My fiance has suddenly decided to reconnect with his old girlfriend.?
He told me that they were best friends before and he wants to renew that friendship. I know that she still had feelings for him but she is seeing someone new now so I'm not sure. I feel uncomfortable about the entire thing. I told him how I feel and he said that I was the reason he missed out on being friends with her before because he broke it off for me. Now I am at a standstill because if I ask him to stop being friends with her he will blame me and yet I've felt so uncomfortable and just generally bad for the past two weeks! I hate feeling this way and I cannot understand his insitence to be friends with someone he knows I'm uncomfortable with. When they were friends before she had bad mouthed me and that is why I asked him to tell her not to. Any advice?
My father wants to reconnect after a long absence and I'm wondering if I'm in the right in wanting it to happen?
17 years ago, my relationship with my father was cut off. I had been raised by my mother and husband being abused most of the time by him. Being made to do most of the work around the house and being hit were common. When the pair of them were coming out of a fight it came out that I wasn't his son (to my relief) and elements of my father's identity came out. I sought him out and eventually succeeded. I was 13 and was elated to have made contact. So was he as he'd been wondering if anything had come about from when he and mother were together and always had the possibility of a child in the back of his mind. He was young at the time and didn't understand what he was doing. I won't say how. But, were peer pressure not involved his decision to carry on wouldn't have occurred. We built up a close bond by my mid teens when the treatment I'd been receiving became clear to him despite my trying to keep it quiet and we began to work on my moving in with him. At the time I was rather isolated in the countryside and didn't have internet access. With talking on the phone being impossible thanks to my parents we kept in touch, beyond our meeting, by way of mail. One day, after our having started to plan my letters began to come back. His fiance had been rejecting them at the door while sending false ones under my name. Ones that made him think I had come to hate him. They're about to be divorced now and the admission came out and he's trying to reach out to me now.
Should I reconnect with my estranged father?
My father is a selfish, pitiful man. He was never a father for us growing up. He was physically and financially there, but never emotionally. After the divorce, one by one he drove his children away--each time blaming the influence of the older sibling for turning them against him (something we've never done, everyone has been able to formulate their own opinions of him). After my older sister died, we thought he might realize how little he appreciated his family and how horribly he treated her. We thought this epiphany would change him into a better man. This change has yet to come. If anything, self-pity has driven him deeper into bitterness and hatred.He had a girlfriend for a while and they even got engaged. I thought he might have finally found happiness, until he eventually drove her out of his life as well. He's driven everyone, and is left with no one but his cat and one pathetic old friend. I texted him awhile ago to let him know that when he was ready to change his outlook and seek genuine help and admit his role in the mess that his life has become, then I would be willing to unburn old bridges. He said he wasn't ready to forgive us. He's almost 64, and rapidly spiraling downward into self-destructive. So, do I make more of an effort to reach out to him? like the rabid animal that's injured so it strikes out at everything that approaches it. But if you could just reach it and heal it.... And no suggestions of family counseling. I want to hear from parents who have been in this situation (estranged from their families) or children who have gone through this. Does he really need help, and would my efforts actually have any impact on his outlook? Can a man his age ever change, regardless of how much kindness you throw at them? Anyone think he's a danger to himself or others? Thanks for any help
I dated a guy briefly 4 years ago. We reconnected recently. He has a girlfriend and a newborn. I'm pregnant. How do we do this?
Personally I would think about the impact of having an affair with someone with a child and a newborn.Firstly men are vulnerable to affairs when their partner has just had a child. The sex drive is very powerful and often shortly after birth or on the run up to birth sex is off the table. That does not mean he is going to leave her or that it is a good plan ensuring she becomes a single mother.Equally, (I am assuming your child isn't his) , he will always be tied to the mother of his child which will always be difficult in your relationship bearing on mind your affair or intended affair. Even if you have another child with him you might just be setting yourself up as one of many baby mamma's he might accrue.There's nothing to suggest you hook up with him, he abandons his girlfriend and then when you have your child he looks somewhere else for sex. What's happening to his girlfriend now could be happening to you in a few months.I appreciate you might be drawn to finding a partner but it might help in the long run to consider the carnage your actions might have on a newborn and it's mother or on your own situation. It's not like there aren't plenty of single blokes out there, some of them might be more loyal to you than this character. You don't need to knowingly make yourself into a Jerry Springer character, it might be a plan to’ ‘connect as a friend’ and not have sex with him.
How can I convince my father to not take my one month hard-earned salary without making him angry?
