I'm feeling depressed because I've been lonely all my 30 years of life. Is this normal?
Feeling lonely ‘all your life’ is possibly the conscious manifestation of an ‘internalised mental object’ deriving from childhood, in the context of your family. Mental internalisation is a continuous process when we are young, and produces enduring unconscious representations in our mind, not just of people or parents, but of relationships, moods, things we do not even understand at the time. It is a large part of the process that would be described as the ‘development’ of our internal world.Purely as an example, it can happen that our parents appear happily married to outsiders, but one or both of them may privately (and secretly often) feel alienated, and unable to express themselves. This unspoken tragedy, and its consequent need, can be conveyed quite forcibly to an empathetic child in ways that cannot be ‘thought about’ but are nonetheless ‘known’. It may have an internal representation that is impossible to describe in words, but is more persistent because of that - it cannot be spoken or shared. Such internal objects can create a pervasive sense of loneliness.I do not know of any deliberate ways we can change this - I am sure there are many, but I do not know of them - other than a ‘talking cure’ (which is just an expression, it is not a cure) such as Psychodynamically informed psychotherapy.
I am feeling lonely and depressed. I am living alone, go to work alone, and rent a house alone. What should I do about this situation?
For about six months I was feeling the same way as you. My depression and sense of loneliness was a reaction to my situation at the time. Reactive depression means that you know the reasons that are making you feel depressed but have very little control over them at that particular time.If I am feeling depressed (not sleeping properly or too much, no energy, empty) then I break my feelings down into more manageable pieces, try to sort them into ; things I have some control over and those that I just don't have control over right now. So this is what I did;Living alone; as loneliness is isolation then I decided that I would advertise for a housemate . Don't just choose someone out of desperation because you are sharing your home with this person. I knew who would be a good fit for me and the new housemate and I get along well with mutual respect being very important.I wasn't going out enough so I went to the cinema by myself to see a film that I really wanted to see. I am now feeling better because I am working on myself. Baby steps.Next I looked up groups with similar interests to me in the local paper and I am working on joining one. I am not forcing anyone to be to befriend me out of sympathy but dealing with the feeling of being depressed and slowly but surely building my confidence back up.I began to eat better and getting more exercise. I have a dog who has been my saviour. Even a ten minute walk makes you feel better. This even helps your sleep. I have found that having a pet that depends on you, gives meaning to your life. A dog will shower you with love and adoration in return for attention and nourishment from you, it's primarily caregiver.On the days that I am off work, I only allow myself an extra hour of sleep and get up. It's important to find a routine when you are feeling depressed as this gives structure to our lives and we need it.For the things that I no control over like my daughter moving interstate then I write down what I feel, cry and go through the healing process of acceptance. It's what she has to do and I have to accept that.I hope this helps you in some way.
Is it normal to be scared about living alone?
I'm graduation college this spring, and plan to move out of my parents house within the year. I don't have a bf or friends to room with so i'm basically going to be on my own. The thought is so freaky, Just between taking care of myself and feeling lonely.
Divorced at 36, scared of being lonely?
Go to mathc.com, e-harmony and go on a date after you have gone though the divorce and you are emotionally healed and available. I got separated at 30, divorced by 31 and I married the man of my dreams at 34. We will celebrate our second anniversary this August. We started a family right away too, baby at 35. It's possible, very possible. I did not find my husband on dating sites though, I found him at work, I bumped into him on a hallway. When I met him, I was neither lonely nor desperate, I actually enjoyed being alone! My confidence and independent spirit really appeal to him. I was also scared of being lonely at the beginning, but being alone was the best thing that ever happen to me! I was able t reconnect with my old self, re-kind my hobbies and interests, get in shape, make new friends.. it was awesome! I realized how much time I wasted in nearly 8 years of miserable marriage. the ex left me for his mistress and marry her after the ink on the divorce was dry. They had divorced since after all of 18 months of marriage. I'm happier than ever, my husband also took my son as his own (he was 7, 12 now!). One word of advice, do not lower your expectation, raise them! do not get attached too quickly and do not think that you are in-love with the first Joe that calls you pretty. take it slow and savor the single life! Good luck
I am feeling lonely, anxious , worried , could it be that im depressed?
