You are in situation where you want to solve the problem without hurting him.You think telling directly will hurt him and it will lead to something other which you don’t want to face.Listen girl firstly confirm whether you want him or not because sometimes we think that we don’t wanna continue but after breaking up we regret on our decision.So firstly make sure you don’t want him in your life anymore.Now, if you finally decided to move on then there are two cases:Talk to him directly and say that you don’t feel the same spark that you used to and wanna discontinue.If you want to make it slow then firstly limit the time which you give to him. Start keeping yourself more busy (indirectly avoiding him) and then finally tell him.Choice is your which one more suits to you.Best of luck for your future.Break up only when there is no other option left.
“I've seen him rough up a waiter for forgetting his lettuce. How do you break up with someone like that?”Over lettuce? Yeah, its time to go. I commend you for recognizing the warning signs and wanting to get way from this boy. You don’t know how many girls remain in relationships with men like this, hoping they’ll change them. They can’t change them. Someone will change when they want to and not a second sooner.I wouldn’t break up with him in private. I’d do it over a text, then I’d block his number. Afterwards, he’d get blocked from all accounts: email, social media, etc. Yes, I know its cold, but you don’t need to be face to face with this boy. He’s dangerous.You don’t him any explanations nor do you have to “let him down easy.” Just get rid of him. Confide in your parents and friends and lean on them for support. If its just you, then I’d change schools. If he shows up at your door, call the police. Now, depending where you live, they won’t arrest him unless he physically places his hands on you.I applaud you. You’re doing the right thing. Just don’t get sidetracked. xo
Tell him politely that his outbursts is causing fear to you and it's not normal for anyone to flip and throw things. It could escalate given enough time which is why you need to nip this in the bud sooner rather than later.Suggest he visits the local Doctor and go from there. If he doesn't want to or refuses to take your advice, then tell him it's not a request but your deadly seriously because it frightens you so much and tell him he's got to go or your going to stay at your mothers……. That normally gets some respect, unless of course he can't be trusted when your not around and he sees that as an opportunity. It which case you threaten to leave him unless he sees someone about his anger issues.Joking aside, this can progress into something really seriously if left to continu, so get him to seek help sooner rather than later like I said.Good luckPlaza
Yes.My current boyfriend was a former classmate notorious for being easily angered in the university. During our organizational ‘orientation’ which consisted of several semi-humiliating tasks, he did not participate and shouted at the seniors asking him to submit to them. (I agree that the seniors were being mean, but only him had the guts to stand up to them) Him and his previous girlfriend, who is also our classmate would sometimes cause a scene in our classroom when they have fights. One time, he accidentally hit my friend with a chair because he pushed it in frustration. There are just to name few of stories about him.Personally, I was afraid of him. Also, we did not talk with each other at all.But.When he talked to me recently (which had one way or another, led to our current relationship), he proved to be a different person from how I viewed him. Not denying that he has a short temper, but he’s softer than I thought. Probably because my personality is really soft, he never gets too frustrated with me so far. He does get angry but it’s very very seldom, and I now know how to handle his fire. And I also mostly know what ticks him off, so it’s really easy to keep him happy and lukewarm.I realized that there is more than meets the eye in every person. What we see is just a part of a bigger picture. And that it’s always a bad idea to fight fire with fire.Dating this moody, bad tempered guy, is one of the best decisions of my life.
I was a music teacher for 34 years… and a really good one. I still do a lot of teaching, and can say I have a national reputation in my field.The answer to your question is as resounding NO. Great music teachers - great teachers of ANY subject - do not act in anger. That is not to say they never put on a show. But any teacher who gets angry at children for acting like children is not a great teacher. In fact, I often say to the teachers who I still teach, “If you get angry at children for acting like children you are in the wrong profession. Find something else to do.” And, “There is no such thing as a problem student. There are only students with problems. Help solve their problems and they will become better students.I don’t believe anger has a place in any educational classroom.That said, it’s sometimes difficult for teachers in the performing arts not to be stressed out by upcoming performances. I myself had that problem until I worked with a drama teacher who was so nasty in the days leading up to a performance that I saw what that looked like from the other side. That changed my perspective entirely… I gave up the stress, worked hard, asked my kids to work hard, but completely gave up on the stress of perfection … It’s a SCHOOL. It’s EDUCATION. I expect everyone to do the best they can, and from there it is what it is…
Your question is actually two questions. You say your boyfriend has a bad temper which is the (number 1 problem) and he says mean things to you ( number 2 problem) and you say he doesn’t really mean them ( number 3 problem) and you think YOU can get him to stop being angry ( number 4 problem ) and stop saying mean things to you. ( Number 5 problem) .So I’m going to explain a couple of things really gently because I have worked with many people like yourself. I’m just going to give you some facts. I realize that you probably want to give him the benefit of the situation , or the reason he has a bad temper is because he had a rough childhood, or it was something you said or did that you shoudn’t have, or he suffered a closed head injury and now explodes when angry, or his job is very stressful so he is on edge most of the time. Listen , YOU can not make this stop, only he can and this can only happen if he recongnizes it and wants help with it, that means he seeks out the help , it does not mean you saying “ Hey honey you need to go get counseling becasuse your anger if over the top.” Because that would be like you are trying to change him and that just causes resentment . Secondly , what ever is coming out of his mouth , don’t let him fool you, he means, he just is upset and doesn’t have his filters on and his good boy pants pulled up. He probably says when you ask him, “ Oh I didn’t mean that , I was just angry.” That’s Bull. If he didn’t mean it he wouldn’t be saying it. Again, the only person you can control is yourself. Do yourself a huge favor and get out before more harm is done. People deserve to be in HAPPY, WELL CARED FOR, LOVING , TENDER RELATIONSHIPS. Life is not a dress rehearsal. We are only here once. Learn and move on. Good Luck to you!!!
