Can't overcome my bad childhood memories?
You are just experiencing FEAR. The reason is because you are somehow convinced that what you've experienced in the past will have a negative effect, maybe even a disastrous one, on your present or future life. If you come to the place of understanding that this is totally unfounded and not true, you'll be able to move on free of this situation. Understanding FEAR is key here. Because this fear is actually all made up by yourself. That's basically what fear is and how it gets a hold of you. Possible outcomes or events are amplified in your own mind, but they are not based in your present reality but attributed to events that took place long time ago. So the truth is that they have no real basis for being what you think they are. You don't give details of what you experienced but I wouldn't be surprised if the implied anger you expressed on your post comes from having been routinely invalidated, put down, told you were no good or even worse, such as verbal harassment or physical abuse, etc. Acquiring calmness of mind through activities such as Meditation or good therapy sessions are a great help in these situations. What you're looking for is -understanding- as to why you feel the way you do today and as to what is validating those feelings. Questions you should ask yourself: Are those feeling based on your present reality? Really? Why? Or are they just the product of bad experiences in your past? Replacement of those memories with new focus and attention on your present reality and immediate future are key here. Is there any real evidence as to anything negative happening to you RIGHT NOW... Is there? Other than your thought and consequent FEAR of that possibility? Yes, a memory can have a harmful, painful effect on a person, but only until the troubling cause is clearly understood for what it really is and REPLACED by the new. Namely the new thoughts and ideas concerning your present reality, on right now, today. You're okey...
How might someone get over being abused as a child?
I certainly wouldn't want to contradict any one who has been abused as a child and so i think it is safe to say no one 'gets over' being abused as a child in the sense that it no longer has relevance for them or no longer impacts on them.However, from my experience as a social worker and from reading lots of research, it is the case that some people who were abused as children do cope differently in later life than some other people who have experienced very similar abuse. Why this is the case is a crucial question for social workers in child protection (and others, of course).Essentially, as I understand it, trauma has myriad affects on a person. Most people experience some trauma in their life, defined simply as something 'really bad', whether that be a car crash, a relative dying, a serious injury and so on. However, child abuse by a parent is especially traumatic because as well as the physical or emotional pain of the abusive acts, the child experiences a severe breach of trust and is left to experience 'fear without solution' - normally, children turn to their parents for comfort when they are afraid but when the parent him or herself is the source of fear, the child (usually) has no-where to turn. The child still (usually) needs the parent as they are the person who provides care but they also need to be wary of the parent as they are harming them. Often, children cope not by believing the parent is bad and does not really love them (a somewhat logical response) but by believing they themselves are unloveable, or to blame in someway for the abuse (a psychological response). Much research shows that to resolve feelings toward trauma, we need to be able to make sense of what happened. This can be done by 'putting words' round the trauma or via a different and genuinely 'loving' or caring relationship (with another parent figure, with a partner, with a therapist etc). Either way, the resolution (not necessarily complete resolution) is to understand that the abused child / person was not to blame and that the abused child / person is not unloveable but they were unloved in that specific relationship. This can take a long time but can help ameliorate the affects of the abuse and help with future mental health and well-being.
How can an adult overcome childhood mental and emotional abuse by a parent?
Personally, I think the only way to overcome is through forgiveness. You see, forgiveness isn’t so much for the offender as it is for the offended. Otherwise, the abused carries the pain and anger throughout life. Guilt, shame, hurtful and hateful feelings only poison your life. They do nothing to the one who caused you to have those feelings, so the best way to free oneself of them is to forgive. Let them go. Forgive them, and forgive yourself for having those awful feelings.The first thing to understand is, it’s not your fault that bad things happened to you. The next thing to understand is that people do bad things to hurt others because they have a problem. Whatever that problem is has absolutely nothing to do with the person they hurt. Let me repeat that - it has nothing to do with you! They may try to make you think so, but that’s just their way of not taking responsibility for their own actions.Now, I’m not saying forgiving is easy. It takes work. Therapy helps. One might benefit from other self-help resources, but you have to be committed to making progress, ridding yourself of whatever negativity bogs you down. Remember this: you and you alone are responsible for your own actions. It’s OK to hold someone else accountable for theirs; but in the end, you must let go of all the anger, hurt, guilt and shame in order to overcome.Thanks for the A2A
I feel like I can't trust guys because of my father, how can I overcome this?
It's hard for me to love, trust and let other people info my life, especially when it comes to relationships. Growing up my dad was an alcoholic who physically and emotionally abused my mom. He'd beat my mom, disrespected her, and cheated on her. He'd basically treated her like crap. And I grew up witnessing this all the time and I swore that I would never let a guy treat me like that. This makes me scared to trust guys and let them into my life. Im afraid that I will end up like my mom, stuck I'm an abusive relationship and scared to leave. This is the main reason I push a lot of people away because I don't know who to trust, I'm afraid of getting hurt. I never had a good example of what love is and what a healthy relationship looks like.
I'm doing a speech and I need to know all I can about child abuse. So can anyone help me with this topic?
What type of abuse / certain kinds / all kinds...I could give you some specifics about what I know...but abuse is abuse...whether it's mental / physical / emotional / bullying...whatever the case maybe... you can get a lot of info off the internet...or try calling a placement agency that deals with kids this has happened to and see if a case worker / councelor can speak with you. They can't give you specific cases, but can help in answering some of your questions.
How does a mother deal with an abusive and cruel daughter?
How stressful for you to have been experiencing abusive and cruel behavior from your daughter.If the abuse and cruelty are extreme, then you need to call 911 if you are in immediate danger of bodily injury. Nobody deserves to be a human punching bag for others to vent their ill temper on.If her behaviors are not immediately life-threatening to you, you can call Social Services, the Adult Protective Services office and ask for help. They will investigate if you are a senior and you are being subjected to chronic verbal or emotional abuse, intimidation such as deliberate vandalism and verbal threats of bodily harm, if you fear that your daughter is stealing from you, engaging in identity theft or financial exploitation, and if your daughter is your caregiver and she is neglecting to care for you properly, you can report that as well.If your daughter is not engaging in egregious behaviors and is more like annoying and childish, then I suggest that the two of you go into family therapy together to discuss your differences and learn better ways to communicate with each other, and I recommend the book “Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist” by Fjeldstad, for information about how to set and maintain reasonable adult boundaries for yourself, and enforce your boundaries.