Do you think weddings bring out people's worst behavior or their true character?
Absolutely! I think it comes down to the fact that when you are planning a wedding, you have to rely (even slightly) on certain people, and that's when you find out that a lot of people don't care or aren't truly there for you. It's fine for them to be friends with you when you're just meeting up for drinks, but it's an entirely different ballgame when you are asking them to be there for you on the biggest and most important day of your life. I've also noticed that a lot of women (usually either single or divorced women) have issues with weddings, period. So it's not necessarily about you, more about their own issues. For example, my aunt was married for 20 years and got divorced about 4 years ago. She is our only family here in the US and my dad's sister, so pretty close family. Throughout the entire year of our planning, the only thing she asked me in relation to our wedding was "is it open bar?" I swear, how ridiculous is that? Even on the wedding day, she didn't compliment me or the groom and I don't even think she said congratulations. And she insists on writing our cards in Russian when she knows that my husband doesn't speak it (she does speak English so there's no excuse). I've also had drama in my wedding planning: a bridesmaid dropped out two months before to pursue acting in California (I kid you not) and maid of honor drama because she didn't contribute to planning the bridal shower, everything fell on another bridesmaid (who did an amazing job by the way), and the maid of honor never even gave her the money for it!!! Not only that, but she generally didn't help me with anything and her toast at the wedding sucked, even though she pegs herself to be a writer. Sorry this is a novel...LOL. Bottom line is: I don't think it's you who changed, I think you are seeing people's true characters (that tend to come out when you need them for something, even if it's just to be there for you emotionally) and lack of caring. I don't think that they changed, I think that they have been like this all along but you just haven't seen it thus far until you are planning the most special day of your life. In the end though, it is all worth it. I just got married 3 weeks ago, and all of my wedding stress disappeared when I saw my hubby waiting for me at the end of the aisle...it was magical. I wish you a beautiful wedding day, free of drama and full of happiness!!!
Wedding gown shopping & MIL problem.?
I am getting married in 8 months. I went dress shopping with my mother and mother in law. I found a $1700 dress, but I went home and decided I was not comfortable spending that much money on a dress. So, I made an appointment at Davids Bridal kind of last minute. I was stressing about finding a dress (I m picky), but only my mother could come. My mother in law said she was busy, so I didn t tell her. I found THE ONE! It was $1100. I was just going to make an appointement with my mother in law so I could try on dresses and pick the one I had picked. BUT I searched the number online and found a bride who was selling hers because she had canceled her wedding. It s my size, includes the veil, tiara, petticoat, jewelry, with tags still on everything all for only $700! I couldn t pass up the deal and bought it. But now I have to explain to my mother in law why I bought a dress without her seeing me in it. I know she will love the dress, but I don t want to hurt her feelings. How do I tell her without hurting her. P.s: She has no daughters or any other daughter in laws. Which is why dress shopping was so important. She is a big part of my life and our wedding. HELP.
200 dollar wedding budget and one month to plan it. HELP?
i have 200 dollars. I cant get a photographer :( the photographer i know, is my mom. She WONT photograph my wedding. I have the dress already. We dont have the wedding bands- so that nocks off a hundred dollars from the budget leaving only like what maybe 80 dollars? My fiance and i have our guest list: it's 20 people big... but mom and dad are making me invite like another fifteen people i dont know. and i cant do anything about it. i guess im just giving up. i want to marry him so badly, but what can i do? we dont have the money- and we arent going to a Justice of the Peice or Vegas because we want our families there. :'( help? please Mom says i have to get married before december because im pregnant *im only 18* but that means that i have to marry him in the next two months before the dress stops fitting (when my belly starts growing) so basically the only day that works for everyones schedule is June 26. How do i plan a wedding on 80 dollars?
Would/did you invite children to your wedding or have an adult-only wedding?
I am currently planning a no kids wedding, the date set for August 2019. I came to this conclusion while considering a few different things. My fiancée and I attended a no kids wedding two years ago, one of our closest friends, and all of the adults with young kids actually got to have fun and ENJOY themselves. They considered the Miller wedding a date night/weekend, and hired sitters or scheduled family to watch their kids. There were absolutely no children in attendance and it was glorious. Adults got to have adult time and focus on the bride and groom, and not their screaming 2 year olds.For my wedding, I am trying to replicate the vibe that was at the Miller wedding. Everyone had a blast and could drink, knowing they didn’t have to immediately return to mommy duty the next day. Another point for me was, I didn’t want to have to pay for childcare or to entertain other people monsters. That seems unfair that I should have to pay for a babysitter for younguns. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule if someone is breastfeeding. But that’s about the only exceptions I’m willing to allow. I love my family and friends I am inviting, but if two people show up with kids because they didn’t want to pay for a babysitter than everyone else is going to be pissed they had to leave their kids at home.Our personal exception is our nephew and niece and my cousins will be attending the wedding. As 2 “ring bearers” and 2 “flower girls” that will all be over the age of 14 by the time we get married, so kids over the age of 14ish will be invited. Because they are self-sufficient beings that do not require my guests attention.On another hand, my wedding is expensive and I don’t want to pay $30 a head to feed you and your 5 kids under 10, who probably won’t like what I serve anyways. I will not cater to other people’s fascination with reproduction.Also, as a guest at another wedding I did not appreciate having to watch my step and weave in and out of wild kids running around, because Mom and Dad were too lazy or too drunk to care. For my wedding, please leave the children at home.
