a really good friend that has been there since forever plus a few years).Oriented= aligned/positioned/placePut that together and what do you get?A person who has a place for their family (blood, marriage, neighbors, classmates) in his life. If a woman wants a guy who is family oriented then she wants a man who thinks that family should be a part of his live (whoever he thinks his family is, I mean).
If Mexicans are so family-oriented why do they immigrate to America, resulting in a broken family left behind?
What is the purpose of being with your family when you cant feed them?. For an american like you living in the comfort of your riches it is extremely difficult to understand. Imagine that everyday when you wake up you see your family literally starving, your kids living among trash and misery with their empty bellies and telling you "I am hungry dad", What would you do?. Even as we mexicans are family oriented, the pain you feel inside when a son tells you he is hungry is terrible. That is why so many mexicans come to the United States to get some money so their families can survive and improve their lifes. When this mexicans get deported it only means they will have to go back before they can attain their goals. Most of the mexicans come to the US with a clear plan, staying 5-6 years, save as much as they can and then go back to Mexico to build a house and open a small bussiness that can feed them and their families for the rest of their lifes. So from every 400-500 bucks they get every week, they send 1-2 hundred and save the rest for their projects. They work extremely hard and earn their livings, they sometimes eat once a day to save more money and keep their dreams and goals intact. Please understand, 80% of this people will not stay in the US anyway. The key to understand the problem is not looking at the immigrants as evil or illegal, the key is looking at the goverment policies that have created and applauded the differences between the countries and Mexico`s poverty throughout the years. People dont cross the border because they want to they do it because they have to. Your perspective is really wrong and you need to do some more research. Good luck
What make Chinese so family-oriented?
As someone who is born and raised in China and has interacted with many Chinese families I feel that I'm qualified to answer this question. Of course I did some research on http://Baidu.com as well. The Chinese are so family orientated is due to our history and society. For the sake of this example, let's compare China and America. American is an immigrant country, freedom and democracy is what it promotes. China has over 5000 years of history that places a heavy emphasis on family hierarchy, family relationship and the way children should interact with their parents. Like User-12101764072933798215 has said, poverty has a certain play to it. However what's more is that even from ancient times, there has been a prevalent trend in respecting the elders of the family and taking care of the young. As for the son inheriting the father's business, this can be traced back to the eldest son inheriting his father's throne in the dynasties. However, time changes. China is a radically different country developing at an incredibly pace, the culture is changing. The family structure is also changing. The children of today are still taught the same values but their family is no longer as strict or as traditional as the ones several decades back, where you could not start dinner until your parents or grandparents was sitted and had started eating. But even children from a young age is told by their parents and teachers to respect their elders, respect their parents because they are wiser. We place a heavy emphasis on the idea of 'paying back' or 'paying respect' to our parents who gave birth to us, clothes us and fed us. It's likely that this model will start to modify in future years though, the one child policy is changing the way parents interact with their child. I hope this was helpful in some way. If you've got any questions, please ask and I'll try to explain it.
What are American family values?
I am an immigrant in America and I've found that a lot of families treasure a combination of independence and loyalty. Parents give their children a lot of freedom here (compared to other countries) but expect them to stay loyal and connected to the family by their own choice. As a result, you will see a lot of disrespectful behavior between parents and children (from both ends) but they often seem to function relatively as a family unit. That being said, I've never lived in a country where the elderly are abandoned in such great numbers. The most normal thing to do when your parents are aging here is to put them in a nursing home or an assisted care facility. In other countries, it is expected that children will take in their parents once they reach a certain age. I think this phenomenon might stem from the value placed on independence. These are just my two cents
Is Chinese culture too focused on family?
From what I have seen during my time here and through my Chinese friends: not really. Young people don't like to spend time with their parents and most admit they have never said or heard 'I love you' from/to them; visiting family during new year is generally perceived like an annoying obligation; most of them don't know what having siblings is so they turn to friends more; father's role is only now evolving to a more present, warm and caring figure; there are no common areas (dining room/living room) in traditional Chinese houses where a family can interact; parents put too much pressure on kids to succeed and make their (parents') lives easier rather than prioritizing their kids' wellbeing and happiness, etc.If not letting your kids move out until they are married and automatically moving in with them when they have a baby to tell them what to do and how is considered 'being family-oriented', then it's definitely a unique way to go about it.
Why have you decided to not speak to your family anymore?
My father is dead and when I was young my mother made a point of ruining my relationships with his side. Now ironically she sees them on occasion but I don’t at all. I hate my mother’s side because they are asses. I was molested by my maternal grandmother till I was about 12. The only exception was when she went to California to live for a few years. I didn’t realize that what she did was abuse till much later in my teen years. I was too afraid to say anything and chose to block it out. Even after therapy as an adult I refused to deal with it. I’m sure they all knew what was happening. There were so many signs! When I had my own kids I became so over protective of them that no one but myself or my husband ever changed them. I was very overprotective of my kids who as adults now resent me for that.About 10 years ago I tried to tell my mother’s sister what happened. She stopped me and told me the conversation had become “toxic” and she hung up on me. My mother uses that word too. My relationship with my adult children is severely strained. Mother buys their love. That bought my hate. I have given her many chances to be in my life but she doesn’t want to be. She now spends holidays with my husband and my children and grandkids and I sit home alone with my cats and dog. This has gone on for years! Truth is the world revolves around her and how many photos she can show to her friends and customers to make it look like she is a good person. Oh and which of her grandkid will take care of my brother if she dies first. He’s 60 and never lived anywhere but with her. Never had a girlfriend that was more than a “girl” who was a friend though he thought he was engaged for over 10 years! Not sure what his problem is. Over the years she has offered her house and anything she has left to whatever grand would take care of him. The truth is he is on everything from her bills to her house. They would get nothing! He will inherit just because he is on everything.So here I am, 58 years old and I have no family to speak of. I have my husband of almost 40 years and my kids who see me because they need me to watch their kids. I love my grands more than life itself! I have no friends left because I devoted myself to my family. It sucks but what can I do? Not a thing :)Moral of the story is never keep abuse hidden and rid your life of those that hurt you.