Dear Anonymous,It's difficult to answer such a question without an understanding of the family dynamics. If I gave you a typical Western response, it would be to stand your ground with your father, but South Asian culture is much different, children are expected to respect and obey their parents.The last thing I want is to give you advice on being independent, then you get thrown out onto the streets! You're a working adult, as such, it isn't unfair to expect to contribute a share of your pay for the unkeep of the house you live in. However, it is fair for you to want to also have some money for yourself, otherwise where is the incentive to work?With no disrespect intended, your father sounds like an unreasonable man, dare I say it a bully. I'm not sure he sounds like the type of person to negotiate with, but I guess there is no harm in trying to appeal to his better nature.I will also add that you shouldn't live your life in his shadow. I know parents in that culture think they should decide whom you should marry, you fear going against their decision, but it's wrong of them. You have a girlfriend, if he forbids you from marrying her, make sure you're independent and then go against his wishes. The risk is that your family will disown you, and I cannot really be the one to tell you how you should live your life, but children need to stand their ground otherwise this pattern continually repeats with the next generation.No one can control your life, not your parents, not your girlfriend, not me, only you know what's best for you. Life is about making tough decisions and sometimes having to face the consequences. There is though a lot expected from the eldest son, to help look after the family, so I empathise with the pressure you must face.Best wishes,Abi
My ex fiancée is getting married and Im still single.?
Honestly IDK why I'm posting this its just I'm kinda sad. I had already known that it was over between us even before we decided to go our separate ways. She grew away from me and I tried to reconnect and it didn't work. That was when we made a mutual decision to break up. She started dating less than a month after that and the first guy she got with is still the guy she is with (3 years ago we broke up). Took me awhile to get over her and I thought I did. I haven't been too successful at finding a steady girlfriend still so yeah I'm still single. But I had just heard she go engaged and it hit me like a brick wall... My heart started beating hard and I couldn't help but feel sad. I mean she's with a good guy and I know shell be happy for the rest of her life but I think I still love her.. It isn't like I'm undesirable or anything I have a lot going for me and I'm handsome. But why can't I love someone or find someone. I know the online community isn't too kind sometimes but if you've got good feedback thank you.
Is not having sex really a deal breaker in a relationship?
Let me begin by saying that I understand that not everyone has the same beliefs, but I believe in a higher being whom I made a promise to. There have been many hardships recently and with faith I have now reconnected myself to God. I made a promise of not being intimate with my partner until marriage. This has now become a major stressor, and has led me to believe that maybe my boyfriend is really not IN love with ME, and really just wants to have sex. I have been in a relationship for a bit over 5years now. We began to be intimate with each other about a year in a half into the relationship. This decision has been a big sacrifice for me and has been difficult for me as well. But it seems to me that he is willing to throw everything away if I don't give in..is he being unfair? am I right to believe that maybe he never really loved me?
How do I face my transgender cousin?
I will probably meet my transgender cousin next month, for the first time in a long time ... we were super close growing up (I a girl, he's a boy) but now he has a different name and "gender!" I am slightly uncomfortable about how I'm going to reconnect with him. I secretly disagree with his decision but for the sake of peace I won't say anything about it. It's a sad situation, and I'm not sure what I'll say or do when I see him!
My dad contacted me today, after 8 years?
I don't know what to do. My dad found me on Facebook & was messaging me. He said he knows he made a mistake, & said that he didn't just decide randomly to contact me. He said he loves me & he thought of me every day since he left. The only reason he waited is because he wanted me to be old enough to understand why he left. He said if I were younger, I would've hated him more for leaving. He left when I was 5. I'm 13 now. Today is also my sister's 12th birthday. He sounded very sincere & I want to give him a 2nd chance. But my Mom, she says I really shouldn't believe him. She said he is just trying to sweet talk us. She says that all he ever told her was 'I changed. I changed.' Blah blah blah. My dad tells me how he was very young, & stupid. & he was selfish when he left. Because he didn't put us kids first, he just left. He said he is sorry for breaking my Moms heart, & for cheating on her. He said he is sorry for getting drunk & angry at us. My dad wants to meet up with him, to meet my stepmom & my 7 other brothers & sisters. One of them is only 1 years old here soon. I kind of want to rekindle our relationship. I'm also afraid of getting hurt, & hurting others. Like my stepdad, he has been here 6 years. Longer than my real dad. He's provided for us, & loved us. My biological dad thanked my stepdad today. He thanked him for taking care of my Mom & us kids when he left. I don't want to hurt my stepdads feelings. But I want to spend time with my real dad. I was about 7 when my stepdad came into my life, & I started calling him dad pretty easily. He was always the father figure in my life. I would like to visit my other family sometime, but my real dad has no parental rights anymore. My stepdad adopted me last year. My biological dad told me today that no matter what, I was still his daughter. His first born. & no last-name change or distance could change that. My mom would let me see my dad if I wanted. I honestly think my real dad is being sincere. Any advice?