How can I improve my self esteem?
I've had low self esteem since childhood and I have the feeling it's even getting worse. I'm struggling every day and it's causing problems at my work as well in my private life. My friends are all dating and in relationships and it's making me miserable; even though I'm not sure I would really want a relationship I'm starting to get the feeling that I can never have that. I feel incredibly nervous and insecure around guys. I've been getting drunk a lot lately and I know that's kinda sad, but when I'm drunk I'm not struggling with all those thoughts and feelings and I can have fun and talk to guys and kiss them. But it's not making me feel any better. I tried new sports/hobbies, but I'm a perfectionist and have fear of failure and it caused me so much frustrations I had to stop. I do hang out and connect with friends more than I used to and I meditate, both makes me feel better. Does anyone have any tips for me? :/ I feel like it's getting so bad that I'm going to be self destructive if I don't improve my self esteem. Thanks so so much in advance.
What causes low self esteem?
it can be caused by what other people say to you or how they acted around you If your feeling bad about your self (e.g. getting bad marks at school,putting weigh on ect) if you havent gotten enough sleep, exercise or have been eating alot of junk food because they make you feel bad about your self Lots of different things cause it just try and look on the bright side instead of thinking what you havent got, think about what you have dont let other people get you dont normally their just jealous or bored when they say things and they want to make you feel bad or get in a fight eat healthier and exercise heaps, make sure your getting enough sleep
How do you soothe yourself in an adverse situation?
Breathe….Focus on breathing slowly and deeply, noticing the sensation of the breath in your nostrils your lungs expanding and contracting.Notice the weight of your feet in contact with the ground, your backside in contact with the seat if sitting. Shift your weight to feel that change. Bend your knees a little, to make your stance more stable.Focus on expanding the field of view that you attend to. In stress, we can “tunnel vision”, both optically and mentally, as in in a negotiation.Connect consciously with the people around you. I imagine lines of energy going out from me to others in my field of regard.These are ancient ideas, common to many martial arts, yoga and meditation regimes, to centre and focus your mind and body. Psychologists, counsellor and coaches recently have ‘discovered’ this as “mindfulness”.This way of expanding and connecting in adverse situations is opposite usual methods of self soothing that many use; withdrawing into TV, drugs( including alcohol), food, sleep etc.
How do you stay calm in the face of adversity?
By meeting all problems head on and without hesitation you will build self assurance and unflinching confidence.
How has overcoming adversity shaped the person you are today?
It actually starts in your younger years with the class bully, maybe with parents that are less than the perfect parents, there are all kinds of adversities that we face growing up. A kid who's parents made me work for what I wanted, while other's bragged at how their parents gave em this and that, especially their first car. Those given everything and pampered by their parents usually can't deal with adversity without calling their parents! The strength of one's personality and character helps overcome all that they face. A morally strong family life where one has good solid footing helps, where the kids are taught to be self reliant instead of looking to the parents! I wished many times that my parents would be like others and it was not until I left home that I understood why they did not give me what I wanted! I had great parents that forced me to handle my life taking it head on. A hard correctional hand, tight wallet, and strict rules had a big play in facing adversity! When I faced down the class bully, stood up for my rights, stood up for others and when I handled my personal life without involving my parents in the face of problems and all odd against me coming out a winner always shaped me for the better, upstanding self reliant citizen! I learned how to handle my life, times have been up and down, troubling, and costly at times but I handled it and continue to move forward. Many times I have seen, and in some cases helped friends and complete strangers who were about to fold because they could not handle their problems! When an a person has control of his life, facing everything thrown at him either alone or with his spouse they can be considered winners! My transformation was a better than good always great, that's because I eat adversity for energy!
How can people build the mental strength to push forward even in times of adversity?
Focus on taking many small baby steps towards your goal … each day more steps. Each day is a new challenge, live day-by-day don’t worry about what you have to do tomorrow just make forward progress (even if small) today. It is OK to take some breaks, but make the effort daily to take the small baby steps.