Scared that I'll get all depressed again?
Okay so it started when my friends mom died 1year ago. She was young and she was like a second mother to me. I became sad, and experienced some insomnia symptoms. I wasn't doing much at the time I was lazy and watched tv. I had a symptom change right before my friend moved (same one whose mother died) and I has symptoms of derealization, depersonalization and anxiety. I know longer felt the depression symptoms or insomnia. I am really just worried about the derealization. It is my worst symptom. The depersonalization has gone away but I still have anxiety. I am no longer sad at all. I am a 15 year old boy who doesn't want to tell his parents and whose terrified of doctors. I am a hypochondria so I always take things way to far. I am not wanting to kill myself and love life but have this feeling of disconnection that makes me feel like I'm going crazy sometimes? Am I? My symptoms get better when I'm busy or not thinking of them but always seem to come back? Lately I feel kinda normal and everything but still don't feel 100%. I just still don't feel like myself, I feel like I've changed so much in the past year. I feel disconnected still, it's kinda a constant thing but I don't notice it as much. I'm terrified that this summer will end up being like the last and I get anxious and scare myself into symptoms.
I'm so depressed I can't do even the simplest tasks?
I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm still in high school, and I can't even lift myself off of my bed to do my homework. When I get home, I flop onto my bed and that's where I stay until the next day. It's really upsetting me because, up until now, I've had straight A's in all honors and AP courses. I had my eyes set on going to an Ivy League college, but now I can't even motivate myself to stand up. I swallowed my pride and told my parents about it, and mentioned getting antidepressants, and they said they'd look into it. It's been a month now and the topic hasn't come up again. I'm so sick of this and I don't know how to fix it. I hate this me, I want to go back to the old me. I just don't know where I should go from here, if not six feet under. Please, I'm completely open to any and all suggestions.
Is suicide the only real cure for major depression?
I've been on and off medications for 8 years and gone through electroconvulsive therapy. My memory is now so poor that I can't remember people's names, and schoolwork seems like such a daunting task that I can't conjure up the energy to begin it. I live with my parents and they are going to kick me out of the house soon because they think my ups and downs are just a ploy for attention, when in fact I don't want attention. My dad is encouraging me to commit suicide to put an end to the financial and emotional burden I've placed on my family. I think I've become numb to people and I dread seeing them because I fear that they will know I am dead inside. There isn't much left of me after these 8 years, I'm like a zombie now. I am beginning to feel that suicide is the best option at this point, I no longer want to make people miserable. I realize that committing suicide will hurt people but in the long run I won't have to see my children afflicted with this mental illness and watch myself die each and every day.
I've felt depressed before. I've known the feeling. More or less, I've come out of that. Lately, I've read about people who are depressed and feel envy. I feel as if I want to return to a saddened state. Why?
Without knowing more about your life and psychology, I can't promise that this will have any relevance to you, but your question speaks to an experience that I have had as well.From the time that I was 15 until about age 30 I struggled off and on with a depression cycle. When I wasn't depressed or when I was on the verge of being depressed I sometimes felt a desire to be depressed, and even an image would come to mind, that of diving into and submerging myself within a vast, cold ocean. I remember thinking that it would be easy to do this, and in a sense, freeing, which I think was ultimately the attraction. Not submitting to the feeling was much harder, as if I was holding my breath. I think the attraction of being depressed, for me, at least, was that I was allowing myself to experience some feelings and emotions that, frankly, needed to rise to the surface and be processed. When I was trying not to be depressed I was likely suppressing those feelings and emotions. It wasn't until after I learned a way to manage being able to face and experience the feelings and emotions that caused me to be depressed without actually becoming depressed that I was able to overcome the depression cycle. That process took a lot of trial and error, though, which I just want to let you know in case it sounds like I found some sort of magic bullet.So anyway, try taking a deeper look at the thoughts/feelings/emotions/experiences that make you feel depressed, and maybe what about being in a depressed state feels different or advantageous to you to figure out what could be behind the envy you feel.
Why does school make me have anxiety and feel depressed?
So I just recently started Senior year at my high school. I feel really depressed since it started a few days ago and since the end of my summer break. It all started last year during my Junior year. During that summer I moved from New York to California. When school started i was nervous, scarred and depressed. I didn't have friends. And for some odd reason I didn't want friends. I just wanted to goto school and get home.i enjoy my independent time and family. During lunch i would sit alone. And do hw or go and sit in a teachers classroom. I often had suicidal thoughts because I hated the thought of going to school the next day. When it was Friday and Saturday I would get happy because it was the weekend. And during long breaks off of school I would be happy too. Then when it came close to school I got really sad again. I get scarred to have to do a presentation and make a fool of myself. And i would always be embarrased that my stomache growled during tests or exams. I would skip class and my grades began to fall in my classes. i also stayed home quite often to avoid school. but would feel guilty of not going. my parents always say et a good education and do well in school. and i try. i have some thoughts of suicide. But know i would never do it. It was just a "what-if" thought. Well when this year started i felt even more depressed and had anxiety. I don't like my classes and don't feel happy sitting in class. I constantly feel sad and hopeless and wonder how am I going to get through my last 10 months. Sometimes it gets too hard to a point I want to break down. I hate my schedule and some of my teachers. I just want to be left alone. During my summer i took summer school. I enjoyed it evade we did our work on computers and didn't have the teacher bother us. I tried to ask my mom if I could do online classes or something and she just ignores it. And on top I'm going through alittle family problem. I lay in bed at night crying. I don't want counseling. Just help