How can i find out where my father is buried?
Hello, Im 20 years old born 1992, my father passed away when I was 2 in 1994, that's when my grandmother(his mother lost it) now shes just a psycho literally, I remember in 1998 my grandmother and grandfather took me to his grave site, I just know its in New Jersey he was from and lived in New York though. Anytime I ask my grandmother or grandfather they act like they don't want to tell me where he is buried or they will rush me off the phone like "oh I gotta go the food is burning....." Or "oh someone's calling" and its not just my grandmother it's his brothers and sisters they really just don't want to tell me, and I would really like to know cause I just want to go to the gravesite and just sit there and talk to him tell him what's going on, i need closure, im left with unanswered questions.. he cant answer them but i will feel better letting everything out, my mother won't tell me cause she doesn't know either, she was his mistress so we didnt even go to the funeral when he passed. It's so much more to the whole story but does anyone no where I can get his info? Sorry for the spelling I'm typing in my ps3 And father knew he was going to die he left money for me and my sisters but, my grandmother and uncles stole and did other things with it
What do you have buried inside you that you want to to get out but can't.?
Name something that you have on your mind that you wish you could tell someone that you just have a hard time saying rather it be a deep dark secret that you are afraid of telling but wish you could or if its just something that you want to tell someone to feel closer but you just can't. The one thing that i wish i could do is tell my dad how much he has hurt me for choosing drugs over me and how hard it has been to not have him in my life for the past 13 yrs when i have needed him so much ( I am 28). I want to make him hurt like i have the times that he has contacted me and told me that he was going to visit me on holidays and then never show. And how i would tell my friends in school that he died just cause i was to embarrassed to tell them that the truth was he wasn't dead he was just so drugged up that he usually wouldn't know who i was if he ran into me in the store. ( he once flirted with me in the store cause he didn't know who i was cause he was on cocaine.) I am so scared that he will die before i have a chance to get closer. By the way he live in a town about a hour away from me but im not sure exactly where but he knows where i live exactly and my phone number but wont contact me. I just wish i could tell him how much he has hurt me and how i have felt all this time and how hard it has been for me.
Have you talked with your family about what to do with your body if you were to die?
Perhaps your father doesn't like to think about his loved ones dying - the thought is very painful for some. Especially if he has lost other people in his life who were very close and had a hard time with it. It's also possible your dad thinks his feelings on the matter are more important than everyone elses. You probably know that better than I. There's a very good chance you will not die before your father but you can have a lawyer put your wishes in writing to make sure. If you do not want to do that you can at least sit down and write a heartfelt letter about what you want done with your body after death and why. That might make a difference in the event of your death. It's no guarantee though. That's what my father did regarding his wishes for cremation and a non-Christian funeral in the event his siblings threw a fit about such things if he died before they did. Which he did and thankfully we did not have to pull out the letter. It was a nice letter and I think it would have made the point. I have told my family what I want done with me. I want my organs donated and then my body cremated.
I’m not estranged from my family, but I was estranged from my mother for the last decade of her life. She would have told you the estrangement was my choice. And while I tbink it was her decision, I also know it happened because I asked her to do something she was unable to do.She was a woman of many gifts who also had mental illnesses she felt unwilling or unable to acknowledge, and so these remained untreated. She had chronically turbulent, highly emotional and on-again-off-again relationships with family and friends throughout her life, cutting off contact with us over trivialities for weeks, months and even years at a time, then suddenly reappearing in our lives as though the silence had never happened. My sisters and I called this “being cancelled.”When I had children, I saw how hurtful and confusing this behaviour of their grandmother's was for them, so I attempted to negotiate an agreement with her that she could be angry and yell at me as much as she wished, but since cancelling me meant she also cancelled my children (her choice), she needed to agree to stop the cancellations, as it was unfair and upsetting for her grandchildren.Since she had never been confronted about this behaviour and asked to stop it—we had all just played along with the reinstatements in which no mention was made of the silences—she became hysterical and refused to discuss it. I told her it was her choice, and that I'd love a relationship with her in which we both—and my children—could count on continuity, even if we disagreed or argued at times. I left it with her to call me if that was the kind of relationship she could commit to.I never heard from her again. I heard from family friends that she told people she didn't have any idea why one of my sisters and I and our children had “stopped speaking" to her. Almost 10 years later, I got the news from the sister who stayed in contact with our mother that Mom had died at home, with our stepfather of more than 40 years by her side. I will always love and be grateful to him for giving her what so many of us in our family felt we could not give.