HELP...My mother is upset that I'm not getting married in my hometown. What do I do?
I'm originally from Maryland and I want to get married in West Virginia where my fiance and I went to college. I'm living here in West Virginia now and have always wanted to have my wedding at the college. However, my mother says that I'm "turning my back" on my family by having my wedding in the grooms hometown...I try to explain to her that it's not that...it's the college that I want to have the wedding. She won't listen to me and has decided to not talk to me..ohh and not help with the wedding because she "can't" (so she says since she is in MD) I want to make my mother happy and I understand where she is coming from but the wedding that she wants me to have isn't the wedding that I want. I don't know what to do because my fiance and I have been saving for the wedding of our dreams. I've tried to include my mother in the planning but it's either her way or no way. Any advice would be amazing! Thanks!
Should I explain to my daughter that marriage is not a bed of roses, it has its own compromises, pros and cons? Or should I let her build her opinion based on her own experience, instead of prejudicing her mind?
Personally, I would not - because I’ve never seen it done right.If you do it wrong, you’ll guarantee that either:She’ll end up in an abusive marriage, thinking she has to give up everything and that what the guy has “given up” is enough.She’ll swear off marriage, because if marriage makes you worse off than when you were single, what’s the point?My mother had an emotionally abusive marriage, and tried to rationalize marriage as not being perfect, as everyone has struggles, etc. She tried to say her issues were “normal” when they were not.This made me think there was no such thing as a “good marriage”. I have several close, intimate friends, and thus, have never been desperate enough to believe that I need a relationship - even if it’s abusive. A lonelier person would have ended up in a bad situation because of this advice.Unfortunately, option 2 isn’t great either.Marriage can be a wonderful thing - it’s not just compromise after compromise, it’s a partnership. You aren’t just compromising - you’re looking after one another. A good friend doesn’t do anything that would hurt someone they care about- the same applies with a good spouse.Not to mention, in my experience, whenever I hear Indian American women doling out relationship advice, it’s almost always encouraging the woman to “compromise” by giving up things for the man. You give up your career. You raise the kids almost completely by yourself. You have that extra kid because he wants to try a boy/girl. You spend less time for yourself- all your time is consumed on others.Don’t ever tell your daughter to settle for mediocrity or to lower her standards.Sure, if she has too high standards she might never get married, but really, is that so horrible? Would you rather she be happy and single, or abused and married?Not to mention, most people don’t have “high” standards, they just aren’t interested in anyone they know at the time. You’ll be surprised how often things just work themselves out.Let her grow and learn on her own.This advice might be better given after she’s engaged, after she’s already seen the good in her relationship. Just a reminder there will be arguments and bad days - and that is normal, but not encouraging her to settle for them to begin with.
My wife is very sensitive and has a big ego. Whatever I say she takes it otherwise and we end up fighting over petty issues. How do I deal with it?
She's insecure and doesn't like you. Your relationship probably sucks. Love her and be nice to her. Spontaneously buy her chocolates (unless her insecurity stems from a weight problem. Flowers would probaly be in order in that case). Tell her how smart she is (she's got to be smarter than someone). When she gets mad because you come of as condescending or insincere don't sulk or attack back. Follow up with with general concern. As if you know her anger at you for something so small must be the result something bigger.I don't know you or your wife. I could have just hit it on the head or I'm way, way off. I do know an expression about birds of a flock or feather or something like that. If she's screwed up you are too. You're married to her. Fix yourself or divorce her because life with a pissed spouse is way too much god damn trouble otherwise. Marriage sucks because people refuse to REALLY try to see things from their spouses perspective. I guess marriage ALSO sucks because it takes way too much mental energy to try to see thing the way the opposite sex does.You should get a divorce. : )
Why does my wife ruin every surprise I try to do for her?
I am frustrated. Long story short, I have been with my wife for almost ten year now and no matier how I try to surprise her, she always snoops her way into finding out somehow. Then when I know she spoiled the surprise, she will lie about the fact that she knows because she is trying not to upset me. For example I stopped and got her roses tonight and I was going to leave them on the counter tomorrow morning to find when she gets up. Well in the 20 minutes between when I got home with them to when I stepped foot out of the shower, I find out she happened to have to put something in the passenger seat of my car which coincidentally is exactly where I left the flowers at (thinking this was a saf3 place she never goes into my car). And yet she is swearing she didn't see anything and has no idea why I am upset. I know we have been together a awhile now and am trying to keep some element of Romancertain and spontaneity in our love life but she always seems to sabotage my plans. I know it's in her personality to be like this.... she used to open her Christmas gifts and re wrap them as a kid... but sometimes I just don't understand why she can't let me surprise hee with something. Does she not understand she would feel more happiness about something if she didn't know it was going to happen?