You can do a lot of stuff, but everything more or less falls into 2 categories of actions. Some of it is more intellectual and some more habit-building.The intellectual actions are thinking things over, analysing your situation and actions. What is the most common result of your bad temper eruptions? How does it effect your life? Do you generally win and gain when you lose your temper or does your situation get worse? Do you gain friends and allies or lose the ones you still have? For most people the answer is usually pretty obvious - they lose because of their uncontrollable bad temper. It’s good to have this very clearly settled in your mind - bad temper is bad for those around you but you are the one losing out the most. Remembering it when you anticipate entering situations or meeting with people that envoke anger is pretty beneficial. Just telling yourself “I will keep my shit together during the next two hours” helps.The second habit-forming type of activities that has helped me a lot was meditation. I’m Buddhist but you don’t need to look at meditation as part of any particular religious tradition. It’s just a way of working with and perfecting your mind, no matter what views you have. There are plenty of calming meditations that do not have any religious components or symbolism (like mindfulness meditation or TM). I would do some research into them, choosse one that seems legit and popular and do it each day for 15–20 min. Do not do it too long at first, the daily regularity is much more important than the length of a particular session.I promise that you will feel a difference in your emotions and how you view the world after a week or two. And do not fall prey to charlaitans who want to sell you something expensive. There are a lot of free meditation exercises that have a calming effect on the internet. There was a lot of medical research done on meditation and it has been proven that these effects are real.If you have any questions message me. Good luck!
I'm guessing you mean calls you by some other name. It's off-putting, but consider context, and take this as an example: I was married for 17 years, but the marriage ended badly. I met and married someone else, but I still have dealings with my ex-husband, because we have kids together. These two men have held the same status in my life (beloved husband) and I have called one by the name of the other on a few occasions. I'm always *very* embarrassed when this happens, and apologize profusely. They are each gracious about the mixup. This doesn't happen because of any lingering feelings for the ex- he did a great job of wrecking any feelings I might have held for him in the divorce. It happens because my brain classifies, and both of them have stood in the same classification. Just as I sometimes refer to my new truck by the model of its predecessor, I sometimes mix up their names. Now, this is a general example of how that could happen. You have the context of your relationship with your boyfriend. Is he otherwise attentive, gracious and kind? If so, forgive him the occasional slip of the tongue. None of us comes to a relationship without the memories of previous affairs, and it's not fair to demand erasure in a significant other.
I’m going to answer this question with this:Many long years ago, I was that guy. I had a bad temper, and I took it out on inanimate objects. No, I didn’t get psychiatric help (although I recommend it for some people) and I actually should have.What I had to do was grow the hell up.First, it’s ok to be upset or angry. We are human and it’s normal.Second, we have to get that out of our system somehow.It is how we handle and release our anger. I took me a LONG time to first recognize I had an anger issue, and once I accepted it I worked on finding ways to manage and release it productively. For myself it was walks, weight lifting, and other physical activity. I also had to learn to just walk away from what made me angry. That wasn’t always so easy - my ex-wife would follow me, taunt me… made for a bad situation.Fortunately, through practice and self-control, I’ve been able to handle my anger over the years and harden my temper so it doesn’t go off easy as it did when I was younger in life.So your boyfriend, just needs to figure out how to handle this temper and anger issue, grow up, be man, and put his emotions and his mind under his own control. Yes have him see a therapist if you feel he may completely lose it and hurt you. Don’t abandon him, but understand that some of us good guys (yes, my gf called me one of the good guys) do or did once have this problem and we can learn to handle it given patience, time, and understanding.
I see many relationship questions like this on Quora every week:“My boyfriend doesn’t call or text me much anymore. What should I do?”“All my partner and I seem to do is argue with each other all the time. What should I do?”“My boyfriend(girlfriend) seems so distant recently. What should I do?”I always guess that a bad (toxic) relationship is the root cause, but lately I have developed a theory on the basic cause.Many decades ago when people dated, many of them actually made it to their honeymoon. For those that started early, they were usually is a serious relationship or engaged before they started sharing one another.A couple of decades ago when our sons were starting dating, especially in college, young people often were in bed together by the third date. I’m not saying that is bad. The problem is that God (or mother nature) designed human sex as a very powerful bonding experience that works great for holding marriages together. But when a young couple starts out having sex too early it becomes so “bonding” that they overlook many issues that really make them not a long range compatible couple. They exist in a toxic relationship based (loosely) on good (or OK) sex. When they are not in bed, the relationship is not good. Thus, we end up with Quora relationship questions looking for help.I say all this for those couples where this might apply. Do you really have anything “solid” in your relationship other that the sex part? If the honest answer is “no.” Please consider calling it off and move on. Life is too short for toxic relationships.