That’s just it, you do look back. You look back on all the pain, the hurt. You look at the way they didn’t even seem to care how bad they hurt you. You look back on all the different ways they were willing to hurt you and you wonder where was the love? I mean, you loved them, and they said they loved you, but you ask yourself,”did it feel like love?” or was it somehow “off”even a little. That’s the problem that most victims of NPD abuse have, they look back too much and too intensely. We can’t help it. We want answers, we want reasons. We just keep asking why, why, why. Why did they think it was ok to do those things to hurt me. Did they know it would hurt me? yes. Why did they want to hurt me? They said they loved me. No one doesn’t look back but we leave because we want to survive. They caused us to feel so bad about ourselves that in many cases we wouldn’t be here now if we hadn’t left. I’m a huge fan of the “family” when the family truly is what family should be. I still feel pulled to go back around because I still want to be loved like family should love each other. But they can’t and won’t love me like that. After 58 years of the pain, the constant criticizing, the ridicule, the taking away of the things I loved, I had to leave or die. It was a matter of survival and no one wishes any more than I do that I could have survived another way. But I couldn’t have.
What do you get your family for Christmas when they aren't speaking to you?
Families sometimes feel they know what's better for us than we do. In some cases they're right and we're just too close to the situation to see what they see. In other cases, they have a hard time letting go and accepting us for who we truly are. If you've looked at your relationship with your boyfriend and considered your family's concerns objectively, that's all you can do. As long as you're happy in the relationship, your family will have to learn to accept your choices for yourself. If you "really have no desire to put a lot of thought or money into it", then why do it? Gifts should be given out of a desire to make someone happy. They should never be given out of obligation. There is no point to that. Yes, it's Christmas and yes there are traditions but it sounds like the old traditions are being let go in your family in some ways (i.e., you're not being accepted as you are.) I like the idea of donating to charity in your family's name. That way you give a gift that means something to someone who truly needs it. Follow your heart. You have the answers. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Do what feels right to you. Hopefully your family will one day come around and accept you as you are and see that you're happy in your new life.
Do people get buried barefoot?
Overhere it's up to the deceased (if his/her preferences are known) and the family. You can be buried wearing just about anything, some prefer nice clothes including shoes, others like various kinds of shrouds or wraps. My dad was buried in his pj's, and barefoot of course, since he & my mom saw death more as eternal sleep than as going somewhere where you have to get around and look your best. He of course was barefoot, you don't wear shoes with pj's. My mom would probably want the same thing. I think I would like a nice dress but I'm always barefoot (yes, literally always) and I 'd hated to be buried with shoes, I wouldn't want to be stuck with them for the rest of eternity! Funeral traditions are greatly changing here in the Netherlands, of course a lot of people still carry on tradition -nice clothes, regular casket, black cars, normal service- but more and more people are also doing other things, like the shrouds, cardboard caskets for environment's sake, even burial wraps and a sort of litter instead of a casket, caskets in all kinds of shapes rather than plain rectangular, caskets carried in different vehicles (not even always a car, a bicycle fanatic was buried on a cart pulled by bicycles), services with singing and such to celebrate a person's life... Almost everything is possible and whether or not you want to wear shoes is one of the simplest choices you get when you have a funeral to arrange!
Different families will handle this differently.My BF’s mother died young, when the children were barely adult. Eventually, his father remarried. When he died, his second wife had him buried next to his first wife. That way, the children and grandchildren could visit their parents in the same place.There were no children in the second marriage, and his second wife was buried in her family’s home town near her parents, I believe.