The difference between being a concerned friend and a nosy nag?
Ok a few months ago I posted a question about how to help my emotionally abused friend. I thank those for answering my question. Now I have another question about the same friend. She has found a new guy now and dumped the last one. But now this guy has a 7 month old son and he is trying to get partial custody. Thing is that even the guy may be better than her last boyfriend that pressured her for sex and then pretty much didn't care about her. I'm wondering if I should jump into this new relationship with her and tell her to be careful with this guy too. Because my feeling is that he is still such a new father, that he would need to spend more time getting to know his son. And may not always have time for her. And though she says she understands and all I don't think she does really. Besides that she has to take into consideration that the guy is still friends with the ex. He isn't just a guy with a kid he doesn't get to see that often. So any advice on this would be great. Thanks.
I’m worried that my boyfriend will start falling for one of his female friends. How can I stop worrying?
Ok, I normally don’t answer these kinds of questions, but I can see you heading towards some real heartbreak. Just like you cannot stop your boyfriend from falling for a coworker or some random woman he meets on a train or any one of a million romantic possibilities we encounter in life so worrying is not only a waste of time, it is an actual ingredient in manifesting your worst fear. For the same reason you are not trying to get together with any other men in your sphere, because you chose to be with him. If romance was of mutual interest to him and his female friends it would have happened and he would be with them not you. If I could tell all the young, insecure, women out there always worried about fictional threats to your relationship it would be that there is one true threat to worry about and it is your insecurities. Your doubt in yourself is what drives this worry. You must not think you are a match for these women? Insecurity and self doubt will eventually be warn on your sleeve and honey, its mighty unattractive! What is the phrase? Desperation, the worlds worst cologne! You have the guy and yet you are still feeling desperate. The most drop dead gorgeous woman is eventually reduced to nothing but her insecurities and she too will come to break her own heart. I say this not to women only, but to all men and women who lose sight of their value and replace it with fear. Know thyself! And if you are not impressed with yourself find out why and become a woman to be proud of and admire, a woman who a man would be lucky to know and be with. This is not about beauty! Don’t fall for all that Kardashian nonsense, real men don’t need ravishing, they need someone they can laugh with and climb rocks with and understand. It is about humor, intelligence, humanity, passion, creativity, confidence and more confidence. Don’t fake it, find out what it will take for your to live up to your own high expectations and you will find out that when you truly have self value you will stop worrying about other women and what-ifs and start living a full and engaging life. And if you ever do find yourself being cheated on you will have the self awareness and courage to not fall apart and crushed by it. Don’t try and trust other people, you will never know what lives inside the hearts of others, just trust yourself and be someone you can trust and you will not fail yourself no matter what happens.
My friend had been depressed. He recently met girl who is now his girlfriend. Just yesterday, I saw her kissing another guy. When I confronted her, she said she doesn't care, I don't know what to do. If I tell my friend, I'm worried he'll do something to himself. Do I tell him?
Internalize this first. Swap places with your friend for a moment. If you were in his situation, and he found out your girlfriend was kissing someone else... would you want him to tell you? Would you reconsider his friendship, if you found out later that he knew and didn't say anything?Be the kind of friend you want YOUR friends to be with you.My advice is to listen to Madeleine Gallay. Commit to the idea of telling your friend. Then, approach his girlfriend first. Tell her that you are going to tell him, and when you are going to tell him. Tell her she can come clean first if she chooses, but he is going to know either way. Then stick to your word. If she doesn't tell the truth in the time frame you have provided, tell him.You want your friends to watch your back. Now's the time for you to watch his. Are you afraid he might get angry with you? You should be. It is a perfectly normal reaction for him to feel angry with you, since you would be bringing him bad news.You are worried that he might do something to himself. Does this mean you think he should be ignorant and walked on by his girlfriend, as long as he thinks everything is OK? Is a pleasant lie better than an uncomfortable truth? That's the question you need to answer for yourself. You could be a good friend, and stick with him after the bad news, to help him through this... to make sure he doesn't do anything rash.EDIT: After hashing out some of the finer points in the comments, you should add one step. When you go to confront her, make sure your phone is charged. Set it beforehand to start recording video when you hit the shutter button (most phones with cameras have a dedicated shutter button for taking pictures) instead of taking still shots. Start recording, and put the phone in your shirt pocket. Then confront the girl. Get you giving her the ultimatum and her reaction on the recording. Again.... video doesn't matter. We are only looking to get some recording of the entire event. Then, if she lies to him and tries to put it all on you, you have evidence to back you up.
