How can I get away from emotionally abusive parents?
People may tell you emotional abuse is not a thing, and other people have it worse, but your emotional pain is real, okay? I've been hit by a parent and I’ve been emotionally abused by a parent, and I will say I'd rather be hit. At least people recognize your struggles and you can get out of the situation. Unfortunately, most of the world doesn't take emotional abuse seriously.Part of the reason people don't take it seriously is that emotional abuse is actually considered an effective and acceptable method of child rearing.Most children desire love and praise from their parents, and so will (most of the time) try to make their parents happy. Emotional abuse takes advantage of that. At first the kid tries everything to be the perfect child, just to make their parent happy.Whenever the child does something undesirable, the parent refuses to show them compassion, something they desperately desire. The parent instead degrades the child, telling them through some means that they are not good enough, that something is wrong with them, that they are worthless. Most of the time, kids follow orders to the best of their ability, but learn expressing an opinion or any little slip-up can lead to a screaming fight.When they finally realize it's not going to stop, they lose whatever connection they had to that parent. In fact, they often lose respect, love and trust for others, as well as their ability to bond with others.Many emotionally abused children become abusive themselves, though some become “successful” - that is, their parent’s ideal. A small few escape the cycle and actually find happiness and success.Unfortunately, from what I've learned, escaping emotionally abusive parents can be very hard. You can try talking to a school councelor or something, but chances are, they won't be able to do anything. Emotional abuse is hard to prove, and most councelors will take the parent’s side. At this point, the best thing you can do is find every excuse you can not to be home or around your parents.Have lots of sleepovers with friends, join clubs after school, pretend to have six hours of homework every night, et cetera. Save for college, get a job, and move far away when you graduate.Sorry I can't be much help. I understand what it's like.
How should I handle my verbally abusive mother?
I have experience with a similar home life. I sought psychiatric care in order to discussmy family in a private space with a neutral party.It was important for me to separate my mother's voicefrom my own. Letters worked for me as far as sharing my thoughts and feelingsfrom a safe distance. She would say hurtful things to me becauseof who she is, NOT because of who I was/am. She would speak AT me and I would just nod my head, say "ok" or "Yes, Ma'm," and go off somewhere to write out my honest emotions. Then, later, after I collected myself, I would read what I wrote and edit. Once I felt like I could communicate in a respectful manner-not giving her anymore fuel for a fire, I would take the letter and fold it in 4. I felt like folding it twice would give me time to hear her opening the letter. I copied the letters and took the copies with me to my counseling sessions with the psychologist and discussed future options for surviving high school until I could finally leave.Perhaps my experience may inspire an action that is suitable for you and others.Do not confront her. She is mentally damaged. Sick brains do not operate like less-sick or well brains. She is sick and you must protect yourself in a graceful and respectful manner so that you do not become unwell. Forgive her and love her from a distance. There is no gain in retaliation or redress. You cannot change your mother so you must change how your heart responds to her sickness.May you find peace and happiness in the immediate future.HUG
Mnemonic device for incorrigible?
I wish she'd give me a miss, my horrible, incorrigible sis. or mentally picture a convict in a solitary confinement cell (incorrigible) or My mom's an incorrigible fusser!
I fear my girlfriend is somewhat abusive to her horses....?
I have been riding horses all my life. Not only for pleasure, but professionally riding dressage and western. The first thing that comes to mind when i read this is.... is it a bull whip or a long dressage whip? A bull whip... would be abuse. A bull whip is usually made of thick round leather and can be very long. It would actually hurt a horse. However a long dressage whip is usually made of a plastic like material that is braided and has a tiny tail at the tip. If it is a dressage whip there is really nothing wrong with that. Secondly it depends what the horse is doing when she jabs them. Is the horse actually acting up such as taking off, bucking rearing. Or is it just not "doing what she wants" if the horse is actually becoming dangerous then by all means spurring is not a major issue. Talk to her about how you feel. Worst case scenario you have to find a new cowgirl.
Can parents being too overprotective be abuse?
While being overprotective doesn’t officially qualify as abuse, it can be stifling and oppressive and does a child no justice. Overly controlling parents ultimately lose precisely that - control. Because as soon as their children are able to, they break free from their clutches.My mother was excessively domineering and I learned to hide everything from her. The more overbearing she was, the more deceptive and secretive I became. One thing she did to me, for instance, was check my pockets when I came home from school. If she found any money, she’d confiscate it, saying I was only going to buy drugs with the funds.I spent a lot of time hanging out in the back stairs of my building just to get some peace. We lived on the 16th floor and obviously no one climbs that many stairs when there’s an elevator. I noticed all the trash under the radiator, so I started balling my money into napkins, like garbage, and sticking it under there, as though it was my personal bank. I almost had heart failure when I entered the back stairs one day and saw two men cleaning. Fortunately, they were sweeping all the debris under the radiator, so I knew my stash was safe.I always felt like my mother had a choker collar around my neck, which left me desperate for freedom, so I understand what you’re going through . Violating your personal boundaries can be damaging, but depending how it’s done, may still be socially acceptable. If you have difficulty finding your own way around excessive rules, try asking another reasonable adult to speak to your mother about allowing your feelings to be expressed and respected.
What are my rights as a single parent who is being abused by my own son? He is 15. It is so bad that it is affecting my health.
If you're talking about physical abuse, you can call the cops and have him arrested. The fact that he's your son or that you're a single parent is irrelevant. It's illegal to physically attack another person regardless of their relationship to you.If you mean he's verbally or emotionally abusive, while those things are just as traumatic and damaging as physical abuse, unfortunately they're not illegal, at least not enough that cops will respond to it.If you are talking emotional or verbal abuse, - look, I'm going to be brutally honest here - you're failing as a parent. That's who is responsible for curbing his behavior at this point - you. At 15 he's almost fully developed, and the groundwork to prevent this type of behavior should have been laid years ago. Does that mean all is lost? Absolutely not. But it will be a lot of work and patience, and willingness to own your own mistakes, both with yourself and with him.First things first, what's the problem? I don't mean what's the symptom (the abuse), but where is that coming from? Fifteen year old boys are typically at a stage where they're both starting to really become aware of all the injustices that were done to them as a child (it always happens to some extent. None of us are perfect parents), and also starting to really feel the effects of testosterone, which can make you feel very aggressive and physically volatile until you learn to be familiar with and manage those feelings. This can create some pretty scary rage sessions. He very well may be surprising himself with his reactions, and might be worried that he's some kind of monster, which just compounds the problem.Can you talk to him? Do you have the type of relationship with him where you talk about what's causing him pain and stress? If not, you're going to need to find someone he can talk to. A youth pastor, or a favorite teacher, or an uncle, or if you can afford it and can find a good one, a professional therapist. You need to get him talking to someone who can find out what the root cause is. Once that issue has been addressed (and any others that are lying under the surface), I think you'll find that boy who loves you is still in there.