What are good strategies for getting rid of a bad habit?
Replace it.A lady came to a sage with the same question.She said, “Guruji, how can I get rid of my bad habits?”The sage asked her to bring him a cup of water from the river nearby. Though a little perplexed, she got the water from the river. The water was dirty.Then, he asked her to take the clean water from the pot and keep pouring it on the dirty water till the water became clean. The lady was very perplexed, but she still decided to indulge the sage.She did as he said. Soon enough, after a few rounds of pouring clean water in the cup full of dirty water, the water in cup became sparkling clean. She brought the cup to the sage.The sage said, “Like the water in the cup which became clean after a few times of you pouring clean water from the pot, our bad habits need to be replaced by good ones.”If you eat junk food, start carrying small tiffin boxes of food with you.If you want to drink more water, carry a water bottle. On your work/study desk, keep a couple of bottles of water.If you want to do more work, use a kitchen timer (of, even an app like Brain Focus) to time your work hours.If you want to quit smoking, avoid people who smoke. Replace the habit by drinking more water.The point is that ours is a monkey brain and is subconsciously affected by our surroundings.Surround yourself with people who have good habits.Create environments which reduce the effort required to maintain the habit.Maintain a record of your habits.Over a period of time, you will see that you have changed as a person.
Coping strategies after failing an exam?
Odds are that your classmates studied for the same topics/ questions as you, and faced the exact same dilemma. For the time being, I would definitely focus on your biology exam. You probably went a lot better than you imagine.
Coping strategies for a gifted perfectionist child with emotional excitabilities?
My 10yo son tends to go straight to hot, stubborn, defeated tears when he's frustrated, mad at himself for not paying attention or procrastinating, faced with something he knows/thinks he's not good at doing, doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing & doesn't want to ask for it to be explained again, does something embarrassing or when someone is not fair to him. Unfortunately, many of these things happen in his 4th grade classroom and on the playground at school. He tests in the gifted range in reading & math, in school - but, has not been identified for services, yet, I believe due to his low writing scores (which, imo, is due to his perfectionist tendencies & his left-handedness). The tears are never angry at anyone but himself and his behavior, besides the distraction of tears, is fine (has never been 'on red light' or any other punishment for disrupting class, being rude to others, misbehaving, etc). But, they are a social issue as he gets older. And, the school staff is worried about his emotional health, too. He does have a nice circle of friends in class, too. Friends who know to just leave him alone when he gets sad, but who, clearly are worried that he is sad and who don't deserve to feel responsible for his sadness when they just make mistakes, themselves. So, we are meeting with his teacher & school staff this afternoon, to discuss the issue and, hopefully, to discuss strategies to help him (and them) deal with this. And, yes, I have been googling trying to figure it out myself (hence the 'gifted perfectionist with emotional excitabilities' which I just discovered last night). Do you know of any other children who have experienced this kind of behavior? Did you? Do your children? If so, how did that child cope in the classroom? What strategies helped him/her learn to stop the lump in the throat, the tears welling up? What helped put things in perspective so that the child could better interact socially?
What is feeling "safe" in therapy, a term used by my therapist?
I’m going to go ahead and second the advice to ask your therapist in-person. That’s partly because only they know what they actually meant. It’s also partly because, as a client, I think it can be hard to know what a therapist is really focusing on or emphasizing, without checking in. I’ve had a whole lot of experiences where someone has inquired in detail about a word or phrase that resonated with them, or caught their attention, in a really deep or intense way—and, for me, it was just an off-hand comment or supporting statement, not the main point of what we were talking about (and often carrying a far different intended meaning from what my client had expected). It’s a good idea to ask, because your therapist may not know that the idea of safety is one that is immediately important in your work together, and it might really help you both out if they did.In my own work, the idea of feeling safe in therapy is kind of a complicated one. On the one hand, I want people to feel as safe as they can, while doing the work they need to do with me. And it’s important to me, as far as possible, to avoid doing or saying things that will feel so unsafe that someone is overwhelmed, exhausted, or unable to continue.At the same time, part of what builds trust and a sense of safety is, precisely, saying or doing things that might feel risky, and then watching them not cause harm, in a given relationship. So part of therapy (with me) is about building a sense of safety in the clinical relationship and clinical space—and finding/practicing ways to feel more safe, when things do become too intense or overwhelming. Also, though, part of therapy is usually taking some intentional emotional and/or relational risks, and tolerating/turning down the volume on the feelings that generates.Some of the ways we feel safer are by not overwhelming our own ability to cope, throwing out all of our existing coping strategies before we have new ones, or perpetually diving deep into situations that are or feel extremely dangerous. And. Part of how we feel safer is by (carefully, intentionally) expanding the range of things we can cope with effectively; adding or building on existing coping strategies; and figuring out ways to assess safety, take necessary risks, and respond intentionally to threat and vulnerability.
Is there any point in going to speak to a therapist if I’m unable to talk about my own flaws, and I’ve never been able to criticize others? Also, the things that I think in my head, are not things that I’m comfortable saying out loud. What can I do?
I would say that it really depends upon the circumstances. While therapists are skilled at helping people change in ways that they find challenging, you as the patient do all of the work.I believe that many mental tricks exist that can aid you if you truly have something that you want to change, that you find challenging. One strategy is semantic. What if these traits or behaviors that you currenlty consider flaws or criticisms could be instead characterized as imperfections or idiosyncrasies? Suddenly these traits and behaviors are a lot less threatening. What if you realized that others have these problems, including verbalizing such issues? Well, guess what, they do.One thing that you'll find therapists have in abundance are strategies to alter one's thinking. At least cognitive therapists do and that's still a very common movement in psychology and widely practiced. Maybe they'll ask you to consider your thoughts at home or verbalize them privately, maybe write them down and then consider them independently. Maybe they'll train you to tag anything that triggers a bad feeling with one of acceptance, like thinking of the open arms of your mother, or Jesus or the Buddha or… I think that you get the idea.There are many types of therapists for many types of people. If you want help (and you obviously do), it seems worth trying. I think the narrow way that you seem to view the practical aspect of therapy is a little different from the reality of therapy. In no way do I intend that as a criticism. I simply mean to suggest that there's a lot more hope for help than your current idea of therapy would suggest.Additionally, therapists can be very skilled at getting you to where you can discuss issues with them. And they can do so ethically and so that you're comfortable.Good luck! I hope that you are able to find the help that you need.
As a private practice mental health therapist, what are the biggest roadblocks you face in both gaining and retaining clients?
Thanks, Chantelle.Resistance, for both gaining and retaining.I have clients almost make it in for a session just to cancel, reschedule, cancel, reschedule. When they finally make it, most say they knew they wanted to come but at the same time we're afraid of change. Just as many decide they aren't ready yet after doing intake and will vanish, usually to return later when they are ready. I get it. Therapy requires being engaged and doing work. It's not always the right time for people. I'm in no rush.