If someone says 'I forgive, but I don't forget', do they really forgive? How do they show it or is it just lies?
Forgiving is extremely empowering and a huge relief it allows you to get back on with your life, if you don't forgive you end up being resentful for a long time. The never forget bit is important too. Forgiveness comes down to 2 different values Mercy and grace. Exercising either of them requires you not to forget the transgression (and nearly all humans will have a very hard time forgetting a betrayal anyway).Mercy would be offering forgiveness when someone asks for it and has repented, it doesn't require you do anything more than this , forgiving doesn't mean regression back to the former state of things it is simply holding no ill will towards the offender. You can forgive and ostracize someone (this is not a punishment this is indifference you just remove yourself from their company), and that is a valid response dependant on the value of the relationship and the number of transgressions.Grace is far harder. Grace is taking the unrepentant offender forgiving him regardless and finding it within yourself to help them, not regress things back to the former state of the relationship because that would be positively reinforcing a bad behaviour, but take them and yourself on a different path of understanding each other help them understand their evil and show them a way to act more virtuous by example.In both cases the relationship what ever it was will never be the same as it was, it could grow stranger or desolve altogether, but it should not be forgotten, because you have to learn from it to avoid the same mistake in the future, notice someone likely to do the same or learn not to push someone to some kind of behaviour. Usually this leads to more umderstanding and better communication skills.
How do you forgive someone you don't want to?
Forgiveness is required for your healing. It is a service you are doing to yourself and not to the other person. It also does not mean that you are overlooking the acts of other person. It also does not mean that you will start be friends with other person and subject yourself to whatever treatment he meted out to you. It only means you are healing yourself of your emotional hurt,it is like a bitter medicine you take to cure yourself.
Can you forgive someone and still not talk to them?
Absolutely. When you forgive someone it's for yourself, not for them …it 's so that you can move on. So if whatever happened was a relationship breaker you can forgive them and never ever deal with them again in your lifetime.
How do you apologize to someone who will never forgive you at all?
You accept the fact that they do not want to accept your apology (or forgive you) and then you leave them alone. There is something incredibly self-serving and creepy about someone who insists on apologizing over and over again, because the truth is - they really don’t care if YOU are ok, or if they “know” you regret your actions… if you keep pushing for an acceptance, you are showing that you don’t really give a damn about them - you just want to be told that whatever you did is “ok” so it won’t seem like you are a jerk.Some people think that if a person refuses to accept an apology, they are being self-righteous, or just mean … that it isn’t “fair” … which is very judgmental and decidedly ‘unfair’ of them.I agree with Noufa Kisaki, “Because if i want you to accept my apology while you do not want to, it is very selfish and egoistical…” however I disagree with the idea to hug them or give them a gift - because to me that seems like trying to coerce forgiveness.The thing is - whatever you did that you feel you should apologize for, was done without their consent. Otherwise you would have no reason to apologize. They did not have a choice about being hurt or offended by your actions. And you do not have a choice (or control of) whether or not they will accept your apology.Sometimes, our actions have consequences that are more significant and more permanent than we anticipated. Accepting that somethings are not going to be forgiven is a lesson many of us have had to learn, some of us more than once.
What happens when you don't forgive someone?
There are some people out there that I still hate and have not been forgiven by me,after what they did was wrong or whatever but the thing is, is feeling angry and hating them normal? I know that when you forgive you can move on but what else if you can't? This has been dragging on for quite a while now, please help. Thanks
If you forgive someone, does it mean you have to mingle and socialize with them?
In a word, no. Christians often struggle with the idea that forgiveness also means not holding others accountable, or tolerating inappropriate behavior. If you had a temporary restraining order against them, then there certainly were behaviors that made you afraid. With this in mind, you certainly do not have to associate with them in any manner. Forgiveness and compassion are good, but this does not include placing yourself in harm's way. Do not feel guilty if you choose not to communicate with these people. For your own safety, I hope you do not.
How do you forgive someone when you can't forget what they did or said?
Forgetting is an aspect of biology, forgiveness arises out of will. The two are not as inseparable as we'd like at times, but the first deals with memory and the second with the construction of a story. The strength of memory is in no small part determined by the depth of the emotional connection or saliency that the event in question possesses. Greater emotional weight, greater number of ways in which the situation touches upon our lives, the more the memory will last, built up again and again with every recall. Forgiveness is about a story though, the story of yourself. Forgiveness is not about the other person, it's about how you have taken in the false story embedded in that other person's behavior. In every hurt, every heartache, every betrayal, there is a story being written in our hears/minds that we should identify with the lack that any such suffering has given to us. We take in the false story of having deserved the pain due to some inequity in ourselves. None of it is true. No matter the number of times having gone down a similar road, the truth of our lives is not bound in any lack. A person's betrayal is not about our stupidity or foolishness, but what that says about how they look at us. We do not need to accept it. I've written before on this at: Forgiveness: A Virtue in Defiance of Common Sense and The Inner Projection of Forgiveness . I'll repeat a point I wrote there:We do not have to reside within the false notion of ourselves that broken promises are promoting. We can with time, practice and the love of those who see us as worthy of not being treated as such come to that same re-cognition of our worthiness and in so doing find forgiveness.
Since Jesus said that we should forgive someone 70 times 7 times, then does that mean......?
That's 70 times 7 times in ONE DAY! You have to start over the next day. So, if in one day someone kicks your shin 490 times, you have to forgive him 490 times (do you REALLY keep track of every offense, and actually COUNT them???) You don't have to forgive him if he does it one more time, if you want to be a legalistic pharisee. But, again as a legalistic pharisee, you have to start over the next day and you can not hold any grudges from the previous day. Honestly, you need to forgive as many times and as frequently, and as indepth, as you want God to forgive YOU. (The way you forgive others, you will be forgiven: "Forgive us our traspesses AS we forgive (or in the same MANNER as we forgive) others who trespass against US.")