How to ovecome the fear of abandonment?
I saw some similar threads here but my fear of abandonment affects me like this (Didn't see anything similar here): I don't get into serious relationships with anyone. I date them for 1-2 months and then I break things off. I have dated the nicest most trustworthy guy, still the same. It's not that I am so insecure of whatever, I can say that i love myself and I feel good about myself. However I am 23 now and I have never trusted anyone enough to take the distance and built a serious relationship..the simple thought that one day me and my then future husband-boyfriend could break up terrifies me!! So I prefer not have anybody than have someone and then endure the pain of breaking up and losing that person.
Fear of abandonment?
So, I have a lot of emotional problems and am severely damaged by a past where I have been abandoned, raped, and abused. I am very insecure and clingy. I make it very hard for my husband who loves me and just wants to make me happy. Past couple of days he is saying he cant take it anymore and has threatened to leave again. I begged him to stop being that way and to just love me like he always says he does. I act the way I do out of fear of being abandoned. Now he is telling me that he would abandon me if i cant do better. Yes i have my problems, but i would not abandon him. I will always stand by him, even when he is not treating me good. I love him and i married him because i always plan to be with him. Can anyone weigh in on if he is even someone i should want to depend on spending my life with? I love him so much, but is he dependable? We have been together for 3 years, married for 1.
How do you get over a fear of abandonment?
Before you get rid of anything, ask yourself; what are you so afraid of? Who is it that would abandon you, and why? Is it your parents? Your friends? Girlfriend? Cat?I don’t know if I should be saying this, but people are born to abandon others. It’s an inevitable fate everyone has to go through. All of it it a personal opinion, but people don’t really stick around forever. Not mostly anyway, as there are some lucky ones who found someone to hang on to for their life.I kinda envy them.Ah, but we’re not here for talking about this stuff, eh?I don’t know what makes you feel insecure about yourself, and I don’t really have bullet points describing the magic mantra to transform you into someone you’re not. But I know this, things will happen if you let them happen. If you let them abandon you, then they will abandon you. If you’re clinging on to them with a yuge (sorry, couldn’t resist) desperation, then they might leave you behind. If you’re pathetic in more than one way, then people might want to distance themselves from you.Again, I don’t know what is it that you’re so afraid of. Your question, at most, generalizes what you’re afraid of, and the kind of fear you have is something you don’t really generalize.Instead, you talk about them, openly, with someone who you think would listen. You spill your guts, as it were, but be careful enough to not let the person who sees your guts be stained by those guts.How would you get over your fear? By admitting your fear in front of those who you’re afraid to lose.Tough job, I know. But I sincerely believe it to be something worth a try.Just be careful to be not overdoing it, and you’ll be fine.Good luck.
Can I still be BPD but without fear of abandonment?
Hello, I'm assuming BPD here is "Borderline Personality Disorder". And yes, Borderline Personality Disorder can be diagnosed even without abandonment fears. Abandonment is a very common and prominent symptom in BPD, but it is not the only one. The DSM IV has 9 criteria for BPD, and a person only need exhibit 5 of them to have the diagnosis. That being said, symptoms from BPD can overlap with many other illnesses, including other personality disorders, major depression, anxiety disorders and PTSD. If you have doubts or questions about your diagnosis, asking your doctor or therapist about your diagnosis is always a good idea! And reading more about BPD may help you understand the illness. This is a good start. http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com If you don't see how this applies to you, considering a second opinion is always an option. Best of luck!
Adoptees, do you have fear of abandonment?
For 30 years, yes. Not so much anymore. Now I have more fears of losing my children in dreams--like them floating away from me in the ocean.
How do I control my fear of abandonment?
I disagree with Rose. Fear of abandonment is rational simply because it happened between you and the person everything - your security, your self-esteem, your ability to regulate emotion, in short, your ability to become a person - was not available. Why, then, would a person not fear becoming emotionally attached (and to some degree dependent) on another person?Treatment for this is not short. Expect to spend at least two years of intensive therapy with a therapist who knows what they are doing. Don't choose a behaviorist; look for someone whose focus is relationship.Before starting, get a copy of James Masterson's book Search For The Real Self
Can you have BPD without fear of abandonment?
STOP!!! Look to put it bluntly. He's NOT going to change no matter what diagnosis he is assigned to. I was married to a man for ten years. Wow, it's like looking back in time because you sound just like I did.I found everything in the book to make excuses for him and desperately tried to get him help. Years on, I am trying to pick up the pieces. The pieces of "me" that were slowly but subtly destroyed by him........ One thing is certain yes, he may be suffering from a mental disorder such as Borderline Personality Disorder BUT putting up with abuse in whichever form it takes emotional,physical or sexual IS NOT ok! Deep down you know this but your sense of self is very low partly due to such abuse. "Breaking up with you" every day is due to him playing emotional games with you. He says it to keep you scared and on your toes due to his own insecurities. I know you probably hear this all the time but believe me and the millions that "stayed" in a situation like this are now spending the rest of their own lives suffering from mental illnesses such as PTSD, Anxiety Disorders and Depression. If you get to this stage life along with your self-esteem get destroyed. Please listen to me. Look abuse both emotional and physical up and see if you can relate. I bet you can. I know it's scary but think about what YOU deserve and need to be happy and healthy. Good luck Sweetie x