How do I deal with a sister-in-law who ignores me?
It’s unfortunate but true that you can’t “make” others like you. It’s unlikely you can change her personality - and it’s probably a waste of time trying to figure out what, if anything, she has against you - but you can try to change the dynamic.Was your husband raised in a large family and you in a small family? That could be part of the difference in approach.Using resources - e.g., kitchen utensils while working in the kitchen - can often be viewed as helpful behavior using common tools, with people from large families more likely to just pitch in without asking. Sure it would be great if she said “which bowl may I use?” or “do you have a paring knife?” before using your carving knife on the vegetables, but if she’s going after tools or implements you would prefer she not use why not be proactive and say “oh, the red bowl would be better for that…let me get it.” If you gently and consistently redirect her away from the things you would prefer she not use she may get the idea of asking.Or just move the “good stuff” to higher cabinets so she chooses things you don’t mind her using that are easier to find.Next, where is it written you need to give presents? You might ask your husband about how gift-giving was handled in his family and find you’re creating an obligation she isn’t used to. Sure she should thank for presents, but perhaps giving up gift-giving is an option that removes that tension.As to your husband “not seeing anything wrong” it’s quite possible his sister has always been like this so it’s normal to him. Asking your husband to tell his sister to “stay out of the kitchen” or “say thank you for gifts” is likely to cause more hard feelings rather than less, particularly if she’s an older sister.You need to enforce your own boundaries. Say it with love, say it with humor, say it with a smile, but instead of stewing say “We really love having you over, and I’d like to make your stay comfortable. Please ask me if you need anything and I’ll be happy to show you where things are.”You may need to say it every time, but eventually she’ll likely get the drift.Finally, on your SIL ignoring you, you’ll just need to remain friendly and try to engage her. Find out from your husband about his sister’s interests, and try to ask her questions. People tend to warm up to those who show an interest in them, so if you make a bit of effort to engage her on topics with which she’s comfortable it may get her to open up.Thank you to OK for the A2A and best of luck!
Can my sister-in-law deny me to see my own nephew?
Okay, so my sister in law married to my brother is 6 months pregnant. We had an argument on the topic of her saying "No sports until he is 13". I made a comment later saying "If he says "mom wont let me have this game" and it's not violent/bad, then I'm going to buy him that damn game and there is nothing you can do about it short of file a restraining order and if you stoop that low, I'll see your *** in court." She then said "Jeremy. For that you will not see my son. Ever. I'm sorry and there will be restraining order now.". I am pretty damn positive that she can't do that, but I just want to make sure. My brother [The father] would NEVER EVER agree on a restraining order. I know for a fact that he would divorce and take custody of that child far before he would deny me the right to be part of that childs life. So, as long as they're living together and raising the child together, she would HAVE to have Toms consent on a restraining order, right? At the same time, doesn't she need something solid to use in court as an excuse to why she wants a restraining order? I mean, you just can't take anyone to court and get a restraining order on them without a good reason, right? Me being fair in ways that she isn't, isn't a good excuse at all. I can understand it if the game is violent or there is something bad about it for a child, but if it seems appropriate to me and it's rated accordingly, I'll give him what he wants. She can't get a restraining order for that can she?
How should I deal with my father-in-law's excessive interference and domination over my personal life and marriage if my husband supports him instead of me?
Such a great question!It can be really hard when we have a father-in-law that is overstepping boundaries and getting in between you and your relationship. As a result, this can cause a lot of tension and arguments in your relationship.When we first think about getting married, the idea of joining two families together is very exciting. You can't wait to say "I do" and officially have new parents who you want to call "mom and dad".Unfortunately, not everyone is able to experience a joyous blending of two families and often find themselves frustrated and angry at certain aspects and interactions with their in-laws. This can be very hard to deal with, and disappointing.When in-laws start to become a negative aspect of your life, that is when it is getting toxic. Relationships with in-laws are quite complicated. Every family is different in terms of the type of relationship people have them, but the idea of acceptance seems to be common throughout.If people have good relationships with their in-laws, they should consider themselves lucky! However, that’s not the story for many people.It’s important to be able to spot the signs of having toxic in-laws so you know how to address the issue.Signs of Toxic In-Laws1. They are overly involved in your decisions2. They try to turn you and your significant other against you3. Your privacy as a couple is not respected4. They say negative things about you to your significant other5. They ignore you6. They make insulting commentsHere are some solutions on how you can manage your in-law:1. Always remember that you and your significant other are a team2. Both you and your spouse address issues to your own parents; don't confront the in-laws3. Take appropriate space when needed4. Set boundaries5. Don't insult your in-laws in front of your spouse; be respectfulNo matter what, it’s important to remember that you and your significant other are a unit, and should be united together as your own family. It’s important to take care of yourself if you have an in-law that is causing frustration, which ultimately helps protect the relationship from harm that could arise if you did not take steps to address it appropriately.I actually created a video related to your question. I think it will be helpful in terms of going into detail about ways you can manage your father-in-law. Feel free to check it out when you get a chance. :)