How can I deal with feelings of inadequacy as a virgin?
Hi guys. My name's Ryan. I am unfortunately a 21 year old virgin. I don't know how it got to this point. I thought I would never be a virgin at this age and point in time but I was wrong, I was oh so very wrong. I just graduated college a couple months ago and that was the only place that I really talked to girls. But no girls really showed any interest in me. No girls ever insinuated that they might like me more than just a friend. I believe I am physically unattractive. I am of average height at 5'11 and I am underweight at 152 pounds. I am currently trying to gain weight by working out but it is a very slow process to gain lean muscle mass. I do not believe muscles will seal the deal with girls but they will definitely help out much more. I have been dressing well and cleanly the past 2 years. But then I realized that it was never about dressing well or working out because a lot of my friends got laid and got into hookups and got relationships and I didn't. I don't know one single person who hasn't had a beyond-friendship experience with a girl. I have just come to the conclusion that I am not enough for girls. I see myself losing my virginity at 27 or 28 at the earliest and by that time I would have felt embarassed to tell the girl I'm a virgin. I would be so far behind more so than I am developmentally. How can I get rid of these feelings of inadequacy that people have had sex and I have not?
What are some good ways to deal with the feelings of inadequacy after comparing myself with my peers/cousins?
Comparing yourself to others is unavoidable but rarely useful. It's tough to do, but it's best to try to admire rather than envy the accomplishments of others. You are, after all, on your own path with your own particular strengths and weaknesses. Life isn't a race. Accomplishments are nice, but the joy you gain from them is fleeting. Setting reasonable goals for yourself and achieving them is good, and a source of self esteem. But--and it took me a while to realize this--you have to learn to enjoy the day-to-day moments that make up your life. That means finding happiness in very small, common experiences. Absurd as it might seem, finding joy in small things takes a certain amount of discipline and practice. There are many--for lack of a better term--cultural forces which teach us to only take pleasure in accomplishments, material comforts, and expensive pleasures.
How do I deal with this feeling of inadequacy and inferiority after my break up?
We all go through these feelings at different stages in life. Often times more than once. The best way out of it, is through it.The best way through it is to remind your self that every person in your life is working for you, even your enemies. You will see it once you have learned how to conquer feelings of inadequecy and inferiority.Once you have passed this milestone you will look back and be greatful for the lessons your ex thrust upon you, because there was no other way… We dont learn valuable lessons that prepare us for the comming stages of life at a birthday party, having fun, we learn them through adversity, heartbreak and loss.It is my guess, you never felt this way after a break up in any previous relationships and if this is true, it would imply her treatment toward you was to establish these fear based feelings as a means to better control you. So ask your self; did I fall in love naturally or was I manipulated, most likely your answer will be the latter, thats where you start to heal, do a little self accessment and figure out who you are, what in your past has allowed you to identify with this abusive behavior as love, thats the big question, we learn how to love by our parents and if your reception of being loved mirrors something unhealthy, try to fix it, otherwise you will ping out the same message to every future relationship. Dont allow negative self defeating thoughts become a part of your beliefs, remember, there will always be someone, somewhere who is feeling inadequit next to you, youre not alone, and its difficult to change your subconscious beliefs impressed upon you from a failure in your childhood, possibly being told you were not good enough or unable to cary out a certain task to a point where you just assume failure is whats next and we self sabotage. Do not be the vicitm and change your inner mind by creating heightened experiences that reinforce the positive and date only woman who will build you up, you know who they are, let people pine over you so you will retrust this is possible and eventually you will own it and become it… Just always continue to love no matter how broken your heart gets, protecting your heart is like sudden death, just accept the pain and do it again, life is love and you will succeed at finding it…Please, what ev
Where does the feeling of inadequacy stem from?
