Does my story sound too much like Twilight?
I'm fourteen years old and writing a story, just for fun really. I want to show my friends and family it because so far it seems really good. But when I was writing my fifth chapter it started to remind me a bit too much like Twilight. My book is about a young girl whose mother and brother were murded and she goes to live with her dad. I'm not going to get to into the details, but she starts finding some clues as to who -and what- killed her mom and brother. She discovers the murderer was a vampire and goes to try and kill him somehow, but ends up falling in love with him. I know that pretty much EVERY vampire & human love story sounds like Twilight.. but does mine sound TOO much like it?
Does this story sound allright?
Hi. I like your story. Here are some corrections. "Darling daring Daisy dino" is a good alliteration, This is not an onomatopoeia. Growls and roars are examples of onomatopoeia. Not alliteration. Why "Gr's"? Growl is a perfectly good onomatopoeia, and it is also proper English. "Waits and wonders" is a stronger personification than smiles. Your personification really has to stand out because you've painted a picture of this friendly lovable pet that in my mind already has a smile on its face. Smiling is a physical behavior that does not stand out much from growling or roaring or hugging. Waiting and wondering take behavior to the next level. The skyscraper simile is good but doesn't fit with the rest of the story. You could put a better simile in the next sentence with. "Daisy purrs like a kitten when I hug her." That would also get rid of the word smile. Finished product: Daisy the Dino is a big tiger. She growls and roars when she's lonely, and she purrs like a kitten when I hug her. The darling and daring Daisy the dino waits and wonders when I'll next hug her close. Daisy the Dino is a big tiger.[metaphor] She growls and roars[onomatopoeia] when she's lonely, and she purrs like a kitten[simile] when I hug her. The darling and daring Daisy the dino[alliteration] waits and wonders[personification] [also alliteration] when I'll next hug her close.
Story Question...Its a part from my story. how does it sound?
It's really good it's just that you're wording needs some help and needs to flow alot more. it's a really goood start but what does samantha have to do with anything not to mention i got a bit lost on the whole 'under water thing' you don't really talk about it. it just my opinion though but anyway you shoud try thuesuras.com
How come all teen stories sound cliche?
I think you need to be careful with this one. When you have that many characters it's hard to have good character development with each one and not have their crossing paths seem contrived. I don't know how old you are or how long you've been writing, but if you're not that experienced it may be hard to get it quite right because it's more complicated than a traditional story. It is also quite easy to have a story like this lose it's focus. I think even the most complicated story has to have a clear focus. About being cliche...I think it's very hard to have a decent story that isnt cliche. There are so many movies and books that it's hard to have something that doesn't fall into the "cliche" category. The thing that breaks it out of that in my opinion is the quality of the writing. Keep it simple. Write about what you know. And have a clear point to what you're writing. That's the best advice I can give :-)
What does a punch sound like?
Whatever broken teeth sound like
How can you describe a gun shot in a story?
If you wanted realism, I'll tell you briefly of four different situations I've heard guns go off without ear protection.If you're 30 feet away from a large caluber hunting rifle, its very loud, but not damaging.If you're in the next room from a small caliber pistol in a home, it may not even sound like a gun, and you'll walk over to see what it was.If you're in a large concrete room (a shooting range) and there are multiple shooters, you will cover your ears and run out to put your protection on, or struggle with them where you stand.If you are within 6 feet of a shotgun, especially if shooting the shotgun, it will be so loud that you may only feel and pressure in your ears like when they pop. All sounds will be deafened for a brief moment, and hearing will slowly be regained over the course of a few seconds. I was shooting a 12 guage without “ears” on and didn't even hear the shot, and neither did the person standing next to me. This can happen indoors in close proximity as well. But, as I mentioned before, if it's in another room separated by one or more closed doors, it's just an abnormally loud noise. I wasn't sure if the one I heard was a gunshot because it was in a large heavily carpeted bedroom that really absorbed the sound.So in summary, close proximity — no audible shot, ears only ring when indoors. Medium proximity — very loud, but not damaging. Distant proximity — concussive gunshot. And identifying gunshots from other noises requires an understanding of the difference between a concussive and a percussive sound, the former being an explosion, and the latter being a striking of two objects together.If you don't have experience with guns, gunshots are more concussive than fireworks. Gunshots are meant to violently explode and expell energy immediately, whereas fireworks are more tuned towards pushing multiple projectiles all around them, so they're “slower”; more of a boom than a bang. Distance blurs the line between “booms” and “bangs” because of reverberations and volume. Certain sound frequencies also travel further through the air and different obstructions such as buildings and trees.
How do you write the sound of a stomach rumbling in a story?
"Bill was sitting at the computer when... Grugurgrpgurrghghghg. He looked about. I hope no one heard that, he though as he thumped his stomach. That was not a smart thing to do as the stomach responded in kind. grughghgurhgughrgurghgurhghr. The dog came up to him and started barking towards him. What hideous monster was attacking his master?"