My mother has done some horribly evil things to me, which I deem unforgivable, yet so many people are shocked and they gasp when I tell them I haven't spoken to my mother in 10 years. Why is this?
Perhaps they have an entirely different relationship with your mother and a totally different perception of her. And perhaps their surprise is a response to you consciously or subconsciously trying to influence or manipulate them into taking your side and absorbing your views of your mother.If you ask me it is always better to speak from the perspective of yourself with a simple “I” and focusing less on her.For example, “My mother and I haven’t spoken for 10 years. She has done X and Y… and what relationship other people have with her is something they own. It is between them and her. However, what she has done is not aligned with what I perceive to be morally right. As such I have decided to distance myself from her for over 10 years because I want healthy people and relationships in my life. At the time felt that I couldn’t have that with my mother. Who knows what type of relationship we could have today? I have so many other good people in my life right now that I have focused solely on them and completely forgotten to explore potential options with my mother after all these years. I could seek her out but I am not at that place where I feel comfortable investing time and energy on her.”
Smoking WEED for a week- forgetting stuff horribly?!?
smoking weed frequently does tend to make you a bit slower and more forgetful because of the THC constantly in your system (it doesn't kill brain cells, don't listen to those idiots). if you want to make it better, try not to smoke more than 2 or 3 times a week, and not keep doing it all day. if you take a longer break from smoking, like about 2 weeks, you'll completely clear your head and be able to think more sharply. do what you want though, but just know that you'll keep forgetting stuff it you keep smoking that much. hope this helps!
My mom keeps asking me for money and I feel horribly guilty?
My mom and dad divorced for second time over a year ago. She asked me to leave, which I did. Shortly there after she lost her job, were she made considerable money. She became very confrontational at work, and home. We had the cops called to the house many, many times. One time she accused me of locking her out of the house, even though I was 4 hours away at grad school! Anyway, she tried friviliously to sue her employers and racked up alot debt. She also bought brand new furniture for her house. When they were together dad and mom did support me through most of my education, but I still carry student loans. Its a year later, my mom has cut off ties with most of her family, and she still has not found work. I gave her my old computer, mowed her lawn, helped out when I could, I even recently gave her money for a doctors appointment. Its never enough though. She calls me selfish, morally corrupt, and a snake. We just dont get along. I feel really guilty that I cant help her out more, but I have loans, bills, an upcoming wedding, and I'm trying to save for a place of my own. She becomes irrate when I explain that I just can't help out. She also is angry that I spend little time with her, but I honestly feel very uncomfortable because she normally just berates me or becomes emmotional. She is living way beyond her means, and is really struggling. She only calls when she needs something, and then yells at me when I try to express that I just got out of college and I'm trying to start a life of my own. I can barely handle the burden. I really dont want to speak with her, she just makes me feel bad about myself. Its very depressing, I just wish she could be ok on her own, but she refuses to get a job (shes 58 and in decent health), and I fear she will become destitute. What can I do? I feel bad that I refuse to help, but whenever I do I feel worse because its never enough. I wish she would leave me alone. I miss my mom from before the divorce, she used to be supportive and kind. Now she only causes me pain. Any comments are helpful.
My sister treats our stepmom and her kids horribly. Why is she acting like this and what can I do to make her stop?
I know why she acts like that. she's angry that your mother doesn't want you & she's taking her anger out on your step mother & the younger siblings. 1. you need to tell your sister to keep her damn hands to herself. she doesn't have the right to lay hands on anyone but especially not a younger & smaller child who hasn't done anything to hurt her. 2. you need to tell your sister that yes, she does have to respect her step mother because she's your father's wife & she's picking up your mother's slack & she's opened her home up to the two of you because your own mother can't be bothered to take care of you. (I know that hurts but sometimes you have to be harsh to catch some people's attention) 3. you tell your sister that she doesn't have to love or like your stepmother or the step sibs but she needs to be civil. which means you don't disrespect the person who has taken you in & you don't abuse the other household members & you don't make people feel unsafe in their own homes. 4. acknowledge that your sister is angry & hurt. let her know you are too but the person she needs to be angry with is the person who isn't there & it's not right for her to take that anger out on innocent bystanders. 5. where is your dad in all this? why isn't your dad more hands on here making sure her snippy attitude is held in check? 6. are the pair of you getting counseling for your mother's abandonment. maybe you don't need it but your sister certainly does.
