Can someone feel remorse and guilt while having a lack of empathy?
I think, technically, yes. Empathy makes it difficult to "feel" harm you've caused to others, but you can still recognise that you have breached ethical standards, and that this has caused harm. The difference may be that empathy might prevent you from carrying out the harmful action in the first place, because you can imagine the suffering it will cause, and the emotion that arouses is, in itself, a deterrent. Remorse and guilt arise after the action, as a result of realising you have breached ethical standards and hurt someone, but there wasn't a sufficient "brake" to divert you from your intended course of action. If you can learn from the experience, however, you can be a more ethical person in the future, which can only be a good thing.
How can we feel empathy?
Empathy is sitting down with someone going through pain and go through it once again, this time taking them with you. A lot of people go through the same experience you might have gone through, and the numbers grow as you age. Failing in an exam, going through a breakup, breaking someone’s trust, loosing someone’s book and the list goes on.It take courage to be empathetic. if you are not courageous, you’ll only fake empathy. “Well, you know what, even I went through this, and these are the mistakes I made, these are the people I lost, these are the relationships I broke/lost and you know what, I still may not understand your pain completely. But I’m here to listen as long as you want. And a cup of hot chocolate”. Because people or there sub-conscious knows what to do next, but the stuff has to come out for the thinking to become clear and the mind to calm down.I remember this story where a fitness trainer went to gain a lot of weight (close to which he had when he was average and depressed) for a woman who was in the same stage. They both came out of it. If I see someone who has failed Indian National level engineering entrance exams (even one attempt), I’ll mentally sit down with them, ask them the question which I asked myself, and leave them alone for a while to wander. Then help them getting out. Might not be my way, might be another way, but we’ll get out.Part of it is also giving up expectations and the non-existent control over other people’s lives, which is a very good thing. You’ll have to understand that each live at some level is entirely different, even for twin brother going to same school in same town. Because sometimes it’s that one thing that sets the whole life apart.
Does empathy mean "feeling what other people feel”?
Athena Walker's answer to There are three types of empathy. What do psychopaths lack?The three types of empathy that the question is referring to are:Emotional empathy- The ability to understand what a person is experiencing based on personal experience and understanding built from that. This is often referred to as “hot empathy”. When you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagiousCompassionate empathy- Understanding a person’s predicament and feel with them, but are spontaneously moved to help, if needed.Cognitive empathy- simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. This can be learned from observation and extrapolation. This is also called “cold empathy”Psychopaths lack the first two, and we often excel at the third type, cognitive empathy. This is how we learn the ability to manipulate and cajole people to do what we want them to do. We are often so good at it actually that we can put on a perfect display of empathy that even the most attuned observer would miss that it is a performance.The Psychopath Inside- James FallonConnecting with others involves both cold (rational) cognition, where one person understands what others might be thinking and what an appropriate response might be, and hot (emotional) cognition where one can experience empathy with another’s feelings and attitudes-that is, actually “feel” them much like the other person would experience them. Someone with damage to the hot system, let’s say in the orbital cortex, might not be able to predict others thoughts but will have the most trouble sharing his feelings.A dichotomy may exist between empathy, a fundamental connection with the pain of others and arising very early in life, and “theory of mind,” a more elaborated medial prefrontal system that allows us to consider others’ thoughts and beliefs, even if they are different from our own. People with autism lack theory of mind but not empathy, while people with psychopathy lack empathy but not theory of mind. Without empathy you can still have sympathy, though-the ability to retrieve emotional memories, including those that can predict what painful event is probably about to befall another person, and the will to help that person.
Is empathy useless ?
