How should a daughter deal with a narcissistic mother?
I am assuming you’re the scapegoat daughter, because the golden child would likely not be asking this question.I was raised by a narc mother and co-dependent father. My parents are my mom +1. My dad, after 30 years of marriage with my mother, is no longer his own person.I am one of their 3 children, the eldest, and the scapegoat. My brother (middle child) and I were the scapegoats, while my youngest sister was the golden child.The first thing you need to do is mourn the loss of a mother you never had. You might have a “fantasy mother” in your mind. I did for 28 years. I didn’t accept that my mother was a narc until this year, after recovering from narcissistic abuse from romantic relationships. I did a lot of soul searching and realized I had a blueprint in me, designed for me to be an empathetic, co-dependent sufferer. It was the most painful experience of my life, to accept the person my mother is, to work through childhood memories I had been suppressing. Going to a good therapist regularly is crucial here.How do you “deal” with your narcissist mother? You don’t. That’s the sad, heartbreaking truth. There is nothing you can do to change her or to change the situation you were born into. No one gets to choose their parents. She is the person that she is. She was this person long before you were even born. You have to accept that she will never change and you should be “dealing” with her as minimally as possible.In my case, I moved 2,000 miles away and have limited contact with my parents. I forgave my mother, even though she has never admitted to being wrong, has never apologized to me, and even though she will never change. But forgiving her doesn’t mean I need to “deal” with her anymore. I had to deal with her as a child and young adult, when I depended on her for my every need, but I don’t need to deal with her any longer. I “deal” with her by not letting her hurt or manipulate me anymore.You have to “deal” with your narcissist mother by not allowing her to hurt or manipulate you anymore. That might mean moving far away, having limited contact or even no contact. There is no other way to deal with her.
How to deal with my narcissistic mother?
im 20 almost 21. I have anger issues. Bad. I mean, I've went through sexual abuse for 6-7 years, and had my best friend die with no therapy. I cant help it. I have problems. But I can admit to that. I live with my mom and step dad. and siblings. In college. I just feel like LATELY shes been very... odd. I talk to her about my personality and its like she tries to say thats how she is too. no matter what the convo is led back to her. I have even tested it and she always talks about herself. Its like I cant have a bit of originality. She always talks about how she wishes she had skin like me and lips. and thats fine. But she talks about it way too often. She wants surgery now and she doesnt even have money for it. She is paranoid and always thinks people are bitches and rude. When they are not. She acts like she knows everything and treats me like I'm stupid and then when I say she is acting like a child and not a mother, she gets angry. She can never be wrong, in an argument. Its always me. I just cant deal with this anymore. I have no idea what to do. This has happened over the past year. I tried to be there for her, tried to be understanding. I love her but I cant stand her anymore. Thinking about moving out. But she claims that she doesnt want to be lonely and w/e but she is pushing me away.
I have a narcissistic mother. I cannot bear it anymore, nor can i move out.Please help me out.?
I have a narcissistic mother. I cannot bear it anymore, nor can i move out. I live in a Muslim family and i have lived my life at its best till i was 8. As i got 11, i.e, grade 6, i have emotional abuse from both my parents. I lost all the hope in my life ad any place i would visit people would pick on me and i wouldnt be able to reply to them as the words haunted me like " you dont know how to talk because you are a loser". I cannot even shout back at her because i fear my lord will punish for raising my voice at my mother. By this i have developed Anxiety at its high, i would fall unconscious rarely and would feel fainting all the time. They would shout at me all the time, this went for until iam 18 now. Well as i said im from a Mulim family, our religion does not allow us to leave our parents. And i cannot live with them too. Would love to hear what can i do, and would love to hear too from people who have islamic knowledge regarding this issue.
My mother is so unbearable that I just can't stand her anymore - what should I do?
I knew it was your mother the moment she lied about you being her daughter. that is a wicked thing to do. So I guess she isn't a good person herself and to be honest I would stop trusting her so much or her opinion of you. She is being far from fair, look after yourself and start to need her less and aim to become stronger in yourself and when she does these things while under her roof let it over your head but just think when I move out of home I WILL be able to handle my life just fine and nothing she says is TRUE merely the way she see's it and to be honest she sounds like she likes hurting you. Keep on with the constructive things you ARE DOING in your life and know you are doing alright, but just don't expect her to ever turn round and give you a compliment or to encourage you, controlling people can't do anything but put others down
How does someone deal with a narcissistic mother?
This is what my daughters do to deal with their narc mom. They set really stiff boundaries with her and enforce them. As adults they have had to take charge of their interactions with mom because if they don't, then mom will dominate and emotionally destroy everyone. Kinda like having a spoiled, rotten sixteen year old for a mom who never emotionally matured.They know the deal with their mom and accept that she is a manipulative, controlling, lying, self absorbed person but she is their mom and they both love her deeply. They have at times a strained relationship especially when they have to walk away or hang up the phone when she doesn't respect their boundaries such what and who they are willing to talk about. If she starts her rage, they are out of there and mom now knows but often forgets that alone time will follow if she doesn't abide to their boundaries.My daughters know that they have to be the more emotionally intelligent ones around her so they don't get sucked into her webs. They know they can't out argue her or change her opinion on practally anything so they don't engage or back away from meaninglessness disputes.Remember, narcs need conflict in order to rule so pull their fangs out by taking the high road and enforcing your boundaries. Wish you well.
I cannot handle my toxic mom anymore ?
Does your father live in the same house, or does he live somewhere else that you could live with him?Do you have any cousins or close friends you could live with? If you can think of someone else you'd like to live with tell your school counselor, your school nurse, or someone else you can trust. Make it very clear that you are NOT safe living in that house and you want them to help you get out. If you have to write it on their foreheads with a magic marker, do it,but don't let them get by with not helping you get into a safe situation! Family members aren't usually the best people to tell things like that to because they'll usually (not always) try to make the family look good to outsiders no matter how many morals they have to sell out. Can you catch her on tape without endangering yourself? No, you DON'T have to put up with constant abuse until you're able to support yourself and have a place of your own. If you try to kill her with kindness she's going to keep stepping up the abuse. If you try to defend yourself she's also going to keep stepping up the abuse because, as you said, people that emotionally immature are jealous of everyone and everything. One way they try to gain some control over people they're jealous of is to make that person feel angry or hurt. In society when someone else is intentionally harassing us and trying to push our buttons the best thing to do can be to not even acknowledge their existence. But you can't do that when your abuser/harasser is your biological mother with whom you share a house.So keep posting. We'll figure out SOME way to improve your situation. There are certain personality disorders (Cluster B, Axis II specifically) and there are some brain disorders such as brain damage from years of substance abuse, that cause so-called parents to INTEND to harm their offspring. And there are a lot of "adults" in society who aren't mature enough to be able to hear it when a child who's living in an abusive situation tries to tell them. So be PREPARED for some adults who you ask for help to not be able to accept the truth, but don't put up with it. When they start in telling you that they know more than you about how your mother acts when no one else is around and that they know how she thinks better than you do, walk away and find someone who's a little more educated and a little more mature.