I keep hearing my parents having sex and it's really bothering me?
They're disrespecting you as their child by having sex while you're awake. Obviously they're well aware that you're awake, considering they blast the tv while they're doing it. Sure, sex is natural and that's what adults do. But you know, if you were dating someone for 5 years and brought them home and had sex with them while your parents were wide awake, I'm sure they wouldn't like that. Or if when you're older you brought your husband home to meet your parents and you had sex with him while they're awake. See, parents expect kids to stay away from sex, but they're not setting a very good example. Everyone who says she is snooping, whenever I do my dads laundry on the weekends, he has me put it away, and he has condoms in his drawers. Umm would you call that snooping? No. You don't know what this girl was looking for in her parents bedroom. Seriously, ask them to keep it down or wait until you're gone or asleep. It can't be that hard to wait a few hours, jeez.
Why does my 10 year old treat me so horribly?
I am not a bad mother. I take care of my 10 year old daughter like a mother should but sometimes she can be a nasty person. For instance she'll tell me how bad my breath smells, how annoying I am, how I can't control her life, how I'm helicoptering her, how I'm pathetic.... If I touch something like put my hands in a bag of chips she won't eat it. She won't give me hugs or kisses anymore. Just a few minutes ago I was coughing in the room/ I was choking and all she could say was stop coughing everywhere and go and leave and make her an ice cream w/o coughing on it. I don't talk to her this way and it's very disheartening. I find myself wanting to just go away on a vacation just to surround myself with nice people or I want to leave her to computer so I won't have to deal. I don't party, do any drugs or have a social/ romantic life. I still help her with bathing & cleaning and she won't sleep alone but yet & still I am not treated well. I set rules & they are not so terrible. If I set rules I'm aggravating/annoying her. When I talk to her about her bamavior sometimes she'll block her ears with her hands, giggle or just get really aggravated. No one would think shes like this because she's a sweet little angel outside. She can be sweet sometimes but I'm disgusted and baffled by the way she treats me. I don't get it. I'm not abusive. I'm very supportive of her. It's getting to the point where I don't think I want more children. Is this normal behavior? Any advice?
Am i a horrible and/or lazy mother...?
please tell me i'm not the only one to feel like im doing everything horribly wrong, that things will get better. i have a 2 year old and a 3 week old, both girls. my 3 week old is fine. i feel in control, like im doing everything correct with her...with my 2 year old i feel misserable. i feel like she is bored out of her mind, all we do (unless we go to a friends house or go to church) is sit at home all day. i have nothing foe her to do to exert any energy or to keep her occupied. i try coloring books, reading books, singing songs, having her help me with laundry, cooking, cleaning, and dishes. but she seems so bored. it makes me feel like im being a lazy mother. And it doesnt help that my husband (and the father) works ALL DAY LONG! he has a full time and part time job and does wedding/event photography too so he is constantly busy. now when he is home he is wonderful (especially with the 2 year old, so she doesnt feel left out). i just feel that there is something i'm doing wrong. please, stay at home moms, i need advice on how to be really involved with both my children (and also keep the house in order). i do plan on going back to work (i will work at my childrens daycare) but that not for apx 2 months! also, i dont have a car so i cant drive anywhere. any advice is greatly appreciated.
Why does my adult daughter treat me horribly?
