How do you like my story so far?
i'm still working on it, but what do you think of it so far? I knew this would happen eventually. But it is still the most humiliating thing that has ever happened. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the rude stares and murmurs. Then it's my turn. I step onto the platform, hands bound before me, my description and price around my neck. Being the fifth daughter, and not really my parents daughter at all should have prepared me. My mother died after she gave birth to me, and my father remarried a few months later. My father died when I was five, and my stepmother remarried a week later. Now, at fifteen, I must face the fate of my older sisters. The bids are slow to start, but they quickly rise. Only when two are left do I dare raise my head and peek at them. The man has dark hair and curling whiskers. He wears a dark suit and a watch. Perhaps he would not be so bad. The other is a hard faced woman, with more lines on her face than I can count. Then another man shouts a bid. The audience falls silent. No one speaks until the auctioneer yells, "Sold!" He comes up to the platform, and I can get a better look at him. He has a long knotted gray beard and piercing black eyes that I cannot look away from. He doesn't say a word to me until we are far away from the crowds. "What's your name?" He demands suddenly. His eyes lock onto mine, and my tongue feels frozen. "Name! I asked you a question!" "N...nn...name? I don't have one. I'm sixth daughter and have no true parents." "Well, I'm not going to call you 'girl' or 'hey you' all the time. Pick a name, any name!" This man is ridiculous. He must know that I cannot pick just any name. To have a name that a member of royalty has means a quick trip to the noose, an even quicker trip to have the name that a dragon has had. As you can imagine, there's not a whole lot left. "Fine. If you cannot name yourself, I will name you." He peers at the sky, squinting. "Sky. It's not a usual name, and there will be no confusion when I call you in a crowd." He keeps walking, leaning heavily on his walking stick. I stare at him in shock. Sky? It's not a proper name at all! Apparently he doesn't care though. I shake my head and hurry after him. yea, it's rough, but i'm looking for criticism and honest answers here.
What do you think of my story?
If you're only fourteen, you need to never stop writing. Ever. Here's my two cents; this is a great piece of fiction for a lot of reasons. It has excellent grammar and spelling. The syntax is very engaging. Your vocabulary is admirable and you do a great job of using strong, descriptive, smaller words instead of trying to use bigger fancy ones. Since I don't believe in ever giving just negative or just positive criticism, I have to try and find some sort of thing I think needs fixing, so on and so forth. But really, all I have is this. --First, reading this brought several images to my mind. Eragon, a bit of Harry Potter, Willow (old movie), and some more. I would caution you to be careful with how you proceed as you don't want to appear to be copying those or make it too clichéd. However, I know that is not your intention, and that you probably plan on taking the story in a different direction entirely. So, that's not really an issue. --Second, the only part that pulled me away from the story was the basket. In the beginning it says the woman is carrying a bundle. The mental picture I got was just a bunch of blankets wrapped around the baby, but then suddenly there was this basket and I began wondering where it came from. Aside from those two relatively minor things, I am impressed with your skill. I also cannot give enough praise to the following sentence: "For in her arms lay a beautiful child, with hair as black as the night itself, and skin as bright as the moon." For some reason that sentence really stood out to me and it's just great. The contrast between dark and light, but using two inseparable objects... It's genius and paints a very vivid and captivating image in the readers' minds. Very well done. Your plot sounds very classic and engaging. (Just so you're aware, when I say cliché it's typically not a good thing, but classic is like a cliché that's good.) Finally, just out of curiosity, is Mel short for anything or is her name just Mel? Thanks for the good read. Hope this helps, and best of luck!
