Why do I feel so much resentment with my ex?
It’s likely you can’t understand how they moved on so fast, while your still in pain. You probably feel left behind, and to see them laugh and having a good time? How can they not feel as badly as you do? Doesn’t the time spent together mean anything to them? Was it all there is? Or do you feel like your relationship was all one sided? That you loved them more than they loved you? Now you want them to feel the heart break, the never ending pain, because now, it’s all that you have left. When a relationship ends, there is always someone left hurting, and this time it’s your turn. It doesn’t get any easier, it will take time. Don’t let your pain be all that’s left, remember the good times. It’s really all that matters, because the pain will be with you for awhile. It will become part of you, and over time it will change who you are. Our life experiences shape the kind of person we become, don’t let this define who you become. Those who do not learn from the past are going to repeat it. You have got to let them go, let the past stay in the past. Don’t try to exact revenge, it’s never a good idea. There is an old saying, if revenge is what you seek? Then dig two graves, one for them and another for yourself. Get out with your friends, don’t sit around and have a pity party. You need to get rid of everything that reminds you of them, don’t try to hang on to someone who has already left. I am sorry, I wish there was more I could do. I hope this helps, because this is all I have. Good luck, there is someone out there just for you. Now it’s up to you to find them, what are you waiting for??
Adults, do you feel resentment for your parents not giving your braces if your teeth are less than perfect?
This questions is for adults. If you have less than perfect teeth and if your parents never gave you braces as a child/teen, do you hold it against them and have some sort of resentment? I am 31 and I have braces and they are coming off in around 2 months. I think that ideally I should have had this procedure done when I was a child or a teen. I guess I hold it against my mom for not getting it done. I feel like perhaps I could have had been more confident and secure with myself if I had braces and had some of my crooked teeth fixed. Now they are straight (after I paid for them to be fixed myself) at the old age of 31. I feel like I could have been happier if I had it fixed earlier; been more outgoing, maybe had a different life. I think it's a bit unfair that most kids nowadays get taken to the ortho when they are like 8 or 9! (I see them at the ortho office) while I am just getting mine off now. I just think it's unfair that I was not given the same advantage. The reason for me not having the braces when I was younger was due to monetary reasons btw. My mom wasn't so well off. I still feel like I would have had a better life and been a much more confident person if I had gotten braces. I sort of blame her and feel a lot of resentment. What do you think?
Is it normal to resent my own child?
First, I would like to say I have complete full respect for you being a single mom for all that time. You seem like a very smart and intelligent woman. Who even though has been dealt somewhat of a bad hand, you managed to get the best of the situation. Normally, resentment of your own son seems very uncommon. How old is your son? Is he aware of this resent you have towards him? That may be the reason he is acting so disrespectful. However, you make great points on how he may just be taking up his fathers traits. [ Monkey-See, Monkey-Do.] In my personal opinion, I think it is not normal to resent your child. But it is possible to, given the correct circumstances.
Is it normal to feel extreme resentment towards your husband?
Most of the resentment is to his attitude about things. Everything. He's so messy, never picks up after himself, it's as if he doesn't know we have a laundry basket, all he does after work is sit at the computer with headphones on. I can never talk to him because of the headphones. We never go out and do anything together as a family (we have a 13 month old daughter). Once a week he goes and plays MTG in a tournament type thing, lasts several hours, he has time to drive 50 miles to spend 7 hours there, but it's a big hassle to go outside and play or go to the park. When I try to talk to him about whats bothering me, he just goes all immature and emo, he says "I'm a horrible father, a failure it's all my fault" blah blah with a ridiculous attitude! Then I just say whatever and give up.
Is it normal to resent my rude step-grandchildren?
I understand how frustrated you are, but you have to understand that your husband is in the middle. These are his children from another marriage. These are his grandkids and no matter how rude they are, you are his second wife and are not their bio-grandparent. So for you to do the disciplining and the rule-setting may seem out of line to him. Since you share a home with your husband you are allowed to make rules such as 'When in this home I demand respect and kindness from you'. But to tell your husband that he needs to discipline when he obviously doesn't agree that he does is creating more problems than peace. To make a point to your husband I would suggest creating a chart. Get a poster board and simply draw a line down the middle. Don't write anything identifying columns. Instead, you decide which side is for Positive (attitudes) and Negative (attitudes). When the grandkids are over and they act rude, put a check mark on the Negative side. Do the same for the positive. When your husband asks 'What do these checks mean?' simply respond by saying 'Oh, I am keeping a chart of how many times in one visit the grandkids are rude or helpful. Isn't it amazing how the rude outweighs the helpful?' If the kids ask about the chart, all you need to say is 'Oh, it's just a tracker your grandfather and I use pertaining to this house'. They don't need to know any more than that. Do not nag. Do not pester. You have said your peace and your husband knows how you feel. If you keep hounding him you will find yourself alone and angry because he will choose his kids and grandkids over you. I guarantee it. Good luck to you but play this one very carefully. I hope you can win and obtain some peace in your home!
Do young Chinese feel resentful that they are expected to support their parents financially?
To be absolutely honest, I used to.Now I don’t anymore.My parents have always bemoaned how “white” I am. It’s true that in my family, I am probably the greatest embodiment of someone who understands and embraces both Western and Eastern upbringing.I used to find it such a pain to have to support my parents financially when I start working – I mean, it’s my money! Why do they deserve a cut of it?However, as I grew up, I considered a few things.Because of my parents, I have absolutely zero student debt and I am able to navigate adulthood on a clean financial slate … at the expense of my Chinese New Year funds and (quite possibly) a huge chunk of their retirement funds.Because of my parents, I don’t have to worry about paying gobsmacking London rent prices, because I’m technically still living at home.Because of my parents, I have had a loving (though not perfect), safe, comfortable childhood and an easy transition to adulthood.Because of my parents, I have been clothed and fed for 22 years without complaint, and I know that if something ever happens to me in the future that would cause me to lose everything I’ve ever had, I will always have a home to crawl back to, tail between my legs, and all my mother would do is clean out my bedroom, make me my favourite dishes for dinner, wash my clothes and take care of me like she always did, and never ask me to move out because I’m ‘old enough’ to live on my own.I owe my parents far more than what I am able to give with my own two hands.I will not be able to repay them even if I lived a thousand lifetimes.So when they grow old, I’m going to make sure they want for nothing. It’s the least I could do, for they’ve given me far more than I deserve.
"To forgive is to cease to feel resentment against. Forgiveness is making peace within ourselves." - Opinions?
This reminds me of a different quotation: "Resentment is letting someone you despise life rent-free in your head." I think forgiveness is a valuable skill for assuring our own peace of mind. Does it mean that we have to forget what the person did to us? No. But it does mean that we are no longer wasting emotional energy on them.