How to forgive people who have hurt you?
Here's the deal...I believe that there is power in forgiveness. The problem is, I'm still really angry with people who have hurt me. Some unbelievably cruel things were done/said to me as recently as a few years ago. When I would talk about it, people would deny what they did. They accused me of lying, being manipulative, and being crazy. Counseling and therapy did not help. I wish I could put it behind me. I was raped at the age of 12 by an older friend of my family. I was told to never tell my mother. I was told that it was my fault. My aunt claims that I was seeking attention and that it is all in my mind. My family is really proficient at denial. My stepfather abused me for years while my mother looked the other way. I realize that she thought he was trying to "discipline" me but it was abuse. He made inappropriate sexual comments, called me fat and lazy, said I was stupid, tried to hit me, punished me for no good reason, called me a slut, screamed abusive insults at me, accused me of misbehaving constantly, and ruined my relationship with my mom. Now that I'm an adult who is married, I still feel extremely sad and depressed about the past. I know I can't undo what happened. I grew up lonely, without friends or siblings, and I have severely low self-esteem. I've had suicidal thoughts. I wish I could talk to my husband about this. He is very good to me but he doesn't understand. I was in an abusive relationship before I met him. At 26 years old, I still feel powerless and sad. I don't know what to do. I wish I could forgive...but I still feel so much hatred inside. Can anyone please help me?
Why can't I forgive people who have hurt me?
Because you have not learned to let go of anger. Being angry with somebody because they have hurt us is a normal instinctive defense mechanism. It serves us well often. To be angry or upset or bitter often though, is stressful and unhealthy. Then following that instinctive reaction does not serve us well. There might come a time, where you can learn to be angry over the mistake the person made, and not at the whole person. Where you might want to forgive because the person you know is not mostly a bad person. To accept that we are all capable of making a hurtful mistake; and therefore others deserve some empathy and forgiveness if they regret their mistakes that they have made.
Why are we supposed to forgive people who have hurt us or were mean to us?
Why are we told to get over it? What does forgiving someone do for the victim?? If someone treated you bad, it’s natural to want to get revenge on them (karma). I don’t get it.
Is it bad to forgive people easily?
I think so. I used to forgive people who would call me ugly, tell me I was worthless, so on and so forth and I ended up ******* myself over, so I really think you should cautious about who you trust and who you forgive. People will walk all over you if you know that you'll forgive them anyway. **Forgiveness is a great thing, but you've got to draw the line somewhere.