How do I stop my daughter from dating black men?
Ah, what an interesting question. My mom probably asked the same thing. About 4 years ago my sister "Sabrina" was 24 and she met this very nice man, "Adam" at the place she worked (a coffee shop). My parents were very interested to meet this guy my sister wanted to date. All my dad cared about was his religious background, which turned out to be the same as ours. My mom, well she freaked out once she found out Adam's color, which was black. My sister really liked this guy, but my mom would not have it and my sister didn't want to ruin her relationship with Mom, so she decided to keep it just friends with Adam. I never knew about Adam until later.Fast forward two years. Sabrina decides to forgo Mom and date Adam because she likes him. Sabrina let dad and I know, I was so thrilled that my sister was finally dating! I met Adam and we hit it off pretty well.When Sabrina finally let Mom know she and Adam were a couple my mom was quite upset and tried to get Sabrina to call it off. My sister didn't cave in. Soon my mom grew to love Adam too.Fast forward a year to July 3, 2017, one of the happiest days of my life. The marriage of my sister to a kind, handsome, intelligent, strong, and funny man. I never once judged Adam for being black, that doesn't define who he is. His love for animation, his devotion to sports and martial arts, his love for my sister, respect for all living things, humor, smile, and so much more is what defines him.My mom only saw a black man, which reminded her of her childhood growing up in LA in the 60's, she had bad experiences with bad people who HAPPENED to be black.if your child or someone you love is in love with another person and he/she is a good person, don't discourage it solely based on skin color.thats like saying the Space Grey iPad doesn't work right or is bad, but the Rose Gold iPad is better, same thing, different color.People are just people. Some good, some bad, we are all of color, white, black, yellow, whatever but that doesn't define us. We Define ourselves.
As a mother how do you feel when you say something really awful to your child that you didn't mean?
Really awful. Especially after she was old enough to understand it. (Leaving aside the comments about whether or not she was a poop machine on purpose when her only answer was to dimple up and giggle in that “Why, yes I am, Mommy! And you are so clever to work that out!” way!)Let me make something clear. I could not dis agree more with the person who says if you have yourself under control, that doesn't happen. In fact, I'm a little scared of that.Let me build on that fit a moment. Put yourself in a “no mistakes allowed” environment. How creative do you feel? How playful? How stressed? How can you deal with that stress?As parents, we're not raising children. We're taking care of children. We're raising future adults. I don't believe in teaching them their ABC’s before they cut their first tooth, and education is a whole nother bucket of fish anyway.What I believe in is beginning with and keeping communication open and honest. And that meant that when I said something that I regretted to my daughter, I dropped to the floor in front of her, held out my arms and said, “Oh, sweetie! I am so sorry! Can you forgive me?” She did.She's 30, I'm 60, I still put my foot in it and apologize and she says, “Oh, I just don't listen to you about that anymore.”So be real with your kids. Be who you want them to be (that little rule of mine cleaned up my language something fierce.) Have real emotions. Normal emotions. I'm not saying that you should fill your kids in on your divorce, your negative opinion of your in-laws, your sex life, or any other problems of an adult nature. Unless they're adults and even then, if they say “don't wanna hear this” you gotta shut up.
What do you think of a daughter who says she doesn't feel bad about not going to see her mom?
I think there could be unresolved issues between them, or not. Without knowing more about the situation it could also mean they are perfectly fine with each other. They may have agreed it’s best she doesn’t go see her mom, or it could be that the daughter feels seeing her mom will result in a painful encounter that will add to a problem between them. Anger, pain, frustration, sadness — so many emotions over issues can arise from past events that can keep people apart — and it can take a long time before the wounds caused by past events can heal enough that people are able to come together again. OR it could be the mom is dealing with something the daughter can’t handle — we don’t know!In any case, I wouldn’t judge her — we all have to come to terms with our parents at some point in our lives. Parents aren’t perfect — they make mistakes. So do children. Some are downright awful and abusive. It happens more than many people realize. It is always better for the victim to eventually be able to forgive their abuser so they can move on with their lives, but it’s difficult to forgive before you have time to heal. The healing process takes time, and space in a safe place. That could be what’s going on — or not. I don’t know. We never know what burden people are carrying.Unless this daughter discloses to you why she doesn’t feel bad about not seeing her mom, its not for us to judge or comment on. All you can do is offer to listen if she wants to talk about it and then be supportive.
I'm a terrible daughter?
