Why do some fathers molest their daughters?
Here's my unconventional two cents...First, know that I have not experienced any sexual traumas, nor engaged in any form of molestation or non-consensual sex. That said, I've closely known many victims and have a 7 year old daughter; the issue is very famiar. The unusual source I've discovered is what is likely a deficiency in social & parenting skills in a father. My mate is very easy to physically sexually excite. It seems that our daughter has inherited this trait. I have to be very aware of how she positions herself whenever she sits on me or I carry her because she will try to rub her pelvis on me inappropriately. Aware of her tendency , I'm able to deny her any opportunity. I've tried to address the problem verbally as well, but it's difficult as a single father, due to the mothers absence and my daughters young age - I'm working on it... My point is that I could see an ignorant father with poor skills allowing the situation to progress unchecked and ultimately get way out of hand.I bring this up because, while still an inexcusable and deplorable act, it is nonetheless occurring in the absence of the malice and mental illness commonly assumed present in their perpetrator.
My sister said she was molested by my father when she was younger. My father has passed away. She wants me to believe her. How do I?
How do you believe her?One possibility is to hear what she said and believe her. It sounds like that might be hard or else you would not be asking the question. Here is what I see as the other option:You can believe that she believes it. That is what is most important, right? She doesn't need to prove anything. Her feelings are valid, either way. It was brave of her to tell you and no doubt she is suffering a lot of distress. Your sister probably needs to hear you tell her it was not her fault and that you love her. That's true, right? No one could possibly do anything to deserve being molested.It would be helpful for her to get counseling--perhaps some sessions for you also, to process this emotional bomb. Either your father molested your sister or for some awful reason, she believes that he has. Both of these are pretty scary possibilities, I think.It is not unknown for parent(s) to have one child in a family who is abused or neglected in some way, while the others are treated differently. Another possibility is that your sister has made a false allegation. This is unusual but not unheard of. Unfortunately, you may have to ask yourself hard questions about why she would do that. It would be better for your sister if you were to believe her until she tells you otherwise. Try and imagine yourself in her shoes and think how you would feel if you told and were not believed.No matter what happens next, your perceptions about your family have changed. Perhaps she would seek counseling if you went to the first session with her.It is not necessary for you to "choose" between your dad or your sister. It is not necessary for you to listen to an account of exactly what happened--a therapist can do that for her. You are allowed to have good boundaries! You can support her by believing her (or believing that she believes it) and helping her find professional support.Something else to think about is that both of you had a different relationship with your father. For some reason known only to him, he may have chosen to molest her but not you. That is another emotional bomb for you to deal with if you choose to believe her. Counseling might be able to help you sort through a lot of confusion and heartache.Good luck.
How do I tell if my father is molesting me or just being “fatherly”?
When I was 6 or 7 years old, my dad just finished bathing me and he suddenly asked me if I have a crush on him. He once took my mom's top off in front of us when we were kids. He also likes beating my brother physically. My parents have been divorced since 2003 but when my siblings and I grew older (around 2008), for some reasons, we are compelled to visit him or see him at the mall every Christmas or summer break ever since then.During the summer in 2011, we went to a mall, and I was already 14 years old at that time. He complimented how my butt looks good and he quickly touched my butt in the public.And one time (I was already 20) we visited him again and I was infront of a laptop and the chair has no back rest, so my dad leaned towards my back and his (private part) rubbing my back and I just froze and couldnt do anything. He then stopped after a few seconds. I havent told my mom or anyone yet. Until now (2018) we still go out as a whole family and eat at goos restaurants and watch in cinemas as if nothing ever happened.I am confused. Did he molest me or is it normal for a father to do that?
Can a daughter forgive her father for molesting her?
No, because she can’t forget being molested? No. Should you forgive him because you are being pressured? No. Forcing forgiveness is being asked to justify the father’s behavior, a point about which few would agree, given that the behavior is sexual assault. If anything, it could induce a false and dangerous sense of guilt in her.Additionally, he may do it again to her or someone else because forgiveness is obligatory. Forgiveness is something we cannot give if others will be in danger or we are being forced. A robber would be free of guilt if all he needed was his victim’s forgiveness for his crimes. And that robber would rob again.The definition of forgive is very limited as such it cannot encompass such crimes. What this father did is unforgivable. To forgive she would have to stop feeling angry or resentful toward him for his offense, flaw, or mistake. Anger is all victims of abuse have to keep from committing harm to themselves.To truly forgive the relationship would have to be repaired, which is impossible. The daughter can never have a normal relationship with him. She can’t trust her children with him or other young females relatives.Can she forgive him? No, she can only absolve herself of guilt and cope. She cannot forgive him in a way that their relationship will be healed. He broke a sacred trust and he is a threat to her self-worth and safety.ReadingAre Some Acts Completely Unforgivable? | Psychology Today Are Some Acts Completely Unforgivable?Forgiveness Therapy and Empathy in Cases of Sexual AbuseTrauma: Incest Incest is a highly damaging form of abuse that most often results in PTSD.
If you knew your husband was molesting your very young daughter, but you went through the divorce courts and a judge ordered your daughter to spend time with him and live with him on weekends as part of the custody ruling, what would you do?
My father is molesting me, I am now 15. My mother caught my dad touching me,that was 2 years ago. My mom got angry, she ask my dad to leave. Since,I'm scared of what's happening, I decided to sleep. Then I woke up in the middle of the night. My dad is holding a knife and my mom is stopping him. I tried to stop him too because he's hurting my Mom. 1 day later,he said he's sorry. We forgave him. 1 week later, he molested me again. I'm not telling my mom because I'm scared. Whenever I refuse him, he gets angry and everynight he's scaring us with a knife. I write what I feel in notebook, that I wanted to die. He saw it, he got angry and slap me, push me,and kick me. So now, we always do what he wanted us to do, because I want to protect my mother and brothers from him. And mom, don't have a gut to leave him, she always leave and rather be with her friends, doing workout, shopping, and drinking. She's not protecting me, even though I'm not telling her now what my father's doing, I sure that she can feel it.