Reaching out to an estranged relative?
In December, I learned through a FB posting that my mother had passed away. Since then, I have been trying to get in touch with my aunt, who was her caregiver during her final days and who had also planned the funeral. It was by chance that I just happened to be on FB that day to read the posting. Now--being newly Catholic--I feel like I was led to there TO find the posting. It took me awhile to reach out to my aunt--I was in shock, after all--and I wasn't sure how my correspondence would be received. I sent her a "Thinking of You" type Valentine's Day card. I still haven't heard anything from her. We've been out of touch for a few years. All this time, I have been giving her the benefit of the doubt as to why she never even notified that my mother was sick. But now, nearly 2 months since I sent her a Valentine's Day card, it's starting to feel like a slap in the face. I was on FB again last night, and came across a girl--well, woman--who I know I'm related to in some way. I have no answers, and everywhere I've searched has come up empty. I would like to believe that my mother had made peace with our Lord before her passing (growing up, she wasn't the best mother, very abusive and what not). I've thought about reaching out to my aunt's church, but I'm not sure if they would tell me anything, let alone how my aunt would feel about it. Any suggestions? BTW, the death certificate only raised more questions.
I have to reach out to estranged family members to settle a relative's estate. How do I politely explain that neither my parents nor I wish any contact with any of them beyond what is required by law?
You don’t need to say you desire no more contact than the law requires. You demonstrate it. I don ’t know whether you are the executor. Write something along these lines.Dear X,As you know, Y died (date). I am representing the estate and am contacting you because you might have a legal interest to be taken into account as we go through the legal processes. (You might cite the section of your state code that applies.) If you know what the various relations are to get, tell them. If it is money, tell them a check will be coming as soon as probate is completed; if it is an item, say it will be coming via USPS or UPS. If you don’t know yet, say you and lawyers are working to determine what the estate will be after all legitimate claims against it are paid and you will notify everyone when there is a determination.It is a great honor to be of service to (dead relative). If there is any further information you believe should be considered, please send it in writing to (address).Sincerely yours,
What are some steps to take to find an estranged relative that hasn’t been seen in years?
Ok, pay for research sites are great, but the last thing you want, or need, to do is plug your credit card info all over for a good chance at the same info you can locate free. And then some. As someone who has vanished into thin air a few times, and hunted down those who have done the same, I’ll give you a general overview of how to do it without drawing a ton of attention or spending a bunch of money on sites that pretty much give you 20 year old addresses and a list of “This could be your *insert name here*”State court databases. These are invaluable, free, and most states down to their municipal courts have criminal, civil, probate, ect records online. Some going back into the 1960’s. VERY few of us walk through this life without leaving our footprint in a courtroom over something or another. And they like to keep records. And they KEEP those records. If you have a last known address, or region, this is always a good starting point. Google or DuckDuckGo “online court services (insert name of city, state, country)”. These records usually contain an address, and other pertinent information useful to your search.Now, not making assumptions as many folks choose to take leave of others for their own reasons and circumstances, however - check inmate rosters, probation and parole information for many states can be had online easily as well. These often contain photographs as well. Again, sh*t happens in life, and sometimes folk get caught up in it. Theres always a record. Always.Do a general search of their name. Even if you do not have an exact date of birth, its not difficult to triangulate from even a large number of responses who your primary matches might be. Cross reference from there.Depending on your particular situation, there are other more specific steps one can take, but in general, this is where I start. Bear in mind - not everyone WANTS to be found, and some folks go through extraordinary lengths to remain “out of sight”.Good luck.
My deceased relative has undeliverable stock?
Your grandmother's children (and if one or more is dead, their children per stripes) can file probate instestate and once letters testimentary are issued, the executor can file a claim with the state for the unclaimed property.
How do you write to an estranged parent?
I found a simple straightforward honest approach was best. But definitely write to your parents - they can't wait to hear from you.
How do you clearly tell an estranged and hurtful family member to stop sending gifts?
How would you get the reason across so as not to be known as the party not trying to have a relationship? This is impossible because that is exactly what you want to do. Defeating the purpose here.If you are sure that this is to manipulate, I understand.Are you familiar with Karma? You must never dis your parents no matter how bad they are. That goes against the laws of the Universe and comes with very big consequences. If you are distancing that is different. I hope that is what you mean. You must honor your mother and father all the days of your life… no matter what even if they are the absolute worst. You can say things like they did the best they could. They did not have the tools to parent. They are from a different time. They are in Texas. Get me? I think you get this. I just want to be sure you do not create a bad situation for yourself.Are you sure they are not trying to resolve their bad behavior by groveling? If they are, then you must handle this differently.I am going to believe you do not see this person. If they are a manipulator, nothing you “say” will make a difference. I am going to trust you have the correct take on this. If you are sure that you want to send a firm no, this is what you do: When a package comes, you never open it and you never do anything with it. You have the post office stamp on it return to sender. You cannot open it or do anything with it…. nothing. No peeking. That is it. That is a firm no.In case they are groveling, you send a generic thank you note. All you say is Thank you and sign your first name only. Then, you re-gift whatever it is. There are tons of homeless people that would love to have it. There are college kids that would love to have it. There are church folks that would love to have it. There are people that will not get Christmas gifts this year so give it to a temple or synagogue in your neighborhood. No explanation needed. Just say please give this to someone that can use it. If you don’t want to talk to them, forward it to them…. it is easy to get their addresses. Send a brief note explaining what it is: I received this as a gift and cannot use it, please give it to someone that can use it. Thank you.Just know people are afraid of bombs these days so it is better to re-gift it person.
Should I send my estranged father a Father's Day card?
I found his address on WhitePages.com. He mostly disappeared around my early teens; VERY messy divorce with all kinds of accusations. I sided with my mother, who herself was quite unstable, then, when I left for college at 18, I pretty much stopped keeping in touch. I see him once every five years or so. Nothing deep. He doesn't know my kid's name. My mother has been dead since 2000. I figure he doesn't have much longer. He's not that deep, as I recall, but may like some closure. Your thoughts?