To many parents it appears to them that their relationship with their child when they were young was good but soured as they grew older , this can be true but in most cases that I have dealt with, the child didn’t “exactly” feel loved and respected when they were young . This is not to say that you didn’t give love and respect, because what counts in relationships is what the other person perceives. She could very well FEEL not loved or not respected even though you did give her love. But as she grew older her inhibition to hold back those feelings diminishes . She now also feels in position of strength (being an adult) where she can even jeopardize your relationship. Amazing enough even such a situation can be rectified . First write her a hand written letter saying that you love her and only wanted the best for her and respect who she is and want a relationship with her. After this, the next time you meet just listen to her , be there just for her, show her that you also have matured in your wiliness to change what necessary to improve our relationship. And moat of all do everything you can to make HER FEEL your unconditional love and respect.
How do I forgive my mother for hurting me repeatedly, when she doesn't think it was wrong? I broke off contact, but I crave a relationship with her.
This question is very timely for me right now.Two days ago, I spoke with my mother on the phone after almost three years of no contact.She was physically abusive during my childhood and mentally and emotionally abusive throughout my adult years.There’s an example in Kittie Eubank's answer to What's the worst thing your parent has ever said to you?In 2013 I decided enough was enough, and I cut her off.There is no room in this life I have created for someone who only sows negativity and hurt.She tried to contact me a few times over the years and I blocked her. That didn’t stop her from showing up in my dreams, though.I knew that being estranged from me was very painful for her. She doesn’t understand it at all; she thought we were close.Even though before I cut off contact I tried several times to talk to her about specific instances of abuse, she never could see that she did anything wrong.It was always my fault - I was being selfish. I took it wrong. She did it for my own good.So why did I call her two days ago?She texted me, about a week before that. She said she was sorry for everything she ever did to hurt me.There was no guilt-tripping or finger-pointing. Just an apology and a request to reestablish a relationship.After much thought and seeking counsel from people I trust, I decided to reach out and give her another chance.I have firm boundaries in place, and if she crosses them I am prepared to break off contact permanently.But if she is in a place now where she can be a part of my life, I will accept that.It will never be the same. I don’t think I can ever trust her. I don’t look forward to speaking to her again. She will never understand the harm she did.I called her for her, not for me. But that’s okay.So for you, OP, I would say….You can forgive your mother by letting go of the active resentment for what she did to you.Holding onto unforgiveness only hurts you - it doesn’t affect her at all.However, even after you have forgiven, you must be careful to guard your heart. Don’t let her into your life if she brings more negative than positive.It is hard. We want to have mothers who love and support us. Sometimes, though, they are incapable of doing that.Surround yourself with people who bring you joy, who lift you up and love you.Forgive your mother because it will release that tight ball of resentment writhing in your gut - you don’t need that.
How to stop my parents from hitting just because of little things?
1st of all, maybe you think people/parents can talk anyway they see fit each day. Turns out many parents are abusers. Actually they are not trying to be tough to make you better or help- they are tricking you. This goes for people at school as well. Words are abuse also. There are 3 types of abusive people/parents. Some hit the bottle. Some hit you. And some run their mouths and put you down. THEY are sick and feel great by being mean, and thats the only reason they do it. They are wrong about everything. The typical abuser is close-minded, self-righteous and was also abused themself. Use defense and read many sites on verbal abuse etc. People tear you down to build themselves up. Youre being abused - Its their problem. Knowledge is power. Abuse causes pain mistaken as Mental Problems. BP OCD etc. Psychiatrists commit fraud and all disorders are a hoax. For chemical imbalances NO test exists. You dont have what shrinks say you have. Dont tell anyone about your so called disorder. They will only drug you. Jesus name and forgiving others who are wrong is important along with avoiding them. Call or I can- Child Protective Services- Transitional help to age 21- tell your teacher. Dont tell your parents they wont listen. Learn the truth, forgive, and Get Away from them. Read many many sites under "emotional abuse" and "dealing with bullies". I have some questions for you if want to talk about it.