I say that at this stage, you are not clinically depressed and medications are not the answer. Meds should only be used when the brain has been chemically and structurally altered by depression so that a person cannot escape without them. Right now it just sounds like you are experiencing stress and over-thinking things, plagued by what is called 'irrational thought' (actual term, not trying to down play anything). Anyhow,if you chose to take medications, that is a quick fix for a small problem and then you don't learn anything about personal coping skills. Here are my recommendations: First, get a quality book on how to handle anxiety. From what you say here, it sounds like whenever you have free time you tend to 'what if?' and get really anxious and isolated. That's a mind trap that can leave you feeling the way you are. Here is a link to a great book you can get on Amazon. It's a work book, so it is an interactive source that teaches you management skills. I had to use it in college :). http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia-Workbook-Fourth/dp/1572244135/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1287603764&sr=8-1 Second-- Another, complementary fix to this is volunteering. We, as people, tend to think about all the things that may go wrong with our lives when we're left idle and/or not helping people outside our situations. Volunteering removes that thought on yourself and helps clear up anxiety. Find something that you would enjoy doing for volunteer work (don't put yourself in a situation you won't enjoy, or it's pointless) and you'll be amazed how it transforms your thinking. Try it. Even if you've tried it before. Try it again, because now is the time YOU need it most
What can i do?, im lonely, frightened, scared and feel empty inside?
im a 30 year old borderline personality disorder sufferer, i live in a one bedroom flat/ apartment. ive never made any friends in life, never had a partner or a girlfriend, ive been through alot of abuse/trauma in my life......im waiting for therapy which i think is starting soon....but i live with loneliness and emptiness everyday...worried ill never find a partner that i want, that ill never accomplish my hopes and dreams...one of them to relocate from england to canada or the u.s to build a new life...plus im scared i wont no how to cope with life, and the real world....im a very needy, clingy person, have no self esteem or self belief...and i crave intimacy at an early stage....which puts girls off me....i deal with rage and anger feelings alot that ive had for years.....i sit here alone and lonely everynight...insecurities, anxieties, worries, feelings of emptiness and abandonment floating around my mind... is there a way forward for me? im physically prematurly aging at 30
I'm scared I'm going to die a lonely old virgin ugly cat woman! This fear wont go away!?
Right here's the thing, I've never kissed a guy or had a boyfriend. Like I dont know whats wrong with me. I am in top set for everything I do really well in all my school subjects. I am a real book worm. I dont smoke, do drugs or drink. I am confident and dont buckle under peer pressure and I like to smile at people, I rarely ***** about people, I'm catholic. I'm very sporty and fit. I'm 5 foot 6 and slim, though with curves. I have a good dress sense - all though I don't wear designer, I'm not from a rich family. I am just quite the typical 'good girl'. I stand up for my friends and hate it when people are discriminative and prejudice. I have long brown curly hair, pale skin and blue eyes. * without sounding big headed because I really don't want you to think that* I have quite a few male admirers but they do nothing about it - so I dont know what I am doing wrong, this one guy told me, i was 'untouchable' he made it sound like i was on a pedestal and nobody could reach me. Another guy said that 'no guy is good enough for me' but I don't get it and many guys have admitted to liking me but then nothing happens - I am just a normal teen girl who likes to have fun and has insecurites and just wants a boyfriend I can talk to - as I keep things rather bottled up, I hate 'washing my dirty clothes in public', so now I think everyone thinks I have this like 'perfect life' when I really don't and I have this HUGE HUGE fear that just wont go away that I am going to end up a lonely old virgin cat lady who lives in a small stuffy flat. What can i do - to make that constant nagging fear go away! Thank you!
Why am I scared to live alone? How do I overcome my fright?
