How to deal with a cancerian mother in law?
It's better than having a cold, hard, b***chy mother in law! My boyfriend's mother is a cancer as well, and she is definitely loving, but frighteningly protective over her little boy! (Who is really not so little any more...) I wouldn't tell her not to show love, it's just who she is, but maybe just try to distance yourself a little bit so she can't suffocate you so much. I'm a Leo, and I understand your fiery need to breathe, but I would much rather prefer a loving mother in law than and maniacal one. All I can suggest is distance yourself.
How did you mentally distance yourself from your in-laws?
I always hoped one day (whoever I ended up with) that I would get along great with my in laws. I hoped that they would see the good person I am, how respectful I am to them, and how much I love their son. Unfortunately, I don't have that. I've been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and i'm already prepping myself that I may not have what I had hoped for. They're not that bad but they're not great either. I find them to be insecure people... and it annoys the cr8p out of me. HIs mother works at a hospital and talks as if she's so much smarter than me, even though my position is "higher" and I don't even see it that way normally. My mom is also a professional at the hospital and has been there for almost 30 years but I don't talk about it often or rub it in her face. She'll use other medical terms to use to "compete" with me and find a way to make me look stupid. I have accomplished parents and have lived a humbly, blessed life but we NEVER talk about money or about other people and their salaries. My bf's parents do and it makes them look so desperate and not humble. His dad had the nerve to ask why my mom works so many hours and asked if it was because she needed more money. They judge and are critical of me because I'm not exactly where I am yet in my career. I don't judge them or have judged them at all. I have not ever made them feel inferior but they do take pieces of information they know about my family and I and try to rub it in my face with their own insecurities. Once my boyfriend (was being such a kid) and told them about how my parents invested in this new TV they bought. His dad's eyes grew large and started asking me about it, which made me feel uncomfortable. The next day, his parents apparently were out looking at new TVs...even though they just bought a new one in recent years. Anyhoo, it's best to just stay away, right? How do I mentally distance myself and not let this annoy me?
How close a distance should I keep with my in-law parents if I don't like them and they don't like me but we behave politely for my husband's sake?
You just said it yourself - you behave yourselves in order not to hurt your husband. You meet when you have to, you get along because you both love him - but there is nothing in the emotional “regulations” that says you have to like your in-laws or that they have to like you.When you have children, you will have to renegotiate your relationship with them, because if you are holding them at a distance, this will eventually become apparent to your children.Just when you least expect it, you will have a piercing little voice pipe up right in the middle of a silent moment in the conversation, possibly in front of your in-laws -“Mummy, why don’t you like granny and granddad?” … yes, horrible thought, isn’t it!I would suggest that you work on some plan to get to know them better and work out - in your own mind at least - a way of dealing with the situation. If you husband knows the feelings you have for each other, then it might be an idea to talk it over with him. He must realise that you are not compatible with his mum and dad, he’d be a pretty insular person if he didn’t.
What does it mean when your OWN mother tries to destroy you?
Been there done that. At the age of 42 she announced to me and my wife that she never loved me and had abortion been legal I wouldn't be here. I figured out at the age of nine that I was NOT a good idea. I did my chores, kept my room clean and generally avoided her. When I reached 18 I joined the Navy and didn't look back. Good luck.
How do I make my husband see my mother-in-law's true personality?
This sounds real crazy. I wouldnt offer any advice but I d tell you what i would do to protect my dignity.Start working. However small or big the salary is join something. This will give you a direction to be independant & to divert your mind away. Remember, this might create more problems for you from your MIL but this would help stand on your legs when there is no hopeIgnore your MIL. I repeat. Dont let her get you. Your feelings thoughts and emotions are internal to you. Dont let external factors affect you. Start meditatingIf your husband is a nice guy. Start loving him without any expectations. He will slowly love you back and without asking he would start shielding you. ( unfortuantely this would take time and high level of patience from you)Tell your friends about the situation and be ready for emergency help. With a single message or call.Dont be alone. Learn some hobby and entertain yourself. This is one way you can make her jealous. Negative people wont like if someone is content and happy before themLive for yourself. Find the ultimate happiness in spreading joy in whatever way you likeDont worry about others. If they are listening to a third person and forming opinions about you they are not worth knowing you. Just keep going the way you naturally are and slowly they’ll come around.I have a feeling that your husband is already aware of his Mother’s attitude. Thats the only reason he is giving deaf ear. Otherwise he would equally get curious to know whats going wrong.A friend of mine has come out of an unhealthy relationship and she constantly inspires me with her fervour(by making a choice at age of 24 to file a divorce) courage and compassion(does volunteering at orphanages and animal welfare). She tells me Hardships are given to people who have the courage to withstand them and emerge as winners. She is grateful for this life and its virtuesShe was and is a winner to me. Never let anyone tell you what you are and what you arent capable of. Believe u are a self sustaining power. Trust your instincts. If your husband doesnt cater for your safety happiness and trust i dont see a future there.Lots of prayers and courage to you. Please let me know if you want someone to talk to & unload burden.