Why do foreigners love Filipinos?
I can only speak from my personal experience, but I can also speculate a bit in general a few theories I have on why “foreigners” specifically Americans and those from western Europe love Filipinos.As many others have mentioned in answers in general foreigners find people from the The Philippines , both male and female to be Friendly, Warm, Kind, Pleasant, laid back, and Respectful. Almost uncomfortably Respectful where they call you sir or ma'am all the time.English Language - 76% of Filipinos understand the English Language.Generally Just a laid back mellow Island Culture.Spanish Influence - As Bill Cowhig mentions in his answer below. The Spanish Empire lead by Ferdinand Magellan Colonized the Philippines in 1521. The Spanish brought with them Catholicism and Christianity as well as some other European Government Systems. Cultural norms, food and animals. This obviously is unique in Asia and makes any Christian foreigner feel more at home.American Influence - In 1898 the Spanish-American War lead to the Federal Government of the United States taking control of the Philippines for 20 Million dollars. The americans had an obvious influence on Government, Educations and other Cultural aspects till they left after World War II .Family Oriented - Similar to many other Asian Culture Family is a very important part of their life. Since the state does not provide as much support as countries in the west the family is often relied upon for financial or other support. They dont have large nursing homes, nor can they afford day care for their kids. So Family, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins help. Its more of a community support group. Note: This can also be a bad thing as one commenter pointed out if you marry into a Filipino family so set proper expectations.For these same reasons the Philippines is one of the leading Business Process Outsourcing capitals of the world. Their Citizens are also working abroad in service level jobs like Nursing , and Caretaking .Bottom line they are friendly and culturally similar to us westerners, but exotic and interesting at the same time.
What if I have absolutely no genuine interest in social interactions?
I have always been this way, however I noticed it became a stronger feeling when I got back on my medication, which seemed to push out any urge to do anything, or talk to anyone. I also have an interest in Buddhism, which is about letting go of desire, however I sort of wonder if the religion itself wasn't started by a guy who was having drug issues, in fact I sort of feel that way about most religions. Some stuff to think about. GENEROSITY The saintly Japanese Zen hermit, poet, calligrapher, friend of children and benefactor to the poor, Ryokan (1758-1831), lived austerely and simply in a little hut below a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to find nothing there to steal. So he went off into the night. Ryokan caught up with him: “You may have come a long way to visit me, and you should not return empty handed. Please take my clothes as a gift.” The bewildered thief took the clothes and slunk away. Ryokan sat naked, watching the moon. “Poor fellow,” he mused, “I wish I could give him this beautiful moon!” The "Bright Nature" of man is taken away. THEN Adam wept and said, "O God, when we dwelt in the garden, and our hearts were lifted up, we saw the angels that sang praises in heaven, but now we do not see as we were used to do; nay, when we entered the cave, all creation became hidden from us." 2 Then God the Lord said unto Adam, "When thou wast under subjection to Me, thou hadst a bright nature within thee, and for that reason couldst thou see things afar off. But after thy transgression thy bright nature was withdrawn from thee; and it was not left to thee to see things afar off, but only near at hand; after the ability of the flesh; for it is brutish." 3 When Adam and Eve had heard these words from God, they went their way; praising and worshipping Him with a sorrowful heart. 4 And God ceased to commune with them.
Can people remain friends with their exes?
I have a friend. Actually, he’s my oldest friend. We’ve known each other since we were thirteen.He’s half Nicaraguan, a quarter Native American and a quarter Irish. He’s a short, skinny guy with big lips - outgoing, moody, and funny as hell. He’s probably the most talented person I have ever met.He dated a friend of mine when we were teenagers. After her, he dated a lot of women. I used to wonder how he managed to wind up with such beautiful women…We lived together for four years.There were reasons why it ended. He would never let me take a bite of his sandwich. He sold pot and he held court over a bunch of 22 year-old guitar players in my living room. I served tea. I was never alone in my house. He spent all his money on music. I never got a birthday present…not once. We had houseguests from other countries. We were almost a hostel.I was the girlthing. I was less dynamic, less popular. I was jealous.My friend, Amy, said it best.You keep choosing these men who are brilliant. They want you to support them so they can shine. They forget about making you shine. A lot of women will take that bargain. Not you. You want to be brilliant.He met someone then decided it was a mistake. I wouldn’t take him back.Our breakup was bad. He was heartbroken. I was traumatized. I lost most of my friends, he made an ass out of himself.It took years. It got better when he met someone else. Slowly, we became friends again. We share a history.Not only that, I like him. I might have terrible taste in partners, but i have good taste in people. I don’t ever sleep with people I don’t like.He keeps in touch. Out of all people, he’s the only one who knows that when I drop off the face of the earth, I’m not okay. He calls me when he’s not okay. He sends people to reach out to me. I get calls from strangers new-in-town. He gives them my number. He takes care of me…in his own way.I would have never guessed he would be my lifelong friend.I’m working on becoming friends with my most recent ex. I’m still angry. It won’t and shouldn’t ever happen again.Given time, we will be actual friends.Maybe we already are? We track well. We always have something to talk about. It’s the baggage that still hurts.Relationships suck.