My wife's unconventional mothering methods, are they so bad?
I am a man in my mid 40's. My first wife and I divorced 5 years ago after her infidelity. I have been lucky enough to meet and marry a wonderful young woman who is now 33. We have recently become parents to a beautiful baby boy and I have never been happier. I do however find her methods of mothering a little odd not so much that I think they are bad or harmful but they are quite different to those my first wife followed while bring up our two daughters. My current wife has shunned a lot of the standard advice on infant care and has said that she prefers to rely on instinct. To that end she is breast feeding happily and had our son sleeping with us from the first. She says it just doesn't feel right to her to leave the baby alone in it's crib, in fact she seems to keep the child in direct contact with her at all times and the only time she does not is when it is with someone else. He is a very happy little boy and to be honest I feel much more bonded to my new baby than I did to my previous children which makes me feel guilty. I did have a happy marriage with my first wife at first but I did feel excluded and pushed out once the kids came along. I tried to get involved but would be accused of interrupting the baby's routine or something as she was very much one for doing everything she was supposed to which in it's self is not a flaw. With my son and 2nd wife, she is happy for me to interact with the baby and to what comes naturally. As a result I feel that rather than being pushed out I am becoming closer to my wife as a result of having a child. Certianly sleeping with our baby is wonderful and that is something I never thought I would say! I am very happy and yet I feel sad that I missed out on this kind of bonding with my daughters and also my new wifes mothering skills have drawen some criticism from my ex-wife as well as others including the health visitor some even go as far to suggest that she is harming the child, when all evidence suggests the opposite, not only is the baby thriving but we as a family are thriving also. I just don't see how going against instinct can be such a bad thing when by doing so seems to yeild such wonderful results. I guess my doubts or the fact that I am more concerned with what others think may just be to do with being a generation older but her methods seem out of step with most mothers I am aware of and have her rather isolated. What do you think?
What is the best way to deal with a bad parent?
ConfrontationNever allow anyone, anyone to dominate your life and strip you of your dignity.Your parents are no less subject to the law than anyone else, so if they threaten you, they are more than likely bluffing, and if you know they are not, then your next option is:Call friends or family to confide in them. Not everyone is going to be able to help you directly, but in terms of your ability to cope, without having serious disorder or physical harm caused by a bad parent, this is as vital as confrontation can be. IF you are able to get help for your situation, either by having friends let you stay over, or if you can get family members to adopt you, this method could be the best for saving you from a bad parent, which brings me to the next one. Emancipation This is the last resort for any child who feels they are deplorably treated by their parent/s. Emancipation means that you are legally freed from your parents authority. With emancipation comes great responsibility. If you emancipate yourself, you must thereafter be your own parent and make sure for your own safety and happiness. Avoidance If you are unable to do any of the above, avoidance, while not the best method of dealing with an abusive or bad parent, avoidance is, nonetheless, a powerful method. However, if you are trying to resolve the problem the above three are the most effective.
Spanking...need advice?
First off, congratulations! My sister just had a baby and she and her husband had the same discussion. I don't think you're overreacting. I don't think any parent looks forward to disciplining their child (I hope not anyway). When it comes to spanking, if you don't want to do it, then I say don't do it. There are plenty of other ways to discipline a child and I'm sure your husband will understand. My sister is opposed to it because she doesn't agree with the "do what I say, not what I do" rule. As she puts it, if one of your twins were to hit the other, why would you punish them by hitting? She doesn't see what lesson it teaches. But that's just one opinion. Hopefully I helped! I don't know if I really answered your question. XD