How do I forgive my mother for hurting me repeatedly, when she doesn't think it was wrong? I broke off contact, but I crave a relationship with her.
This question is very timely for me right now.Two days ago, I spoke with my mother on the phone after almost three years of no contact.She was physically abusive during my childhood and mentally and emotionally abusive throughout my adult years.There’s an example in Kittie Eubank's answer to What's the worst thing your parent has ever said to you?In 2013 I decided enough was enough, and I cut her off.There is no room in this life I have created for someone who only sows negativity and hurt.She tried to contact me a few times over the years and I blocked her. That didn’t stop her from showing up in my dreams, though.I knew that being estranged from me was very painful for her. She doesn’t understand it at all; she thought we were close.Even though before I cut off contact I tried several times to talk to her about specific instances of abuse, she never could see that she did anything wrong.It was always my fault - I was being selfish. I took it wrong. She did it for my own good.So why did I call her two days ago?She texted me, about a week before that. She said she was sorry for everything she ever did to hurt me.There was no guilt-tripping or finger-pointing. Just an apology and a request to reestablish a relationship.After much thought and seeking counsel from people I trust, I decided to reach out and give her another chance.I have firm boundaries in place, and if she crosses them I am prepared to break off contact permanently.But if she is in a place now where she can be a part of my life, I will accept that.It will never be the same. I don’t think I can ever trust her. I don’t look forward to speaking to her again. She will never understand the harm she did.I called her for her, not for me. But that’s okay.So for you, OP, I would say….You can forgive your mother by letting go of the active resentment for what she did to you.Holding onto unforgiveness only hurts you - it doesn’t affect her at all.However, even after you have forgiven, you must be careful to guard your heart. Don’t let her into your life if she brings more negative than positive.It is hard. We want to have mothers who love and support us. Sometimes, though, they are incapable of doing that.Surround yourself with people who bring you joy, who lift you up and love you.Forgive your mother because it will release that tight ball of resentment writhing in your gut - you don’t need that.
My mother is forcing me to be Christian. Help?
I posted a question earlier but all I got was "you're too young to know your sexuality!" "You can't know you're not Catholic, you're only 13!" If you're going to say something like that don't bother answering. I'm thirteen (fourteen in May) and I'm asexual. Sure, that could change in the future but right now that's not likely. If you're /still/ going to say I'm too young then let me ask you this: at what age did you decide to be straight? (No one decides their sexuality, by the way). Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the problem. Yesterday I told my mom I no longer wanted to be Christian/Catholic because I don't agree with most of the religion (especially how they treat the LGBTQ+ community). She said I need God, I'm wrong, accused me of being a lesbian (which I told her I wasn't-I was asexual), blamed my friends for getting "sinful" thoughts into my head (i.e supporting same sex marriage and believing evolution). She told me she was always praying for me because I never showed interest in boys or feminine things and that I needed Jesus because of my anxiety and other issues. Now things are tense between us. My whole family probably already knows "I support sinners." What should I tell her next time she tries to take me to church? Or says I need Jesus? I'm at my wits end.
Why dont ya'll understand my mother is obsessed with the neighbors not me................?
My mother is driving me crazy. She is the reason why I have low self esteem. She never said anything positiv about me mostly neg. now that I am old enough(20) to get away from her. Meaning I spend the nigth mostly with my bf she gets upset saying it is disrespectful and how I am embarassing them and how i am the only one in my negihborhood staying out all night or coming in early morning. I dont care what the neighbors think i dont know why she care she dont talk to them. But she is obssessed with them. She always looking out the window like neighborhood watch. she got me hating them people. She always talk about them but never talk to them then tell me how I am giving them something to talk about when in reality I am trying to get the F*** away from her. Trust me she is driving me insane. Why I wont move out??? Because rent is high in NYC and retail jobs dont pay well and I have not much work experience to get an office job. But do you think what the neighors think is important???
My mom hates me because I swore?
Okay so basically my mom is a motor mouth, she calls me and my sister every bad name in the book. I'm 14 and my sister is 16 and my mom has sworn around us since we were little. But we knew it was bad. Slowly my sister got into the habit, my mom never actually heard my sister swear, but my sister has sworn in my face, swears with her friends and on her phone and my mom knows this because I tell her yet she does NOTHING about it. Yesterday I came home with a friend just to chill and watch tv for a little bit and I texted my mom before to know if anyone was home and she said no so I came to my house. And my friend and I were playing with my gerbils when she lost it on the couch and then I found the gerbil and my friend asked if she could hold it again and I yelled "You FCKING lost it!" As in a jokingly way like I wasn't actually mad. And then 2 minutes later I hear my name and I'm like "mom?" And she's like "why are u swearing?" And I was like "I didn't know you were home..." And this was the first time she hear me swear and then she talked to me about how she couldn't look at me the same way again and it was so embarrassing because my friend was with me. I left for two nights to spend at my friends house because I honestly didn't wanna go home. Then my mom picks me up this morning and I sit in the car and she's like "You stupid a** piece of s*** dumba*** b****, I'm f****** late for work. Why the f*** do u have to go somewhere every f****** weekend you piece of s***." And I was just sitting there and she was just so pissed off at me and then before we drove in to my house she said you aren't my baby anymore, you've changed now ill start to treat you like an adult. I just don't get my mom. She works all day an whenever I see her she yells at me. My mom used to e so login and caring and now every time she sees me I can see the hate in her eyes. I'm a good kid I get outstanding marks, I don't drink or smoke I just slipped an f word!! My mom swears all the time anyways
Has religion destroyed a particular relationship with one of your family members?
Mine is between me and my grandmother. I never go to chruch, I'm atheist. She knew I wasn't the religious sort but not a flat out atheist and before about 5 years ago she just accepted that... but recently she's been hounding me EVERY DAY about not going to church. It's very annoying that she's being so pushy. We used to have fun together - like going to the mall and the bookstore and out to dinner, but now she's just in her room all day watching the christian tv channel. My grandfather had to stop her in the morning when she would BLAST the christian tv station at 6am just so it would fill the whole house with 'the word' .... when i'm still trying to sleep. I mean that's so inconsiderate isn't it? We actually don't speak anymore because she yelled at me while I was watching national geographic... yes really *sigh*. It's been a year now and while we live under the same roof, we do not speak. Christianity destroyed my grandmother (she's not terminally ill at all so there's not 'oh dang i better start praying' thing going on... she's just been indoctrinated)... I'm sad about it and wish christianity never existed. What about you, has religion destroyed one of your family relationships? Mom, Dad, Siblings, etc?