Okay well I'd like to start off with the fact that I'm not pregnant and I don't do drugs or anything and I'm a freshmen in high school. I'm just a very horrible human being in general and I have a terrible personality. In fact, if I ever met myself, I would just walk away. I say this because my own parents don't even like me, with all reason not to. My parents provide me with everything I could possible need: food, water, a good education, a home, medical attention, etc. Whenever I get into an altercation with my mother, however, I just get really mad and I disrespect them. I'm just rude in general for no reason. Sometimes when my mom says hi, I'm just angry/sad. I feel as if my only two emotions now are anger and sadness. I haven't felt happy in months. I feel as if I take my anger/sadness out on my parents. I want to learn how to better myself and be an enjoyable person, but I fear that that's impossible. To the outside viewer, I could be looked upon as the perfect daughter. I get straight A's, I've never been in trouble with school or anyone for that matter (excluding my parents of course). I, however, am beginning to disappoint myself with everything I do. I feel like I'm not good enough for my parents or my friends and so I avoid my family. I feel like everything I do is a mistake. I called my mother crazy in the midst of an argument today and now she's crying to my father, to which I heard him say "Our children are worthless pieces of sh**. I wouldn't consider any of them friends or someone I could go to. You're better off just to stop caring. I did years ago." (I have two older brothers btw and one of them is in college). So as you see, my parents don't really care about us. I feel they would in fact be better off without me, and I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past couple months (there are many other influencing factors but that has nothing to do with this). I just want to know how I can become a good person and love myself, and most of all, win the love of my parents. Long story short, I'm an awful human being, how do I change my personality? Sorry this was so long, there's just a lot to tell. Thanks in advance.
Why does my adult daughter treat me horribly?
To many parents it appears to them that their relationship with their child when they were young was good but soured as they grew older , this can be true but in most cases that I have dealt with, the child didn’t “exactly” feel loved and respected when they were young . This is not to say that you didn’t give love and respect, because what counts in relationships is what the other person perceives. She could very well FEEL not loved or not respected even though you did give her love. But as she grew older her inhibition to hold back those feelings diminishes . She now also feels in position of strength (being an adult) where she can even jeopardize your relationship. Amazing enough even such a situation can be rectified . First write her a hand written letter saying that you love her and only wanted the best for her and respect who she is and want a relationship with her. After this, the next time you meet just listen to her , be there just for her, show her that you also have matured in your wiliness to change what necessary to improve our relationship. And moat of all do everything you can to make HER FEEL your unconditional love and respect.
My 13 year old daughter came home from a sleepover and was upset and crying?
That's ******* terrible! I feel awful saying this, but good Lord here it goes... It means they want one person to put their penis is her vagina, one in her mouth, and one in her anus. These kids are sick. If someone said that to my daughter, I'd "3-hole" them with my set of golf clubs. Find out who they are, and confront them and their parents about it. Best of luck, this is honestly one of the worst things I've read on here.
I hit my 15 year old daughter and I feel really shitty and just upset about it?
My daughter was on the phone last night with her friend and they were talking about guys and school and just everything as usual and I go to her room to tell her to come down for dinner and I hear her say "Lol I wish I could just get raped like my mom did, I heard rough sex is fun and I bet it would feel really good" That hurt me so bad to hear my own daughter say something as insensitive, insane, and downright awful and betray me like that. I got raped when I was 14. It was an awful experience and I got pregnant from it.. instead of having an abortion I decided to be the best damn mom I could be, but it was traumatic and just plain scary having a baby at 14 especially the result of a rape incident, I fell into depression and I was suicidal and I self harmed for years. Those were the worst years of my life and she took the cause of it (rape) and made light of it. Also me being raped isn't somebody I just go and tell the next person, it was a family secret and she knew it. I went in and I took the phone from her and threw it across the room and I kind of slapped her. I knew it was awful and the anger got the best of me. I feel really awful about it and I've been crying all night and trying to apologize to her. I went to my sister for advice and she kinda told me it was my fault somehow for getting raped and setting a "bad example for my kids" by being a mother of a 15 year old at just 29..but I don't understand also how it was my fault. I don't know what to do I feel awful about what my sister said and I just feel really really crappy that I hit my kid and that in the eyes of the people I love tbh a few of the only people I love I'm a bad mom.
I slapped my son today !! I feel terrible?!?
I had to slap my 14yo kid. He'd been out last night and told me and my wife he was going to be with his friends 'companion study' !! I had a doubt because he's a bit lazy when it comes to studying and school. He has a curfew of 8 (tops) on school nights. Last night he got home at 11 or something. I wasn't home nor was his mum. and then , I've got a call from one of his friend's parents saying she saw his with his friends on the street , provoked cops , (didn't get caught though) , I was really pissed, his exam start in august first week. he gets all C's and D's and sometimes F's.. But he's pretty smart . so I was pissed and later in the morning , when I talked to him .I told him to tell me the truth , he lied i got really angry and slapped him. I didn't want to do it . and If I could go back in time ,I'd definitely undo it. I feel so stupid and terrible . I've never hit him or anything...I was like the coolest parent to my children. no bruise , but was red for a while and he cried which made me feel awful. I'm thinking about saying sorry to him but I just can't get over it. I really have to control my anger. What would you have done ? how to deal with it ? Am I a terrible dad ?!
Do you have this errie feeling that something terrible will happen here eventually?
I don't know how to explain it very well, but I have this odd dream several night in a row telling that there will be sniper on the loose that targets major figures and celeberies. The problem is that the sniper is among the papparizie and uses some kind of projectile inside a camera. I fear if thats the case, not even the FBI will not even find him/her because nobody NOBODY ever think a papparizi has anything that's related with death, even though it is their nature to destory lives and reputations...like princess diana when papparizi had allegely chased her car until it crashed...and got away with it. Does anyone have this feeling that something bad like this will happen someday too?