How does growing up in a house with parents who fight all the time affect a girl child after she is a grown up?
I know this subject well. My parents did this f'ed up dance where she would do and say a bunch of horrible shit she knew would eventually get him to a point where he'd lose it and beat the crap out of her. Then, for about a week or so she'd get anything she wanted and got her butt kissed. When things started normalizing, she'd start getting depressed and then start it all over again. Both of them were a mess, but when I was a kid I understood none of this and it scared the hell out of me. As noted above the people responsible for keeping it together were completely out of control. And on some level it made me feel as the oldest as if I were responsible to manage the situation. I'd come up with ideas like trying to distract them or, just pray like crazy. It started making me hyper-vigilant. Tone of voice in particular would be an indicator. Sometimes I wonder if it hardwired me for anxiousness about confrontation. I think it also made me more intuitive about people. Maybe because I got so good at interpreting body language and the cadence and tone of speech. I theorize that my parents' generation was going through some enormous cultural shifts and coping with it while raising a family must have been pretty stressful. That and they both suffered from family histories of depression.Fortunately I'm more insightful than my parents, because of them probably. And much more mindful of how my behavior affects others, especially my kids.
I want to take commerce and my parents want me to take the science stream of education. What do I do?
Just talk to your parents. Here’s how your conversation with your mom (or dad or both) would go like:Your mom - Please take commerce stream (be it any reason).You - Mom but I like science. I have a huge interest in that subject.Your Mom - I don’t care, just do what I say. TAKE COMMERCE.You - Okay, mom. I will. But don’t get furious when I fail in the subject as I don’t like it and won’t learn anything related to commerce from my heart.Your Mom - There are a lot of people who take the stream and do well in life. Can’t you do that for me?You - I can do anything for you, mom. That is the reason why I am willing to take the stream without having any interest in it. Just for you. You are my mom, I love you more than my life. If you say, opt for commerce, I will but I am certain that I won’t excel in this field since I don’t like learning it. On the other hand, if I choose science (the field I love), I’d work super hard and make you proud with my achievements. I want to become a doctor. I want to save lives. What do you want me to become, someone who saves people’s lives or someone who handles business accounts for corporations?Mom, you know what’s better for me and what’s not. This is the decision that can make or break my career. So, it’s up to you. What do you say?LONG SILENCEYour Mom - I don’t know. I want to see you as a successful lady not an average one. Alright, take whatever stream you like.Parents understand everything. Just talk to them and let me know if they agree or not. If they don’t, we’ll make another plan to convince them.P.S. DO NOT TAKE THE STREAM YOU DON’T LIKE, YOU’ll REPENT LIKE DELHI REPENTS ELECTING ARVIND KEJRIWAL AS A CM.P.P.S. I am not aware of the gender of a person who asked this question. I used “successful lady” because a female requested me to answer the question.
What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever said?
My sister is a pretty but very quiet girl and our late father was very overprotective of her. When we were younger, she never talked about dating boys but whenever a boy’s name popped up, our father was like a hawk.My father was also a very devout Mormon (Latter Day Saint) and he would often invite missionaries, especially the men, to come over and hang out at our house. Sometimes, I would come home and there would be five to ten missionaries hanging out at our home like it was a frat house.We were having dinner with about seven missionaries and some of my male cousins were also over because we were hanging out and playing games and they stayed for dinner. My aunt was asking my sister if she had a crush at school but my sister simply smiled, actually she didn’t have any crushes at that time. We’re pretty close and we tell each other these things.Then all of a sudden while eating, my father suddenly says, “I don’t care who you marry as long as he’s CIRCUMSIZED.”My cousins and the missionaries were quiet at first but then burst into laughter. My innocent sister asked what that meant and one of the missionaries said, “Make sure he’s snipped his tip.”My sister finally understood and turned really red and didn’t say anything else and needless to say, I lost my appetite.
My dad cusses at me a lot and won't stop?
He's not a bad dad... he doesn't hit me or anything. But, he says really terrible things to me. I'm a 14 year old girl and it's been going on since around when I turned 13. It used to be every now and then but now it's pretty much everyday. I know he's under a lot of stress from work, but it's kind of gotten out of control. He'll say things such as, "F you, you're an effing *****." and that he hates me and how he can't stand me. And I'm really not a bad kid.... I try to make him happy. I'm in all advanced classes at school, including taking an extra course that he wanted me to take, I get straight As except in geometry which I shouldn't even be taking until I'm a 10th grader. I'm an 8th grader. And he just.... kills me inside, I never forget the things he says, and he makes me feel terrible. Then he tries to buy me something to make me feel better and always says stuff like, "I'm not a bad father! Look at all the things you have that I've bought you. A bad father wouldn't do that." But, it's just money, it doesn't make up for how he treats me. He'll get upset if I ever am like, "holy (the s word)" but then he uses the f bomb constantly with me. And I have tried confronting him about it before, and he just gets very upset and says, "Fine then. Maybe we just shouldn't talk anymore because everything I say makes you cry." and slams my door. And I tried showing him this book that I record all the things he says to me in and he said, "The fact that you keep a book full of negative sayings really shows what kind of person you are" then slammed my door. My mom used to stand up for me but now she just watches, and says it's my fault. I've never cussed at him before or anything, he'll get mad about the weirdest things. He said "Eff you" to me today because I forgot to take my phone with me to the movies. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't think this is good for me.
Are people with narcissistic personality disorder capable to cry and feel remorse?
Remorse? no. Speaking from my experience with few (officially diagnosed) NPDs, they do not feel remorse, despite the fact their cognitive functions are not impaired.But to feel remorse for hurting someone, one needs to have more than a functional brain and understanding of the difference between right and wrong. What they lack is the sense of responsibility for their words and actions, a measure of common decency (moral compass) and an ability to empathize/sympathize with another.Denial was the middle name of the narcissists I've been in contact with. It’s always someone else who has ‘made them’ say or do bad things, it’s someone else who ‘started it’, it’s another person’s fault. I’m reminded of Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in Scarface, when he kills the driver of the car after some back-and-forth yelling - blows his brain out - then screams at him: Look what you made me do! Look at you now!The only shred of remorse I have noticed is when they get caught red-handed. They regret that they've allowed themselves to be caught (lying, cheating or worse), not that they have done things that are immoral or hurtful to others.They do cry though, but as someone else already said, they cry to evoke sympathy or out of self-pity.Thanks for an A2A
If you see your ex again and again in your dreams, does it mean he is missing you?
I have seen what others have written and in no way am I trying to trample over what has been stated. When most people give advice it is from a place of sound logic and there is nothing wrong with that. I am going to come from another perspective on the matter. I do believe that dreams come from the spirit realm and logic can not help comprehend them much. Depending on how much you are in tune with your soul, your dreams will mean something in your waking life. Most of us are taught to disregard dreams but they have been essential to me understanding or decoding my life. I do believe that if you are not the one interested in reconnecting with your ex that a) they could miss you or b) there are unresolved issues between you two or at least on his end. On the flip side, if you have been contemplating over your ex than it is you that may need healing. In this high paced world, sometimes we forget to slow down and listen to our hearts so those feelings come through our dreams. His conscious self may not even be aware of how his soul feels. Dreaming of someone repeatedly denotes a strong connection. Now, whatever that connection may be is up to you to discover. If I were you, the next time he comes to you ask him what he wants from you. You may be surprised. Love, light and blessings to you.