I read your question and I will answer a little differently, based on my experience at your age, which, for some reason, I think is really close to where you "are" emotionally. Thirty was tough for me because a 30 year old is an adult and is expected to behave and contribute as an adult would doAnd I was not ready. My childhood was hard and dark and I fled it having learned some valuable things, but without being able to recognize that because I was so traumatized, so damaged. So pissed off that my childhood was stolen that I intended to take one back and I had pretty much done that. But 30 was the end of that and now I had to be what I was never prepared to be. Clearly, my reaction was extreme and counterproductive to the achievement of my own necessary milestones and kept me still further behind my fellows in terms of EQ. Once I saw myself as grown up and stopped giving myself permission to act an offensive, self centered fool, I began to see that I was doing almost everything wrong. I didn't have a paychic premonition that you're the hot mess I was. I read something in your words that made me wonder if you maybe are afraid that you're 30 and you live alone and you don't want to marry, but maybe are some worried that you're not doing all you should and are on your way to cat-collecting, eccentric spinsterhood. I had many more lessons to learn about being a decent human being. More mistakes and heartache and hearts to break. I was not alone and we all know some people who attempt to be Peter Pan forever and all of the ridiculousness rhat ensues from that , and of course you aren't, either. If you're happy and you have friends and a life and know how a silent and loving friend's support is so much more valuable than the cheers of a roomful of acquaintances who mean little to each other, then you're an adult making a choice and that is just fine. I had to get old to finally know who I am,but regret and tears and energy expended grieving the passage of time will only let me live that much less fully NOW, and, at 48, I have a wedding to plan and a life to cram into whatever time I have left to live and love the love whose path finally intersects mine. I suppose I could have saved some time by simply saying that in the first place, but being a blowhard isn't a job, it's a calling, eh?Best luck to you. I think you're okay and you will do all the other stuff when you want to. Meantime, I agree with whomever suggested a dog
I am 28 years old. I feel very alone and lonely most of the time. What should I do to overcome this? I don’t have friends or close relatives and am home 24/7.
One major symptom of depression is that your world keeps getting smaller and smaller. At first you may not want to go out after work, then you don’t work. You stay close in your neighborhood and are not adventurous. Then you don’t leave your house after that you don’t leave your bedroom. Your world just keeps getting smaller. I don’t know if this is you without speaking to you, but from what little you wrote, “there is no point in it” makes me believe you are suffering from depression. You need to see a therapist and if they feel you are depressed you should see a psychiatrist for medications. If you are depressed and get that under control, the rest of your world should start falling in line. Once you are feeling better find a hobby or something you can do with people. Think of what you may be interested in. You could engage in birdwatching with a group, fly kites, cooking classes, take a college course or a million other things. You likely can’t imagine yourself doing anything like that at this moment but once you start feeling better, you will likely start using your imagination to think of something you like. to If you start interacting with people you meet while engaging in a hobby or a job, you will have a chance to make friends.
I'm 30, depressed, unemployed, have no fun in life and basically can't stop thinking life will be over soon. Since 30 is really a grown up age - what is your best advice about what to do with my life?
I am sorry if this sounds simple. But sitting here at nearly 60, still coping with the depression I had before I was a teen I suggest this:The most important thing you can do is work to expand your social network. Find the friends who can tolerate someone that has ‘down’ days or weeks or months. There are people that are okay if you aren’t cheerful. But, you do have something to offer!I don’t know much about you. But I do know that one of the biggest problems a depressed person can have is loneliness. It means that what few interests you have are more likely to be shared with some who you know and trust.I speak from some experience. I wish I had been able to keep up my social network over the past few decades. Even though I have friends I have had for 50+ years with many I have known for 30+ years, many have moved on in life and I am only in touch via social media. Other health issues other than the depression and anxiety that I suffer were a handicap. I couldn’t keep getting out to be with my friends and I couldn’t keep making new friends.HOWEVER! I am trying new things. I joined a writer’s group. I made 5 good friends through it. They are also invaluable when it comes to proofreading my writing.It can be done! Even at nearly 60.When I was 30, I think I wish someone would have pushed me a bit more to maintaining my social networks.If you have those social networks, then being able to build trade and employment networks will become second nature to you. You will be able to stretch what skills you have and make use of them. You will know how to walk up to a potential employer and say, “Hello. Are you hiring?” Potentially followed up with, “Do you know of anyone that might be hiring?”Good luck! Coping with long term depression isn’t easy, but it is possible. It is easier with the help of your friends!