Should I be worried that my friends never text me?
Sounds like your friends dont think much of you.I'm sorry I didnt sugarcoat it. But if my friends didnt respond to my texts, I'd definitely take a hint and realize I dont matter much to them.Now if they were all anti-digital people, I'd excuse them because that means clearly they cant operate anything with a touchscreen.The least I'd do, is get them all face to face, and talk to them. And tell them that it didnt exactly feel too good and if they had an explanation for it.Best case scenario - They'd tell you why they couldnt text OR WHY they dont text YOU back in particular because of your XYZ flaws.Worst case - They tell you "Oh no, its nothing like that we love you, we're just too busy". Then it'll suck to be you.Remember, only a friend will give enough damn about you to tell you where you are going off the track.Anyone who doesnt tell you WHY they dont like to be with you and yet keep you around, is no friend of yours.
My boyfriend has a lot of female friends. They text him as often as I do, and it makes me jealous. They even send him selfies and want him to send selfies back. It feels like they're waiting for us to break up. How do I let go of this frustration?
In a way, this is completely normal and a scenario that happens all the time. As a guy, I can attest to the fact that, regarding attention from women, "when it rains, it pours." Basically, whenever I've been in a relationship, a ton of other women come out of the woodwork all of a sudden, and are flirtatious with me. This causes a point of friction with my girlfriend, who hates the "competition". I'll tell you a version of what I tell my girl.They aren't popping up because I woke up today and suddenly found myself richer and hotter; they only want me now because they see that someone else has me. People want what they can't have, this seemingly goes double for attraction. Any smart man understands this, and doesn't let it phase him. Moreover, being in a relationship must mean that I'm dateable and date-worthy - that is, someone finds me attractive, thus I must be! So, my social "stock" (for lack of a better term) goes up, raising my perceived "value," which raises demand even further (which raises my value even more, and on and on).What does all this nonsense mean for you? That as a smart "investor," you picked a winning stock early on, and are reaping the rewards. Does Warren Buffet get jealous when he makes a stock pick, and everyone and their dog tries to buy in as well? No, he kicks back, satisfied with his investing acumen, and (in my mind's eye) says "suck it bandwagoners!" As should you: you made a good pick, and now everyone else is trying to say "ooh I want in too!" But he's yours, and you should be a little smug instead of jealous. Confidence in your boyfriend and his fidelity is key. If you act neurotic and jealous, he'll either a) eventually get frustrated and wonder why you're so insecure (ie are you worried he'll find someone better? maybe he should?); or b) understand your insecurity, and leverage it to get his way. Either option isn't good, to put it mildly. So outflank his friends, be confident because it's sexy and self-assuredness is self-perpetuating. (It's a fine balance between arrogance and confidence, so be mindful!) His friends will smell you being the confident alpha, and know that your bond is unshakeable by those who occupy the cheap seats in the stadium. And remember: just as much as you picked him, HE picked YOU as well - not any of those other girls! So shoulders back, chest out, and eyes up…you're the alpha in the room, and never forget it.
Im worried about my whole school finding out im gay.?
Im a sophomore in high school. yesterday I came out to my friend. he's the first person I've told. anyways i thought i could trust him, but today my other friend who's very close with him asked me if i was a lesbian, i said no and she said "you can tell me i wont say anything". she's very popular and likes to tell other people's business to everyone which is why i said no. She told half the school about this girl getting pregnant.im pretty sure he told her because i saw them talking at lunch and they were looking in my direction and she asked me about it right after lunch. im really worried because my cousin goes to the same school and we have a class together.it's the same class i have with the guy i came out to and the other girl. they are both friends with him. i dont talk to him anymore because we have problems. I know that if he found out he'd tell the rest of my family. they would probably kick me out if they found out. word spreads really fast in my school. the girl was with a group of friends today and they kept looking at me. now im really worried that she told them. i feel really depressed. there's not many gay people at my school. I'd be treated like a sub human. i really thought i could trust him.
My friend might be pregnant...she's only 14...I'm really scared for her.?
