How do I forgive my mother for hurting me repeatedly, when she doesn't think it was wrong? I broke off contact, but I crave a relationship with her.
This question is very timely for me right now.Two days ago, I spoke with my mother on the phone after almost three years of no contact.She was physically abusive during my childhood and mentally and emotionally abusive throughout my adult years.There’s an example in Kittie Eubank's answer to What's the worst thing your parent has ever said to you?In 2013 I decided enough was enough, and I cut her off.There is no room in this life I have created for someone who only sows negativity and hurt.She tried to contact me a few times over the years and I blocked her. That didn’t stop her from showing up in my dreams, though.I knew that being estranged from me was very painful for her. She doesn’t understand it at all; she thought we were close.Even though before I cut off contact I tried several times to talk to her about specific instances of abuse, she never could see that she did anything wrong.It was always my fault - I was being selfish. I took it wrong. She did it for my own good.So why did I call her two days ago?She texted me, about a week before that. She said she was sorry for everything she ever did to hurt me.There was no guilt-tripping or finger-pointing. Just an apology and a request to reestablish a relationship.After much thought and seeking counsel from people I trust, I decided to reach out and give her another chance.I have firm boundaries in place, and if she crosses them I am prepared to break off contact permanently.But if she is in a place now where she can be a part of my life, I will accept that.It will never be the same. I don’t think I can ever trust her. I don’t look forward to speaking to her again. She will never understand the harm she did.I called her for her, not for me. But that’s okay.So for you, OP, I would say….You can forgive your mother by letting go of the active resentment for what she did to you.Holding onto unforgiveness only hurts you - it doesn’t affect her at all.However, even after you have forgiven, you must be careful to guard your heart. Don’t let her into your life if she brings more negative than positive.It is hard. We want to have mothers who love and support us. Sometimes, though, they are incapable of doing that.Surround yourself with people who bring you joy, who lift you up and love you.Forgive your mother because it will release that tight ball of resentment writhing in your gut - you don’t need that.
How can I Reconcile with my Daughter?
My daughter is 32 and, I now fully admit I was an atrocious mother to her. We have always lived a privileged life and, I always thought my daughter would as well. However, she loathed our lavish lifestyle. When she was a teenager she dated this guy who she loved but, because he was a "commoner" in my eyes, I forbade her from seeing him. I later pushed her to marry a more wealthy man her father and I were fond of. Then, last year when she was in a bad car accident and her husband was no where to be found, he was out with various women. Alas, the boy I forbade her to be with as a teenager, was by her side through it all. She has since left her husband and, remarried to this man. But, she has also cut me from her life. Her new husband is not who I took him to be, he is raising my daughter's son, as if he were his own and, treats me daughter much better than her ex-husband ever did. I have tried to reconcile saying I've changed but, she says I'm "toxic" and, doesn't want me around my grand-son. To my shock, her husband has come to my defense but, he has told me that she is adamant about never speaking to me again. I really miss my daughter. With my husband gone, I live in this bog house alone and, it breaks my heart to think she, her husband and, my grand-son will never come over for visits. How can I reconcile with her?
Daughter stole my car and got lost?
I wouldn't worry about taking the Door down, taking the TV and Phone .. it not going to teach her anything.. She will go again... If I was you, I would take to her police station and tell them that she has took the car, and She 15 years old and No Driving Licenses.. You want her to be arrested for stealing the car.. I want her to learn her lesson for that... That way she will be arrested and she will learn the hard lesson... that I will do it right now... and because, you are right she could of gotten herself Killed... Car Accident.. Can you imagine if there was Car accident and you are responsable and you could go to jail for that... Take my word just take her to police station when you can and explain to the cops and have cops arrest her.. she will learn quickly and not do it again.. that way.. if happen again you can call the police and they have the record on it and will arrest her and put her in jail.. Again you have to explain to the police about I having hard time dealing with her when she took the car and i have no control over her how to punished at home. Let me know hows it goes.. smiling
How do I deal with a Toxic sister in law, she is evil & posioning my brother with lies & she's cruel to my mom
My sister in law has it in her head that we don't like her or my brother. Not true, we love my brother. She is cruel to my mom and was to my dad before he passed on June 12, 2007. She didn't help, support or agreed with our care plan for him. An example of her meaness is when I phoned for my brother the night my dad died, I told her he stopped breathing and she said "good". I can provide cruel examples for the past 25 years, however I won't, I will just give your a couple more that she did in the last 3 months. She planned my dad's funeral before he died. The first time we all though he was going she secured the church times and started on gathering food. This hurts my mom, since she is frail and misses my dad, her hubby of 59 years. I would like to get my brother back in speaking terms and not have him so mad at us for telling his wife, it stops now. Behave and play nice or don't play at all. What do you all think, offer, any words of productive realistice wisdom?
Are my parents extorting money from me and my siblings?
As a 21 year old living with his Mom, Stepdad, 2 sisters, 2 stepsisters, 1 brother and 1 stepbrother, things are tough. But with my family, it's a lot worse. I have recently just moved back in with my Mom. I am broke and working a part-time job. She gave me a place to stay, rent free, saying that she'd help me get back on my feet. All I would need to do is "contribute to the family". At that point, I was made to believe that meant doing chores and helping out around the house. When I did move in, Mom came back to me again and mentioned that my StepDad would be losing his job at some point. She asked me if I could please help by paying their electric bill when he lost or was close to losing his job.. Understanding the situation, I said yes. That was 3 months ago. One month after that talk they give me the bill. However, he's been going to work his regular hours with no pay cuts, full-time and getting a very decent paycheck. I ask Mom about this, and she assures me that within a few weeks, he'd be done. They also want the electric payments in cash. They refused to take a check. That was 2 months ago. Today, he is still working and bringing home the same amount of money and working the same amount of hours. He brought home a new coffee maker for my Mom, a brand new Garbage Disposal Unit and 2 Rockband video games complete with a Guitar, Microphone and drumset. I then learn that all of my younger siblings, each under the age of 18 and still in school, had money taken out of their accounts (each with the parents names in the accounts) to pay for the parents credit card bills/debt. My sister, 17, had worked hard for her money to go to college, get a car and move out when the time was right. She has now only gotten back to the $1,000 mark in her bank account. She had close to $5,000. I feel like I'm being used. But I also feel like my siblings are being used too. Is there anything legally I need to know?
How do you feel okay about removing toxic people from your life? I'm trying to not give into the guilt but it's so hard to not feel awful.
I remember that it’s my life and that other people are not entitled to my company.When I was in my 20s, my life had a lot of drama. After a little introspection, I came to the realization that the VAST majority of that drama was caused by a small number of people that were in my circle. Cut them out. Drama dropped through the floorboards.Took until my 40s that I realized that family is no exception. I no longer feel the need to associate with anyone simply due to an accident of genetics. It seems kind of silly to me now that I ever did… if you’re the kind of person I would never hang out with if I just met you, why in the world would I ignore that just because we share a little more DNA than strangers?