From having a low self esteem - low self esteem can come from various negative experiences you’ve had in your life which have led you to believe that you’re not worthy/ don’t deserve to be happy, successful etc. You should start by taking note of what you’re thinking about yourself on a daily basis, you would probably find that the majority of your self talk is negative. Become aware of the thoughts that you plant in your mind because, like plants, they will grow. Negative thoughts are like weeds and you have to ensure that you weed your garden daily (pick out the negative thoughts and replace with positive) it doesn’t matter if initially you don’t believe the positive things you tell yourself, your subconscious mind is not able to determine a negative from a positive but will accept everything you tell it as true.
How can I overcome a feeling of inadequacy?
Let me tell you story of one guy… In fact… There will be one more…First guy will soon turn 40… He always thought and asked same questions like you did. But he have one extra difficulty… He was born with physical handicap, without his left fist.He was ashamed of his look. People always stare at him, pity him, which contributed to his belief he is ugly. Almost like a monster, he thought…. Will I ever find my happiness, will I succeed in life due to handicap he asked himself… And then he started to fight,trying to change things. He was exhausted, trying to prove to the world he is good.Ten years ago, he started to think different. He took another approach and look his handicap as possibility. Possibility which helps him to see different and act different. He realized it is a huge advantage cause it helped him to evolve, to grow and to stand up. Right now, he is typing this answer to you. Yes, it is me.I will tell you one more story. Even more drastic than me… And here it is…He is Nick Vujicic, born with tetra-amelia syndrome, a rare disorder characterized by the absence of arms and legs. He is motivational speaker!!! You can find him very easily on web, but I will just point out one thing… He has wife and kids.I wanted to tell you, it is nothing wrong with you. You are just believing you can’t. I will speak in my name, I believe I can!!! And not to be adequate, just to be clear. To be myself!!! It means I can do, have faith, have possibilities, have self-esteem!!!Start looking to your situation as possibility and turn in into your favor. If one can do it and showing way to others, it means everyone else can do it too!!!
Feeling a little inadequate with my penis size?
Hi Ray ok some of your friend will be lying, but some will have bigger, so what, someone will have bigger than them, just as some will have smaller than you I have had guys from 8.5" down to 3.5" and one of the best guys I ever had sex with had like you 4" and no it was not as thick as a tree stump far from it but boy was he good in bed in fact he was good anywhere he know he was smaller than lots of guys so he had developed his techniques to perfection he had sleep ed with at least 8 of my friends and not one ever complained about the size of his tackle so that's your trick learn how to please before you use it most girls don't get orgasm's through penetrative sex anyway so don't be put off and try to hold your head up (no the one on your shoulders) your just as good as the next guy be proud of yourself and be confident but avoid being big headed good luck XXXX
How does one overcome the feeling of inadequacy and not accomplishing enough?
Don't be inadequate. Accomplish more. Lots of people will tell you why you should feel ok with how things are. And if you don't feel ok you can dope up or pay for a therapist. But things are not ok and you know that. You know it every day. Sometimes people feel like their life is meaningless because their lives are meaningless... and maybe in the biggest picture it is all meaningless... but for you in the scale you live in, you are in control. You may not have the best options. But who is in charge but you? You have all the power. Every moment that passes you decide what to focus your energy on. There is a time for all things... but there are too many opportunities in life to be part of everyone else's failure and fears. There are too many opportunities to be afraid. Take control. As one small person in a strange world you can study and learn. Maybe you can't save the world but you can make a few things better. And you are able... you can be more than just ok. Maybe you won't feel great everyday. Oh well. Even amazing people don't. And you will accomplish what you can.. but you can always do more.Stop wasting your energy. Don't eat 'food' not made of food. Read books to expand your understanding. Have compassion for all people including yourself. Start now with the self compassion. Everybody starts where they are. Reward your good behavior. Give and refuse anything in return. Question everything you believe and then question what you believe next. It is impossible to live right in a wrong world. Do it anyway. You are the most powerful person in your universe.Brian Fey's answer to How should one, that is awesome already, become even more awesome?