If we really think about it, it only makes us weaker, of course understanding the emotions of other people is useful, but no need to feel what they feel or help someone else if it doesn't help you get something you want. In fact lacking empathy is usefull to succeed, because nothing can stop you and you have a big advantage over most people, you get what you want more easily. But this way of thinking doesn't only apply to getting a high-status job or earning lots of money. I found that often when we think we are being empathetic it is something superficial, let me explain : people always have more empathy for beautiful people or animal and we often act like psychopaths and show no empathy for ugly people or people we do not like. Some animals are treated kindly and others are not, regardless of their intelligence. And when it comes to love it is well known that when finding a mate people (male or female alike) are just trying to find the best looking mate (and of course someone who is somewhat trustworthy, not dangerous for obvious reasons), it's just game theory. That's why I never really invest emotionally in my relationships I know it's all bullshit in the end. But let me clarify something, I am not saying you shouldn't feel anything, on the contrary you should feel good, but you shouldn't be concerned about hurting others if there are no bad consequences for you. So I think that regardless of your intellect or your attractiveness not having empathy is something good, that will give you an advantage in life, you won't suffer and will be more productive. What do you think ? ps : Excuse my poor english, I'm french.
What causes someone to lose empathy?
Let me start from scratch, for clarity:Empathy is feeling like another person feels in a certain situation. (That's not a technical description... it's just we're all on the same page.)For empathy to exist between a person and others, the person must understand the experience of the others. Not just intellectually, but emotionally. If the person has never experienced what the others are experiencing, there will be no empathy. Even if the person is totally normal and healthy.If they share an experience or problem, not just hypothetically, but actually share it in real life, then it is especially easy for them to empathize with each other.Empathy is not a yes/no thing though. It changes over time and may affect different people differently.People have different tolerance for the same thing sometimes. You might get bored of something before I do. You might love something forever, and I might like it for a year.An example might be a movie from your childhood. If you play it for an adult that has never seen it before, they might like it, but they might never gain that "full on" emotional appreciation for it like you have.If we are playing a game, and you are beating me really badly, our experiences of the same game are different, so we suddenly may find it hard to empathize with each other's motivation to keep playing. Or if there is a lot of something in a person's experience, the value of it goes down. If it is rare for other people, the person may not empathize with their feeling in the same way.For example, a normal person would be pretty excited to win $1000. But a billionaire might feel the same whether they win $1 or $1000 because financially it isn't a big deal for them either way.That type of thing is at the root of a lot of government decisions about taxing rich people or creating systems for poor people: nobody in government is poor, and everything they do requires money, so their empathy makes it difficult for them to really care about people unlike themselves. (Also, greed.)Ultimately it all boils down to how well the experience of one person aligns with the experience of the empathizer. So if you want someone (or yourself) to empathize more with something, try to close the gap between the two experiences.
Is it weird to feel no empathy for sad people?
Is this all sad people, or certain sad people? I'm not a believer that you need to empathize with someone just because they are upset. Not empathizing does not make you psychopathic. It doesn't make you autistic. It doesn't make you a bad person. And it doesn't even mean you lack emotional IQ. To be perfectly honest, we live in an emotionally needy world. Some people are constantly seeking validation/attention for their feelings. Despite what people say, you shouldn't feel bad for not feeling bad. I had a bit of a rough childhood; sometimes people tell me very silly problems with their life and I really do not feel empathy. I want to, but I don't - it's what I feel. For example, one of my friends was "complaining" that her parents only gave her 10% downpayment for a house and not 20%. This complaint was so entitled and absurd to me that I really just told her that I needed to go get some work done and hung up the phone. Later she told me, that my lack of listening to her problems, caused her to go on an antidepressant. Now think about this - because I wasn't emotionally available to her, I somehow was the culprit of her depression. People like her aren't used to dealing with ordinary problems and need some lessons in growing up - for her, I was just a tool to distract from that process.We are definitely living in a society that needs lots of emotional support. We hear things like "it's not your job to assess whether or not the situation deserves empathy - people just feel the way they feel". Perhaps this is correct, but let's be honest, you don't need to accept other people's problems constantly forced into your sphere either. You've got your own to deal with. Now, that's one example. I have plenty of examples where I really empathize. My ex girlfriend was an eastern european immigrant who came to this country with very little. She wanted nothing more than to bring her parents over. When she asked me to help her bring her father get a temporary visa, I could feel exactly how important it was to her...and how devastated she would have been if she couldn't see him. So to answer your question - empathizing is human. If you feel no empathy, with anyone, then something is not right. But the concept that you need to empathize with every sad person is bs. There is too much pain out there for you to beat yourself up about this.