Do you like my story?
ok uhm it is a little sad so be aware! "Tasha get your scrony lil' toosh down here!" screamed Mama. As I woke up and glanced at my clock (4:00am great.) I alomost fell over I was so tired! Mama, my step mother, has been living with me for 5 years now. Four years ago, my father died. I bet you anything Mama killed him! "Coming Mama!" I attempted to yell but only let out a whisper. Once I was downstairs I saw Mama with her hands on her inerexic hips as she hollered "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Wow. What a stupid question. "I've been sleeping Mama, and shouldn't you be doing the same?" I asked her. "Don't get smart with me little missy! Why do you think I took you out of school!? Oh yeah... Mama took me out of school when Papa died. "GO CLEAN OUT DOIDLE'S BARN! IT SMELLS LIKE YOU AGAIN! Wow... you can see Mama has a way with insaults. As I walked over to the barn with my flashlight, it started to rain. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? If you where wondering who Doidle is, he is my pet pig.
How would you like your life story to be told?
Most people would love their story to communicate and be accepted by their audience.And most fail.But it is usually not because of their content or their message.It is usually because of communication AND because the story and message is not trusted.Sadly, this has become the biggest problem of business today.The simple lack of trust… not the message itself.Be yourself, be genuine…and share yourself.And you improve yourself and your message many times over.
What for kinda name for my story?
I love the name Into the Twilight - it sounds really deep and profound... I like to - From dawn to dusk To the weapon - Hum... Enerblade or Eternalblade From latin i only know this- Regina - it means queen Luna - it means moon A bonis bona disce - Join the good ones and one of them you will be A fructibus cognoscitur arbor -The tree is known by its fruit A magnis proprio vivitur arbitrio.- When force comes on the scene, right goes packing A fronte precipitium, a tergo lupi - To fall out of the fryingpan into the fire A digito cognoscitur leo - The lion is known by his paw. A cane non magno saepe tenetur aper - A small leak will sink a great ship. A puro fonte defluit aqua pura - Good fruit of a good tree. Ab alio exspectes, alteri quod feceris - You shall have as good as you bring Ab amico reconciliato cave. - Reconciled friend is a double enemy Ab asino lanam quaerere - To fish for strawberries in the bottom of the sea Ad partus ovium noscuntur pondera ventrum - Do not triumph before the victory. Aequiparat factum nobile velle bonum - Take the will for the deed. I know Portuguese... Here are some words: Crepúsculo - Twilight Rainha - Queen Lua - moon Esperança - Hope Deus - God Deusa - Goddess Luz - Light Mal- Evil Bem - good Alma - Soul Good luck I hope I can read your story soon =) Indi
I need R&B songs like My story by sean mcgee?
if you mean about downloading them you can do it for free just download Ares just go to ares.com download it for free and unlimited songs at your finger tips
PLEASE READ MY STORY!?
Absolutely beautiful. Fantastic. Needs a little editing, but then again (being a writer myself), it always needs editing (even once published) - and others point that out better than you do. I think it's really moving, and much like my style of writing. You don't use words that are too complicated, and the context is perfect for those that require some thinking. I would publish this in a book of short stories! And do you know what else I love? You're using such a valuable resource (this site) to do something that isn't mindless drivel in texting-form about body image and whatnot. And you can actually write. Extremely well. I love this.
Why do we like the story of cinderella?
Cinderella shows that even the most abused, socially ostracized girl can grow up and find that one special person to love them.
Does my story sound too much like Twilight?
I'm fourteen years old and writing a story, just for fun really. I want to show my friends and family it because so far it seems really good. But when I was writing my fifth chapter it started to remind me a bit too much like Twilight. My book is about a young girl whose mother and brother were murded and she goes to live with her dad. I'm not going to get to into the details, but she starts finding some clues as to who -and what- killed her mom and brother. She discovers the murderer was a vampire and goes to try and kill him somehow, but ends up falling in love with him. I know that pretty much EVERY vampire & human love story sounds like Twilight.. but does mine sound TOO much like it?
Do you like writing stories or poems?
That's a tricky question.In my personal opinion, writing stories is like showing someone what you dream of, what you imagine, yet leaving them to imagine what's happening.Poetry is like letting them imagine by giving a faint outline of what you want to say. Poetry is all about reading between the lines and concentrating on the pauses.But when it comes to stories and poetry, writing poems is harder and more challenging. You need to tell others what you feel, in limited words.I like writing poems. It brings out the feeling and emotions that have been locked up deep inside of my heart.