How do you stop loving a person who has hurt you and broken your heart so many times?
I had a mentor in High School, Carl Manna, who gave me the most sage advice on love and heartache when I was 27. My wife had just left me and he told me this:“The pain never goes away. It only gets different.”I sat on his couch, tears in my eyes, a beer in my hands, and a hole in my heart. I didn’t really understand what he meant. He tried to explain it better, but he also let me know that I would understand it much later.After much pondering on it I came to my own analysis: That I wouldn’t just stop loving her. That the pain of her betrayal would never cease to hurt. That memory can not not be painful. Instead, I had to learn to deal with it. You absorb the pain piece by piece, until one day, it no longer pangs on your heart strings (unless you willfully let it). When I look back on those memories of our time together, they’ll be tainted by the memories of our separation, but I also still cherish them.It took me months to get around to understanding this and coming to my own definition of it.Every time someone I know goes through the terrible times of love lost, I let them in on his secret. I won’t give them the regular platitudes of “It gets better with time” or “Just live today, not yesterday” or “Keep keeping on”. I know they want to punch whoever says it in the face.I too, know what looking down the barrel of that gun loaded with dispair feels like. Instead, I just let them know that I can understand some of their pain and give them the same advice.
Why do I miss someone who hurt me?
Well the psychological explanation for this is quite easy. And knowing the exact reason why you miss someone who has hurt you can and will help you to heal better. With that being said, let’s jump right into it.The most fundamental reason why we miss someone or something is that once it made us feel good. Our brain functions in a very different way than we might assume. It’s job is to keep you safe and happy at this particular moment. That is all it does.Now you may think how is it helping me by reminding me of the very person who screwed me over! Isn’t it the very thing that is causing me pain!And to answer that I will have to tell you that Your brain does not know the freaking difference.If you were in a relationship for a long time, (or even if it was short and you were very much attached to that person) then the chances are whenever you were alone, sad, felt hurt, were happy you shared it with that person and they listened to you or supported you that made you feel good. Our brain releases a hormone call Dopamine that makes us feel good. And it is Highly addictive (It is the same hormone that is released when we smoke, drink and do drugs).Now when they have left you, have hurt you, chances are you are feeling lonely, afraid, empty, sad. And guess what you brain is trying to do to make you feel good. Reminding you of the person who was the reason for that sweet sweet dopamine at times like these,hoping it will make you feel good (Interestingly, this can be a reason why people tend to do drugs and consume alcohol after a heartache, it gives your brain the dose of dopamine it is craving for). But as our brain also knows the very fact that they are not in our life anymore, it causes conflicts between what you know, and what your past behavioral patterns are. This causes the feeling of helplessness. As we know we want something, and can’t get it anymore.To change this just change your behavioral patterns. Talk to someone you like when you feel lonely (Like your crush, a friend, your family), Do things you are passionate about, travel, talk. Do anything and everything (Except drugs, if you don’t want to ruin your life) to give your brain the necessary dose of dopamine so it doesn’t crave it from that particular person. And with time, your brain will form new habits, connect your happiness to new things and people, and one day you will wake up and realize that you have moved on.
Why do we (still) love someone who hurt us? ?
I think the answer to this question goes deep. I feel that we love someone even after they hurt us because you have already built that connection with that person. They obviously wasn't doing hurtful things in the beginning or you never would have loved that person. Therefore, a person falls in love with the good they see in that person. Unfortunately people do not always continue to show the good side of themselves. Their faults begin to slowly sneak out and they almost seem to become someone different in your eyes. But the fact still remains that you know that they have good in them. You already seen the good potential that they have as a person. Unfortunately that is what we come to love and that is not always what we get in the end. The answer is: we love someone even after they hurt us because we do not get to choose who we love. We can choose who we stay with and what we are willing to deal with. But we can not choose if we love them or if we don't. Once you have that love, if it is truly love, then you will always love that person. That is how I feel. Good question.
