What should you do about someone giving you the silent treatment?
When someone is giving us the silent treatment it can be frustrating beyond belief. I think that is why it is used - because it is an effective crazy-making technique. It is a messageless message with no possibility of decoding and yet our natural impulse to decode communication/behavior kicks in. I really love the breakdown in Aashirwad Jaiswal’s answer that gives an explanation of what is chemically happening in the body and why the silent treatment can be so painful. A technique you could try is this:-First slow down and notice what is happening in your body.-Feel whatever feelings are present without putting a story onto those feelings.-Remove yourself from the person’s environment. Maybe go to a cafe if you can, treat yourself to a drink that you love.-Keep the attention and focus on yourself and your feeling/body sensations.-Ask yourself, is this a new feeling? If not, can you remember the first time you felt it? This helps us understand why the silent treatment can be so upsetting.-Bring your attention to nature. Notice trees, birds, wind. Really get into it. This will help calm any negative feelings once you have gone through the above exercise.Being silent while upset is not inherently unhealthy. What is a concern is the relational violence imposed when the silent treatment is used to create pain. Sometimes the silent treatment is the best a person can do. That person might reflect, gain insight and self understanding, feel remorse, and come into communication. Then, having learned and grown, the silent treatment will not be used. Other communication skills can be used. For example, that person in the future might learn to say, “Honey I am really upset. I don’t really understand my feelings right now. I don’t know what to say so I need to just be quiet and alone with myself. Later on, I will be able to talk with you and come to an understanding because I love you and you are important to me.” Or something else but similar. In the event that this person is a Narcissist, the silent treatment will never evolve. For a Narcissist, the silent treatment is deployed as a punishing tool. This would be a really good time to get curious about the possibility that this person could have a pathological personality disorder. You get to decide how much you are willing to tolerate in a relationship. With a Narcissist, there is no reciprocity, no relational growth, and likely a lot of repetitive pain.Good luck.
Giving someone the silent treatment?
I've been reading some of the other questions on here about giving someone the silent treatment and most of the answers said that it was an immature way to deal with problems in interpersonal relationships. But I tend to disagree. In some instances I think that giving someone the silent treatment is the right way to go. Sometimes people need a break from each other and it is hard to resolve an issue with some people. I had to give a guy at my last job the silent treatment because he had some flirtatious, attention seeking ways about him and he didn't know anything about interpersonal boundaries. So instead of talking to him, I just ignored him for the rest of my employment. I've also given other people the silent treatment if they have been overly critical and don't know how to stop or if I have tried to have a talk with them and they have been overly defensive, meaning the open communication method didn't work. Does anyone use silent treatment as a way to keep from exploding?
How long to give someone the silent treatment?
I know this is somewhat cryptic, but if you are truly giving him the silent treatment then don't give in early. You will know when to stop. Most of the time this happens when apologies are about to be made, I mean, sincere apologies after one has actually fully assessed what they have done. That is what the silence is for, so they can think.
What is the purpose of giving someone the "silent treatment"?
It can be one of three things. It might mean even more things to other people, but not to me.Sometimes, it is a message that your behavior was wrong, and you are being punished for the purposes of training. If used judiciously, you can train (manipulate) somebody to act in certain ways for you, or to stop acting in certain ways.Sometimes, it is your “notice” that somebody is finished with you. They are so disgusted by your behavior that they don’t want to fix it. They cannot believe that you’ve done whatever you did, and that’s it. It’s a pretty selfish move, but it is understandable.Sometimes, it is self-indulgent behavior where the person is temporarily angry or hurt, and they think you are mean. It isn’t punishment so much as it is a way of saying “I am supremely unhappy with you, so unhappy that I don’t want to talk with you right now. Stay away until further notice.”Uncertainty is ultimately the problem with this mode of “communication”. The recipient has, at best, a 1 in 3 chance of getting your meaning correct. That means that most of the time, they’re going to be wrong either about your motive or about how long this will last, and they will respond in a way that you don’t intend. The whole thing goes south until the weaker party gives in.What would be far more effective is a few words of notice, and THEN the silent treatment.“I don’t like that you did that. I’m so angry that I need you to leave me alone for a while. I’ll let you know when I’m done, and THEN we’ll talk about it!”or“I am so done with you. Don’t ever talk to me again.”
Am I wrong for giving someone the silent treatment?
The silent treatment can do more harm than good as far as clarification on your behalf is concerned. Depending on the circumstances you never know what the circumstances were that caused the course of action between you and the other person. Here's an example. I caught an old ex-girlfriend of mine cheating; I mean caught in the act. She was making plans with some guy for the weekend. While parked right in front of her house. I was ice water calm as this dude split real quick. Acting as if nothing had happened while she kept trying to explain who, what, why and when; I could have cared less. I didn't give her the silent treatment but I did the next best thing; reassessed my priorities mentally and not from the heart. The silent treatment tends to tear away at you after a while and the burden of guilt and or proof is left resting in your lap. Hear ‘em out but you determine what you will pay attention to and let the rest roll off your back. Oh yeah, when you do decide to deal with this person make sure you look real nice and pretty(not too much over the top and nothing new; a new perfume does much emotional damage). Now pay attention to act one scene one and take it from there; watch the eyes for they speak when silence is present. Thanks so much.
If someone is giving you the silent treatment what's the best way to fight back?
I think the best way is to be blunt, both ppl giving each other the silent treatment is childish and tends to make matters worse. Grabbing them and telling them you need talk about what's going on is a way to cut through the bullsh*t I think.
Should I continue to give her the silent treatment?
No you shouldn't have even started it. It's one of the ‘'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’ of a relationship. It's churlish, cheap and ignorant. It shows that you don't have any other way of communicating. Check out Imago Relationship Therapy for the best way to connect, communicate, to talk so that your partner will listen and to listen so the other will talk.When you don't talk to her, are you expecting her to intuitively know what you are thinking and that you want her to say? She's not a mind reader. You need to tell her, instead of using this ineffective and toxic way to get her to understand what you want