Can a narcissist be kind and generous, or is there always a hidden agenda to their actions?
Generosity implies selflessness. People who are truly generous, kind, and decent don’t go around talking about it, they just ARE. They don’t seek credit for every little thing they do, or endlessly plug their good deeds and positive attributes to you or others. Narcissists, on the other hand, are driven by a pressing need for self-aggrandisement, and they can go to great lengths to convince everyone, including themselves, that they’re good, virtuous people. Rest assured that any acts of kindness or charity on their part are performed with this purpose in mind.Now if you’re involved with a narcissist and are wondering how you fit into the picture…well, it’s probably not in the way you might hope. Sadly, relationships don’t bring about any changes in their motives. If a narcissist is being outwardly “generous” towards you, it isn’t in response to your needs. It’s based instead on three main, egocentric objectives:boosting his/her feelings of superiority over youplacing you in a position of indebtedness and obligationpromoting his/her image to you and others (friends, family members, etc.) as an ideal partner. This makes a perfect springboard to smearing you later on, by emphasizing how ungrateful and unappreciative you are in return.So what’s missing in all of the above?For starters, there’s a total lack of authenticity and sincerity. Generosity is stripped of all fondness, attachment, and devotion. It becomes utterly impersonal- just another finely-tuned facet of the idealized false self designed to elicit as much praise and admiration as possible. And that leads to the equally disturbing absence of concern for the effect of this behavior on the partner. When someone’s thinking revolves almost exclusively around himself/herself, that leaves precious little room for you, or anyone else. So as ostensible “kindness” gives way to devaluation, your feelings become nothing more than an expendable casualty on the frontlines of the narcissist’s internal struggles and relentless quest for validation.Like everything else, kindness and generosity are simply means to achieving their ends. And these ends will always have to do with their self-interest.That’s why the words “narcissist” and “generous”, go together about as well as “king cobra” and “cuddly”.
If being kind makes you feel good, does that mean you're selfish in a way?
thanks for the a2a.the oed defines selfish as “lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure” [emphasis mine]so i guess it’s a question of how much of your motivation is down to the feelgood factor of it.but even if it turned out you did it largely because of your own reward: if you aren’t harming anyone, and other people stand to benefit from something you benefit from too, why beat yourself up about it…? especially if the prerequisite of your kindness is some form of consideration for others?in volunteering, we talk a lot about win-win-win.the people addressed by the volunteering get something out of itthe people doing the volunteering and the organisations employing them get something out of itsociety at large gets something out of itpersonally, i think of that as nature’s way of making sure that, as a social species who depend on each other for our survival, we are reasonably nice to each other so we can cooperate.
Why do I see others and feel like they have everything so damn perfect and their life so glamorous? I’m starting to feel bad about myself.
It's like looking through a window from outside.When you're inside looking out through a window you can see all kinds of things outside, a person on the street is just a small piece. But that person on the street can only see a small part of what's inside the window, and if they see you you are a big part of what they see.When you think about yourself you know all of your worries and desires, there's a lot going on in your head. But when you look at someone else you only see the part of them that they show you. Their life may look perfect but they also have a lot more going on in their life than what you get to see.I have had plenty of people tell me that I'm calming and reassuring to talk to because I'm easy-going and relaxed. I'm glad that I can help them in that way, but internally I frequently feel like I'm in a maelstrom of anxiety and I work hard to use reason to overcome problems and resist reacting to emotions.Just because someone seems perfect doesn't means that's their reality.
Why did Jesus not know those who cried lord lord, saying we cast out demons, and professied in your name, what?
was the problem? Would like to have the CATHOLIC responce to this. thanks.
What is something that no one notices except you?
I can be so paranoid that I notice things that I shouldn’t ……. examplesMICROAGRESSIONS ; yes I notice it all the time. The question is if it’s intentional or not. The fact remains I notice it. The insidious nature of them makes tricky to identify but I’ve been in enough spaces to spot them.If I’m dining out I will always try to locate where the way into the kitchen is. I don’t want to escape thru the emergency exits because everyone else will. I want to escape thru the kitchen because more often than not it’ll lead directly into the parking lot.In traffic I notice cars that need an alignment. It might be because I’m so into cars but I can always spot a car in need of an alignment. Even if it’s parked.I notice people with superiority and inferiority complexes; often and early too for that matter. I don’t even need to talk to them; a few glances at their body language , their posture and their hand gestures will do the trick for me.With women - I notice when text messages get shorter ; I notice when the way they talk to me start changing to a point where I even start documenting it to compare. I can even pinpoint exactly when interest/desire was lost.With coworkers - I notice when they’re trying to size me up by asking where I live, what I drive, how much I pay for it, and every other simple question which they ask and will forget working 10 minutes.Lastly WHORES (males & females ) it doesn’t matter if they’re dressed up like royalty. I notice whores within one greeting ; their are a lot of undercover whores in our world but they can hide from my eyes they have two dead giveaways which never fail.
Why don't more schools teach children about ethics, justice, compassion, and integrity?
In many classrooms (including mine), ethics, justice, compassion, and integrity are taught informally, if not formally. I lay out certain rules of behavior in myclassroom at the beginning of the year and then expect students to follow them. I discuss these rules with them—I don’t lecture them about the rules but rather we have a conversation about what makes a good classroom environment. These rules include :Respect for all. No one may laugh at anything anyone else says or asks. Everyone needs to feel comfortable in the classroom, and students learn by asking questions.Each person has a right to speak up and to be heard. Therefore, no one may speak when someone else is talking (whether a student or me).If a student behaves in a way that jeopardizes him/herself or others, there are consequences. If a student does something particularly good, there are rewards.If a student can’t do homework because of a problem outside of class, they need to let me know. Assuming that this does not happen on a regular basis, I can excuse them.All students are expected to do their own work. Students don’t learn by copying the work of others, and my job, among other things, is to teach them how to learn. My feeling is that I can only have a good learning environment if the students feel safe, cared for, and respected. While having classes on ethics and compassion, for example, are good, using these qualities actually teaches the students appropriate behaviors.