BF thinks I'm too quiet around his friends. What should I do when they talk about people/events I don't know?
My BF has known his friends since high school or before. He's 32, so that's a lot of history. He's been introducing me to his friends, which is great. I think they're nice people and I have a good enough time. But, he thinks I'm too quiet around them. I don't know how to change that. How can I be more outgoing when meeting a group of people for the first time when they all know each other really really well and mostly talk about things like "how is so and so?" I'm quiet anyway, and I don't feel comfortable throwing out some completely unrelated topic out of the blue. I'd feel rude doing that. He says he understands that I'm in a difficult position, but I don't know that he does. He's never the outsider. He's never met my friends/family, b/c they're about 1,000 miles away. He says he feels like he's missing out on knowing part of me b/c of that. I don't know what to do. And knowing he's sitting there thinking I'm too quiet - THAT makes me uncomfortable and even more quiet.
How do I deal with friends who hate me because I'm quiet? How do I tell them that I'm not the problem?
See this photo.If this is you(above photo)And if this is the people around you( below photo)You will find it really hard to mingle with them. Your condition is same as that of an introvert, surrounded by totally different people. Since you are a quiet person I think you will be more comfortable to talk with two, three friends rather than interacting with a group of people.*The odd one*You know one thing, take a group of five people. Let four among them be of the same type( they all have the same areas of interest) and let the fifth one is entirely different from the others. All four will see him as an alien creature. In most cases he will become the laughing stock of the group ( they will even bully him ). They will try their maximum to change the fifth one. To make him one among them.This is what happened to you. Social anxiety is something which differentiates you from them. If you need to join them, don't worry, soon or later you will adapt to the new changes. Things take time. But the fear of losing friends is what disturbing you. If they couldn't identify the real you, believe me they are not the right ones. Friends would have a great influence on our character. Hence, choose them wisely. Find people of your similar nature. The people who helps you to be yourself. The ones who accept your uniqueness.Pic courtesy : google images
My friend thinks I'm weak?
say jokingly, You may think I am small and not very tough, but you push me around some more and I will show you how tough I really am! Bigger people who talk all the garbage like she talks usually are not tough anyways, that's why they talk so much crap, but it's the small quiet people you really have to worry about, because they are the ones who can fight, and kick alot of a**! Dont pay her no mind, she is just trying to make you lower your self to her level, don't go there with her! Why are you friends with someone like her anyways who treats you like crap? You deserve a better friend!! Good luck!
My friends say I'm too quiet and I should talk more, but I really have nothing to say at most cases. What should I do?
Do what you want. Simple as that. You don't have to listen to them. I'm a quiet person always have been. I had “friends” that wanted me to talk more. Still I didn't talk more. It shows dominance. And authority. People will literally talk and talk and you barely say anything. It truly shows how weak a person is by how much they talk. Unless they lie. Some may disagree but I think it's the truth. If you just talk and talk about yourself and your feelings you are just weak. It shows alpha when you know when to talk and when not too. You know what to say and what not too. You say the right amount and not too much. Just do what you want. My advice don't let them boss you arouns. Once you let them so that they will keep bossing you around. Show them whose the real boss my man. Just be yourself and if they can't handle it and want to change you then they aren't truly your friends. Stay true to yourself man. Good day.
What do you think of quiet people?
Quiet people are often brilliant people. ☺ They are usually also deep thinkers. Sometimes they can be perceived as stand-offish but that is not their intent. They are simply more introverted and most of their dialogue happens internally rather than externally. They often think before responding, because when they don't think about their responses and instead speak on impulse, they tend not to say things the way they would have preferred to say them.If you are dealing with a quiet person, please don't take their quietness or privacy personally. You will find that when they do talk about things, it’s more on a deeper level and less small talk. Its best not to take that personally either. It's not that they don't enjoy conversation with you, it's just that small talk does not come easily to them. In fact it can be draining - not you, the small talk. This is often the case too when talking on the phone. You may need to be the ‘driver’ on phone conversations, especially longer ones.Find intriguing, thoughtful discussions to have with the ‘quiet’ person, and you will find a wonderful conversation partner!Peace. ☮Patrick
People think I am weird and avoid me because I am quiet and avoid small talk. I have tried my whole life to change this, but it seems that I am just a born introvert. How can I change, and should I change?
