What made you realize that it was finally time to get a divorce?
I dated my previous husband for 7 years before we got married, and somewhere deep down inside I knew I took the wrong decision to marry him.1. One evening I got home from work and he started complaining (again) of how I worked late and did not have time to cook for him during the week. I should mention he used to get home 4 hours earlier than me and did absolutely nothing every day, even his work was a joke. The fight got really ugly and because of the stress I started feeling bad, but he wouldn’t stop yelling at me. The fight got so bad that at some point I started having problems breathing, felt something weird in my chest and I asked him to call the ambulance because I had a history with asthma.His answer was ‘No, if I call the ambulance they might think it is some-kind of domestic violence and I might be in trouble’. I called the ambulance by myself when he was in the bathroom, went to the hospital together with him of course and he seemed so worried in front of the doctors. I remember the doctors telling me I had a mild panic attack, asked me reasons why and when I let them know they just said that all marriages had their own fights and that he seemed a nice man and I should go back home with him. Which I did.On the way back I expected him to call us a taxi because it was winter, I only had a sweater on and I was not feeling well either. Well, what he did was ask me if I had money to pay the cab, which I did not because I did not have my wallet with me, took my phone away so as not to able to call anybody and told me I have to walk home as punishment for calling the ambulance, and reflect on the fact that another person who needed that ambulance might have died.2. The second one pretty easy - when I was too afraid of what I might do to myself and of what he might do to me, that I could not stand up from a bench in the park and head home. Stayed there for hours and only returned to take my clothes when he was working and never went back.It took me more than 2 years to recover and have a healthy relationship, and still have times I am afraid to say what’s on my mind so as not to offend my partner or my friends for that matter. Getting out of an abusive relationship is hard, but healing from one is even harder and that road is made of days we are able to get up, go to work and pretend to function normally, until we finally do. But I do am proud of myself, if I have a bad day, I always remind myself it is way better than one of the good days back then.
My mother passed away recently, and now my aunt is asking me for money that my mom owed her. Should I pay her back?
My mother passed away recently, and now my aunt is asking me for money that my mom owed her. Should I pay her back?Back when I was in college, my aunt lent my mom $14,000. Since my aunt is a housewife, she opened a joint credit card under my mom/her name in order to procure the funds. My aunt did not want her husband to know. She took money out of the account and gave it to my mother. Now she is saying I owe it.In the United States, your mother’s estate will be settled by the probate court. Her assets should only be distributed after her debts are paid. If your aunt doesn’t have a written agreement or other way to substantiate the debt the court may not pay her but it would be the court’s decision; not yours.If your mother had no assets I’m not sure if a free legal clinic could help you file papers to put her estate through probate so that the court will decide this issue for you.If your mom used the funds to help with your schooling you may have a moral obligation to your aunt but that is something you have to decide about the type of person you want to be and what you can live with comfortably.My condolences on your mother���s passing. Hugs.This is a good lesson on getting agreements in writing, even within the family.Even if your mom borrowed the funds to pay for your school, you do not have a legal obligation to repay them unless you also signed. If your mom has a legal obligation and no assets she can be declared bankrupt posthumously and you will not be legally responsible for her unpaid debt.This is not legal advice. Consult an attorney for legal advice. This is how I believe it would work and it could vary substantially in another country.
What made you realize that it was finally time to get a divorce?
I dated my previous husband for 7 years before we got married, and somewhere deep down inside I knew I took the wrong decision to marry him.1. One evening I got home from work and he started complaining (again) of how I worked late and did not have time to cook for him during the week. I should mention he used to get home 4 hours earlier than me and did absolutely nothing every day, even his work was a joke. The fight got really ugly and because of the stress I started feeling bad, but he wouldn’t stop yelling at me. The fight got so bad that at some point I started having problems breathing, felt something weird in my chest and I asked him to call the ambulance because I had a history with asthma.His answer was ‘No, if I call the ambulance they might think it is some-kind of domestic violence and I might be in trouble’. I called the ambulance by myself when he was in the bathroom, went to the hospital together with him of course and he seemed so worried in front of the doctors. I remember the doctors telling me I had a mild panic attack, asked me reasons why and when I let them know they just said that all marriages had their own fights and that he seemed a nice man and I should go back home with him. Which I did.On the way back I expected him to call us a taxi because it was winter, I only had a sweater on and I was not feeling well either. Well, what he did was ask me if I had money to pay the cab, which I did not because I did not have my wallet with me, took my phone away so as not to able to call anybody and told me I have to walk home as punishment for calling the ambulance, and reflect on the fact that another person who needed that ambulance might have died.2. The second one pretty easy - when I was too afraid of what I might do to myself and of what he might do to me, that I could not stand up from a bench in the park and head home. Stayed there for hours and only returned to take my clothes when he was working and never went back.It took me more than 2 years to recover and have a healthy relationship, and still have times I am afraid to say what’s on my mind so as not to offend my partner or my friends for that matter. Getting out of an abusive relationship is hard, but healing from one is even harder and that road is made of days we are able to get up, go to work and pretend to function normally, until we finally do. But I do am proud of myself, if I have a bad day, I always remind myself it is way better than one of the good days back then.