Okay, so I'm only posting this because I'm afraid for my friend and really would like some answers! She and her boyfriend had sex twice...I dunno about a month ago. 20-25 days maybe. He used a condom the first time and the second time he didn't. My friend got her period a week or so after, and I've heard of people having their period while being pregnant so.... She's around the time to be getting her period now and she doesn't know if she'll get it or not and she tried to take a pregnancy test but she didn't do it right or something and so now I'm a little worried. What will happen if she is? Not body wise, but legally. I know it's against the law for people under 18 to have sex and I learned in health class that you can have to serve up to 150 hours of community service with your parents because of it or something like that. But if she ends up being pregnant and she decides to have the baby, what will the government do? What about the school? And if she gets an abortion, will they make her do a lot of legal work? I'm not to concerned about her choice because she's my best friend and I'll love her either way but I am concerned about what will happen after she makes that choice. Legal issues are on my mind right now, not much of the family issues. But those are big on my priority list too. I've been looking up complications in pregnancies and there are things listen like bone problems and it worries me that she is so young and small and might be pregnant. She's 14, going on 15 this month, and it about 100-110lbs. Only about 5'2". Maybe. I'm worried about if she decides to have the baby in question and her chance of surviving. Please, just let me know if you think she's pregnant or not. :[ Thanks for reading this and thanks a whole lot for your help!
What should I do, if my boyfriend has a girl as his first best friend on Snapchat?
Oh, sweet Mary Josephine.Relationship rules to live by, written just for you.Quit letting social media of any kind have any effect on your relationship. When Snap-chat usage becomes your metric for a healthy relationship, you've already failed.You, I, her, him, them, nobody has any right to ever dictate who you, I, her, him, or them can be friends with. Ever. I don't care who this person is. I don't care if this best friend is an instagram model and they used to have wild crazy monkey sex together. Doesn't matter. It's not your call to decide who your partner can be friends with.Girlfriend doesn't always equal best friend. I have a best friend. He lives in Texas. There are things he knows and things I tell him that I won't talk to partners about. That's life. Nobody is entitled to know everything or to BE everything in their partner's life.Delete snap chat and evaluate your insecurities and why you feel the way you do. Relationships are hard enough as it is without inventing reasons to be upset.Edit: Sigh, I’m editing myself before someone accuses me of being a meany poop-head. I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, Questioner. Really. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you have a world of pain ahead of you if this is something you care about. A world of pain, and a whole lot of unhealthy relationships. I’m guessing you’re young, and I’m very aware how insecure young people are. I was the same way. I’m also aware of how different things are now compared to when I was a wee lad.But there’s the rub. Things are different …but they’re not. Every generation will have challenges, but the answers to those challenges never change. You need to let go of the controlling reigns. You need to let your boyfriend have a life outside of you, and one that is free of jealousy and control. The path you’re on will only breed resentment and a lack of trust.I genuinely wish you the best of luck. Take a step back and become self aware.
I'm sad that my friend doesn't talk to me as much anymore. What should I do?
Watching a friendship fade away is sad… Sometimes when things you have in common are no longer “as” relevant as they once were then friendships can start to cool off.If you feel that the things that initially sparked the friendship are just as valid now as they ever were then maybe go to your friend and ask … “has something happened as i have noticed our friendship is not as strong as it used to be” You will certainly get an answer from that but maybe not what you expect.Sometimes friendships are only for a season because of things you were both involved with but one of you has new interests that with it brings new friends . That’s life unfortunately. Its not a bad thing … It leaves you opportunity to now find a new friend and you can implement things that you learnt from past friendships in your new friendships and create new and different friendships based on different criteria.Is sad when things change and doors close .. But it also creates space for something new to happen.
I cheated on a test.. REALLY worried?
I substitute teach, and teachers often expect the honor students to be more likely to cheat because they care so much about their grades- which is why they often do issue 2 different tests and number them. You could wait it out, but I have a good feeling (over 90%) sure that if you confided privately to the teacher what you did she would give you an opportunity to retake and not report you. Teachers highly value honesty. Not coming forward privately to incriminate yourself versus being "busted" or caught red-handed is going to be treated enormously better with much less fallout. They will respect your honesty and try to reward you by not reporting it and giving you an opportunity to retest rather than a 0 which will definately affect your grade. However you must decide in this how much of a risk you are willing to take. How likely is it you will be caught? If you are fairly certain you will, confess, otherwise you may see what happens, but I sure hope you learned from this it isn't worth the risk.