How To Subtly Mention To Someone They Might Benefit From Talking To Somebody

How do you ask someone to be friends with benefits?

I’ve had fwb with few women of different backgrounds. Not once I asked hey, I want to be friends with benefits. According to me the discussion immediately after the first sex shapes up the relationship. I generally make it very clear that I’m not looking for a girlfriend without making the girl feel slutty. This generally sets the tone. Women who are emotionally into you will stop seeing post this (most of them).Also the skill lies in selecting the correct women. They shouldn’t be too close to you or complete strangers.I’ve had few such fwb and these are how they went. Not including the details of the make out like some other answers as this is not erotica.The Chinese girl who was my senior during undergraduation. I didnt have to do anything. Even before the first time making out, she explicitly told me this is a fling and she is not serious. We were at it for 18 months.Polish girl who was in a long distance relationship already. We shared a same place for rental and it was natural. I screwed up in the morning discussion after sex as I was still new in the game. I said I love you by mistake. She said she was not ready yet. Later I slowly ignored her and had to vacate the place.American woman from work. We were in the same team and had to travel to various cities. Once went to a hot spring together and made out later that night. My head was so clear that I told her next morning that the sex was great and I’d like to continue without getting emotionally involved. She was taken aback by bluntness but agreed later. Next one year was awesome till I moved out.Indian girl from fitness classes. She was my instructor and I was impressed by her flexibility. This was the only time I had a pre make out talk. I proposed for a physical relationship. She rejected at that instant but was professional. Few months later we both had some solitude and made out. However the girl was confused about the being fwb. She wanted the cuddles, sweet talks one day and next time it was purely physical. After few months I stopped out as the girl was turning serious.

How do I tactfully tell someone that they smell bad?

I stank a lot during early high school, it resulted in me ostracised from everyone. I had horrible habits, my parents didn’t teach me about hygiene and I wasn’t financially independent.Eventually I started showering daily and it lessened.However I moved to a different school and my last few years weren’t too bad. My self esteem developed and I had a decent variety of friends.However I apparently still did have issues on some days, where I forgot to shower or wear old clothes. And some of the days my close friends would make subtle and snide remarks.And honestly, that hurt really bad - like a slice of a knife. I was clenching my teeth and trying not to shake during class. I guess my self esteem wasn’t as strong as I thought it was. I also was HIGHLY conscious of my smell.They were trying to do good I guess, to let me know in a discreet fashion but they couldn’t have been more clueless. Discreet doesn’t mean to make remarks about it in a classroom full of my classmates! Not to mention my crush!After graduation, a friend finally directly told me in private - sincerely, carefully and delicately. The tone was of caring and concern. I appreciated it gladly.Even better he recommended advice and good hygienic habits. I asked him if it was fine if we could meet up together so he could do a ‘smell check’ - basically just hanging out and confirming I didn’t smell. He agreed and seemed relieved that I was taking it seriously.I was also laid a bomb shell upon me. He told me all this time, everyone noticed my smell and it wasn’t just him. I was shocked and confused. I asked him why didn’t anyone tell me directly and he replied that ‘because you wore the same clothes we just thought you were poor and accepted it’.He reassured me that he and everyone else still cared for me as a friend and that I was loved by everyone.So that was perfect and I’m glad to say I had passed his smell test haha! Even to this day I feel deeply indebted to him and we’ve both stayed in touch and grown closer since graduation.So the moral of the story -Tell the person directly and privatelyMake sure the tone isn’t of criticism but of concernOffer advice and an outline of your own techniquesReassure them that they’re still lovedOffer a confirmation ‘smell test’ of sorts

Is it racist for someone to ask "where are you from originally"? What motivation would someone have for asking such a question? To stereotype you?

When someone asks me where I’m from, I say, “I’m from Seattle, Washington.”They say, “Okay, cool, but where are you really from?”So I say, “All right, you caught me. I’m actually from Redmond - it’s a little town in the greater Seattle area.”They give me an exasperated look, like they think I’m deliberately being obtuse. “You know what I mean. Where are you from originally?”At this point, I usually cave and reveal that my parents were born in Beijing.And then the person I’m talking to will finally look relieved and nod to themselves, as though everything makes sense now. Sometimes they’ll say something like, “Ah, I was right!” or “Dang, your eyes kind of look Korean. Chinese would have been my second guess, though.”I’ve had these interactions all across the United States, where I’ve lived my entire life.People asked me this question in Seattle, the only city I’ve really called home.People asked me this question in New Orleans, where I worked for a local government agency.People asked me this question in Washington D.C., where I was invited to shake hands with President Obama.The question “Where are you from originally?” makes it clear that no matter what I do, I’m still not regarded as a real American. The closest I can get is with a hyphen, as an “Asian-American” or a “Chinese-American.”If you’re white and you don’t have an accent, you can move to America and never hear this question once. But if you look like me, it’s a question that will follow you around for a lifetime.To be perfectly honest, I don’t know if it counts as a racist question. There are so many more harmful forms of racism out there that it seems like an exaggeration to stick this into the same category.But when a question like “Where are you from originally?” is asked solely based on someone’s race, it sure isn’t a very useful one.There are so many more interesting options, like “What’s your favorite superpower?” or, “If you were a sound, what would you be?” or, “Would you rather have every song you ever hear slowly turn into ‘All Star’ by Smashmouth, or have every movie you ever watch slowly turn into Shrek?”Next time someone tells you she’s from Seattle, try following up with one of those instead.