Hi. I am an introvert myself. So much so that I get minute panic attacks in my head and heart when I have to meet new people. And through a major part of my life I tried to change it. I even went to a counsellor for this. And it is very dissatisfying because this is a part of you and you can't change it. So it used to make me feel even worse, incomplete and less wanted.It is only recently I started accepting who I am. Being an introvert we have the gift of having more meaningful conversations. And believe me I have made some truly amazing gem of friends. I may not be a social butterfly but I know that each and every friend in my life is someone I can trust with all my secrets and sorrows. I can be completely helpless in front of them and the only thing they will do is help me out. When they go through troubles they come to me and not one of their social butterflies. I not saying extroverts are bad. They are brilliant people too.In fact a lot of my friends are extroverts.It is more about being at ease with yourself and your awkwardness. Accept it and believe me it is not just theoretical. You can really try it. Acceptance of introversion will really help you deal with this.You can always inbox me in case you need any help. :))
If your quiet, do people think your stupid?
I am a very quiet and calm type of person, especially in school. I had moments in my life where I felt like people thought I was stupid just by the way they talk to me, I felt like my friends thought I was stupid by the way they talk to me, I even had moments where I felt like my family members thought I was stupid, I know my little sister did.lol One time in school, a teacher that I had who is real calm like I am made a mistake and forgot to print out our homework, and friend of mine who use to take the same class as me and sat by me all the time had called my teacher an idiot on the low becuase by teacher made a little mistake, everybody makes mistakes, no one's perfect right. I guess that bothers me becuase like I said, I had plenty of moments in my life to where I felt like people, friends, and even my family felt like I was stupid. Because of these things, I have been hating the word "stupid" all my life. So if your a quiet person, do people think your stupid, and why?
What will people think of me if I'm quiet & reserved (but not shy)?
Introverts tend to get labeled as standoffish and cold because they don’t interact and thereby offer cues that help people make assessments.As an introvert I’ve accepted people’s perceptions. I can’t really do much about those kinds of judgements.But I am reassured knowing that when I interact with people in small groups and one-on-one that they experience my warmth and kindness. For me, that’s what matters most.
Why if you are quiet do people think you are judgemental and critical?
A lot of times being withdrawn or quiet is seen as a sign or boredom or critical, disapproving behavior. Often times, we all think that people are jerks or just really don't like us when the truth of the matter is that they're terrified of talking to us because they're shy! I'm in your boat, I'm usually pretty quiet and withdrawn, but I actually am judgmental and critical! lol most quiet people, however, simply are quiet because they're shy or scared or have nothing to say but the people around them who aren't quiet and don't understand it tend to misinterpret the behavior as rude, unattached, distant, or judgmental. Try interjecting at least a few words into conversations, try smiling while you're quiet or looking absorbed into their conversations through the use of your body language (tilt your head, lean forward, look thoughtful, anything that is a sign of somebody who is attentive and interested). I think that most people will never realize what quiet doesn't always mean that the person hates them, but if you pipe up now and again and show them that you are in fact interested in their conversations and aren't being distant and critical, most people will eventually realize that you are just shy. Good luck.
I'm introverted, people around me think I'm quiet and shy, too. Should I change myself?
I know what you mean, and let me reassure you, many introverts like you and me have felt like at one point. I use to be boggled by what people thought of me, and now I couldn't care less about what they think. People will think many things of someone, but its what YOU think that really counts. People think I'm quiet, and I am quiet. I will only speak when I got something to say, or someone starts a conversation on a topic I care about. People may think I'm shy, I'm not shy at all and I don't really care if they they think I am.. nor should you. They will eventually figure out I'm not shy by my body language, self-confidence in speech, ability to "approach" people I find interesting etc... I don't talk at all. I am so quiet one might think I'm suffering from depression. However, whenever I'm around new people or meet other people I feel I might encounter again in the future (colleagues, friends of friends, classmates etc)... I give it my all, I ask questions, put on my extroverted mask, smile, laugh etc. and then in the later days when we meet again, I stay true to myself... and just talk when I have to, quiet when I feel like it. Back to your problem, don't concern yourself with what other people say or think. You can express yourself in ways other than words (dress classy, smile more etc) or you may start conversations on open-ended topics you find interesting. Extroverted people looks for breadth in friendships, they may meet someone for one day and BAM they are "friends". We aren't like that, we seek depth... and trust me when I tell you that when you find that ONE friend (an extrovert would have 100 by the time we get 1), it is so much more rewarding in every-way. So take your time, don't mingle with people you wouldn't normally interact with but only feel like you should because your friends are. And lastly, don't change your true self. Introversion is an asset that comes with many advantageous (and sometimes envious) perks. Look at your personality through the pros it brings, and you will find the cons laughable and negligible.Good luck! ^_^