Single mom working 2 full time jobs?
I'm a 18 year old single mother. I have my own place and car, I'm a Cna, I work 3-11 4 days on 2 off at a nursing home and then I just got another job at a different nursing home from 11-7. I have a 8 month old daughter who I support completely myself. Do you think this is working too much? The 11-7 job is 4 on,2 off too. I have a babysitter which is my mother and other family. I just want some opinions and experiences.
As a newly-single working mom, does it ever get easier to be away from your kids all day?
Well, I'm not a single mom, but I do work all day and commute. I leave the house at 7:30am and return at 7:30pm every day. My husband is self-employed so he's the one who stays with the kids after school.In the beginning it was really hard to feel continuously that I am missing everything and I felt bad about it, even though they are with their father who is great, but you know — he's not me (I'm not diminishing his abilities as a father, just saying that it isn't the same; the fact that they're well-cared doesn't take away the fact that I'm missing it). I won't say that I don't feel bad anymore or that I don't miss them like crazy; I do. *But* on the other hand, I also feel good about working with something that I love, advancing in my career and growing professionally.I think it's good for my children to see me feeling accomplished, and that it's a house where mom works all day long while dad takes care of the kids and the house; I hope it will help them grow knowing that any task can be performed by anyone in the family. I also think they like to know that from the moment I step into the house - I'm theirs. When my eldest was just born I worked as a freelancer, so although I was physically in the house, I was never 100% with him because being a freelancer means pretty much that you work 24/7.You want to know if it will ever get easier. You know, you will probably always feel a bit guilty about being away all day, but you do get used to it. And between us (and the whole internet), there will always be those days when your kid suddenly throws a terrible tantrum and makes you go completely insane, and I promise you - on those days you'll feel relieved to go to work. It's like a moment where you get some time to talk to other grownups, if you make friends at work you may even be able to vent about your horrible night/morning, and recharge your batteries for when you go back home.I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm positive you'll be fine. <3
Being a single mom(very hard!)?
The short answer: I approach it one day at a time, put them first above everything and everyone else, and slowly count down the days until they'll be in college. Just kidding about that last part...kind of. Before I got divorced, I was basically a married single mom...getting no help whatsoever with the finances, house, cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc. I mention that because you've already gotten comments saying you should've thought about the trials of single parenthood before going there; that's an idiotic thing for people to say, especially when most marriages end in divorce. Don't feel bad that you didn't become a parent the way some in society feel you should have. Taking away that guilt or shame (if you have any) will help you be a better mother to your son. Unless the naysayers are willing to pay your bills or do a 3 a.m. feeding, it's best to pay them no mind. Anyhow, it does not get easier as they get older, but you are able to juggle your time a bit better. I can tell you that the young baby stage, up until about 18 months, is the easiest you will ever have it, provided your child is healthy. Your son is quite easy to care for compared to a toddler, preschooler or older child, so relish this time as much as possible...you'll wish he were still a baby later. As for money, have you filed for child support? I can tell you that even if you have, you may not get anything from your son's father. It depends on how aggressively your state goes after him, whether he evades, how many other kids he has, etc. Also, NEVER enter into a relationship just to a) secure a full-time father for your son, b) gain financial security. At this point, think of yourself as your son's sole provider, and do everything you can to give him what he needs. If you need to turn to community resources or benefits, do so, but don't go running to some man. As you already know, depending on a man to come through isn't always realistic; most don't.
Is it REALLY hard being a single mom?
I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant, with my first child. The "father" skipped out in the very beginning. I haven't really truly thought about what's about to happen once the baby finally comes, Since i've been getting closer to the due date. It just hasn't really seemed real until now. Im starting to get really scared. I don't know how i'm going to do this on my own. Don't get me wrong I can't wait to see my little man but I can't help to think about whats to come. Please I need advise.
What can I get my Mom for her birthday? She is a hard-working single mom trying to take care of me and my brother. I can tell she has been stressing out since my dad left, and I want to show her that I care.
I am not a single mother, but I can tell you that at the end of the day, all mothers really want is a day off from life. There aren’t very many days when we get to wake up and say “What is it that I want to do today.” I can’t imagine how hard it must be on her to have your dad leave, and I’ll bet more often than not, the question she asks herself in the morning is, “What do I have to do today to get us all through this day?”If you want to make her cry ugly, happy tears on her birthday, do the following:Clean the entire house. Dishes, bathrooms, laundry, all of it! I know that it seems like a lot of work, but I never feel more loved than when my kids clean without me having to ask them. It not only makes me feel like I am appreciated, but it frees up so much of my energy and time to spend doing something for me. If you can’t do all of it, start with the kitchen and do the best you can. The dishes are an absolute must.Make her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (Or take her out for some if it's in your budget.)Buy her a bath bomb, a good book (or movie or crossword-puzzle book or whatever it is that helps her relax) and tell her that you will clean up after dinner and anything else she would normally have to do at night. Send her to her room and don’t bug her unless she wants you to. Don’t play loud music or fight with your brother for the rest of the night.Write her an awesome card that tells her how much you love her. These mean more to us than you know. I keep all the letters from my kids in a drawer next to my bed so I can read them on the really hard days.If this seems like too much, here is the lighter version.Do the dishes, bring her breakfast in bed, and write her a nice card. Then clean up after dinner.You are a rocking child for thinking about her and wanting to make her birthday special. I would already feel so appreciated knowing that you cared if you were my kid. You’re going to do great!
Do you feel it's hard to rise your kid as a single mom, and how do you get through the frustrated moments?
I find it is the most challenging, enjoyable, fulfilling endeavor of my life.It is immensely easier for me to parent as a single parent than it was while I was married to my children's father.-- I no longer have someone undermining my parenting in my own home-- My children get to see me as a happier, healthier person-- My children get to see a woman model "no tolerance" for abusive and manipulative behavior-- My children get to see first hand the immense differences in the way two households function. They will get to choose the best of both (I hope) when they are managing their own households in the future.-- My children get to see a woman who is strong and capable role-model adult behavior through all situations.I am not trying to down-play the tough moments. They are there. But I've found that I am fully capable of this task, and I grow continually as a parent and an individual. And there were far MORE though moments trying to parent as a member of an incredibly dysfunctional parenting "unit" than I have as a single mother.And the rewards of doing a good job at this are immense. My children love me. They get to see me for who I am away from the continual conditioning of another adult they love trying to paint a picture of me as mean ole Mama -- everything would be so great if only Mama weren't in the picture, or if you don't do this and that, Mama will be angry. They don't feel they have to keep secrets "to keep Dad from getting in trouble". They get to see Dad for who and what he is as he clearly makes makes his own decisions in how he lives his life. He no longer has as effective a scapegoat in me.I am thankful everyday for the insightful therapist who advised me, "Your children need one healthy parent, not to two parents."