Can you ever completely stop loving someone and have no feelings for them if you did truly love them?
If you truely love someone it will never end may it be in the worst situtions of your life, or the best moments.True love does not have conditions ,restrictions or any limits, its a never ending feeling. It continues also when that relationship does not persist as a relationship and love both are two different things.When you truely love somebody you would neglect there negative aspects. The pain you get out of there presence will be just some temporary negative feelings. When you say true love its when you think that love is unconditional, which also includes not expecting anything in return, Time cannot hinder the feeling of true love, nor situations or places or people or distance. Love is something which is yours and throughly yours its a feeling which completely is personal and stays unaffected by people’s opinions or behaviour or there feelings towards you.If its true love It will never end or Fade, it something which is ever greens and fresh.
What is a good song about still loving someone even though they've hurt you and have moved on?
Oh I'm going through the same thing! Well I was, I'm pretty much over him. Actually, I'll always love him, just like he'll always love me [one thing we can agree on] but if he wants some nasty girl, he can have her because I'm done with him. :) Here are some songs that helped me; Breakeven- The Script [Actually most of their songs helped :) ] All At Once- The Fray Nothing Lasts Forever- Maroon 5 [Definitely one of my favorites, especially the line 'I love you but I'm letting go'] Angel- Jack Johnson [Not what you'd think for a moving on song, I'll explain :) When I listen to this, it makes me think of another boy who is gonna think this song reminds him of me...silly, I know.] Someday- Rob Thomas She Won't Be Lonely Long- Clay Walker [It's country, and I know people are picky about it but it's good.] Glad- Tyler Hilton [Listen to this one, it's my favorite.] Missing You- Tyler Hilton I know it's tough to move on from someone who has already moved on from you, but think of it this way; he's like a fish, and he wasn't big enough, so you've got to unhook him so you can catch the bigger fish out there....because size matters, right? ;) I hope at least one of these will help, and just keep your head up. Be happy; Don't let him see you sad; Have fun, you're single now. :)
Can someone please tell me why Love hurts so much.?
I was married for 16 years and the woman I Love with all my heart just walked out of my life. All I have ever wanted in my life was for someone to Love me. I thought I had found that and then Bam no more . I just set around and cry most of the time
Why do we stay in love with people who hurt us?
I have a pretty good answer for this. I was madly in love with a guy who really really hurt me everyday. And I was in a relationship with him for almost 8 years.He was madly in love with me from the beginning to the end. Crazy love. And because of that I grew crazy in love with him too. But he was an extremely possessive guy. I won't go into details but it just became crazier and crazier and he demanded a lot of crazy things to prove my love for him. I was crazy about him then and I would really do anything to prove my love. He would reciprocate with the craziest things for me as well. It just grew and grew everyday. Keeping up with this became tougher and tougher for me.Everyone around me saw a change in my personality. I was a fiercely independent girl. but towards him I became very dependent. Everyone around me told me to leave him. I couldn't; I was madly in love.One fine day out of the blue I just couldn't do it anymore. I was crazy in love with him even though he was hurting me everyday. Waking up with swollen eyes everyday was tiresome. That day after 8 years I seriously thought there is something wrong with this relationship. I couldn't understand myself. Why do I love a person so deeply who hurts me everyday?I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist. I poured my heart out. I told her something is wrong with me. I told her I didn't want to leave even though my brain says I'm too hurt to keep continuing. What my psychologist said really opened my mind. She said every couple set a pattern to their relationship within the first 6–8 years. It kind of sets a routine of behaviors that's hard to break out of.She told me I could stay in the relationship and keep fighting through this. He and I would need counseling though. OR I could leave the relationship.I did leave the relationship. It was a blur. I still didn't feel like it's happening even when I said it to him.Anyways so the answer to your question is it has nothing to do with love or hurt. It's the PATTERN cycle love then hurt again love then hurt. It's difficult to get out of that similar to any addiction. That's why we stay in it even though we are hurt.