I’ve become really insecure and possessive when my girlfriend talks to other men or goes out to meet them. I trust her and know she won’t betray me. The problem is with me. How do I stop being insecure and possessive with my girlfriend?
Hi Rohan! Firstly I appreciate the honesty with which you've accepted the weakness in your behaviour. (Few guys do that). Your problem is genuine it happens with a lot of people (trust me even girls are very possessive about their girlfriends). The good thing is you want to rectify.Now, coming to the solution. The only way you can overcome this problem is to let go of this sick possessive idea from your mind. And you can do it if you try. At first, look at the bigger picture. You trust her and you know she's not going to betray you. Don't bother yourself if she talks to other guys as long as she's being loyal to you.Secondly, look for reality. Do you really think its possible for her not to make friends with any guys around. In today's date its just not possible. Even you must be having female friends, how do you expect her not making friends with any guys?Thirdly, try to control your mind. The moment you start feeling insecure tell yourself its a mistaken idea. Try to relax yourself and take it casually. Each time try to get a little better. Confess to her that you are letting go of your fault slowly. Tell her again and again that you trust her and are trying your best. Ask her to appreciate you in this. It will really help.And lastly, value her. You already told you guys had had good fight over this issue and still you're together. It means she must have endured various blames knowing the fault is entirely yours. I personally say this, its hard to find such level- headed girls these days. If you guys have good tuning, do not waste this relation. I hope you don't want to lose her just for a sick idea.There is a fine line between protective and insecure. Try not to cross it. If you need any futher help feel free to talk.Good luck. :)
Difference between possessiveness and protection?
I don't think that all other "protective" behaviors are really possessiveness. Sometimes it is, but most times it is simply fear. The dog is afraid and wants the threat to go away. We always see people claiming their dog has protected them from family or friends or a stranger walking down the road, but where was the actual threat? Only in the dog's mind. In Dogs have two choices, fight or flight. When one doesn't work, they will resort to the other. That is why a fearful dog can be more dangerous than an aggressive one. A cornered scared has no other option than to fight, it doesn't mean it was protecting. If a dog feels threatened and goes into fight mode, they bark, growl, snarl, even bite, to attempt to stop the threat. People believe this is the dog trying to protect them. The dog is more likely simply protecting itself. And the problem is, if the threat does not back down or continues to advance, the dog is very much likely to take flight. If the dog is cornered and can't, it may fight until it has the opportunity to run away. A trained protection dog will stay and fight. It is not fighting out of fear or self preservation. They will fight through pretty much anything. As for possessiveness, perhaps it is a little protection. I am interested to hear others thoughts. But again, how far is the dog willing to go to protect it? If the guy trying to take your purse hits you, or pulls out a knife, are you going to keep fighting? I also don't believe a pet will never protect. I simply think that those dogs are not as common as people believe. And the majority of examples I see of people who believe their dog is protecting them are not.
Reason behind my boyfriends possessiveness?
Okay, I'm going to give you an honest answer but like most females in your situation, you aren't going to like the answer. The guy is an abuser. He held himself in check until he had you hooked, then he started to unwind and become himself. He is controlling every aspect of your life, he is a controller and a manipulator, he is a man who has huge anger issues, he is separating you from family and friends and he will keep you under 24-hour watch. They ALWAYS apologize...until they do it again...they do not change...they get WORSE! Females like you eventually become so cowed that you think it's normal and you apologize and work your level best to keep him happy and not angry and prove how loyal you are. He is the one with the issues and they are huge. This is where those abused women come from who go to women's shelters because they sneak out of the house to get away from their emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive men. Physical abuse will be next. He already breaks things. It's only a matter of time until what he breaks is your nose, your jaw, or your ribs. He will bend over backwards to keep you from reporting him to the police and beg your forgiveness and give you jewelry or flowers...until he does it again and this time kicks you after he knocks you down and ruptures a spleen or worse. There is NO way to change this man. The ONLY thing that MUST change is you staying there and trying to please him while he checks your phone, emails, texts, location, how long it takes you to go to the grocery store, and how much gas you put in the car and checks your GPS for where you've been. He's sick and the longer you stay and find excuses for it, the sicker YOU become. http://www.wikihow.com/End-a-Controlling... http://www.acadv.org/abusers.html http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/warning_sign... http://psychcentral.com/lib/why-women-stay-with-controlling-men/0002648 http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/ Your future is up to you. He is toxic and nothing will get better. Best of luck!
I was a possessive boy friend, and I hurt my girlfriend. We are on a break now. How I can change myself and win her heart back again?
Changing oneself in more than just a "self deluded new belief way"" is usually hard work, or comes from a momentous event that changes you. You need to get to the root causes so you can recognise the source of the feelings and resultant behaviors as they emerge, recontextualise them as arising becuase of what ever it is that has caused them and start processing socially in a different way. The reality is that you probably can't win her back again, as she will have learn't (hopefully) that boys that dominate are rubbish companions. If you can actually work out why you are drawn to unnecessarily dominate, and slowly change that pattern, you will be a changed person, and most likely will be keen to form a new healthier relationship with someone else. Some broke things just cant be fixed, its like trying to unbeat an egg. The fact that you recognise the need to change is an excellent start. Don't waste it, and fall back into crappy patterns.
Are most Capricorn people this egotistically jealous and unsupportive?
This guy I used to be friends with, close Friends with is always trying to bring me down. Ive noticed, anytime I'm in the midsts of dating someone he adds his unwarranted opinion basically being condescending and trying to make me feel bad saying that because of my issues i shouldn't be aloud to date. Nobody asked him for his input.. at all. I know myself better than anyone else does. Sure I have some issues, but I work through it day-to-day, and Its not affecting me unless I let it. Why does he ALWAYS try to bring me down whenever someone else is interested in dating me? Always tries to make me feel bad, always tries to guilt trip me into exaggerating my issues so that I could feel inferior to him and not date anybody?! Why would I let my "issues" stand in my way of anything!!! He's a Capricorn btw and I am so sick of this disgusting thing that he always does. It's like he does it to feel superior. The issues that I have are trust issues from my past. How on earth am I supposed to learn toopen up, share my feelings with people and well just take risks and trust people if I let it hold me back? I have to open up, experience, pain and hurt and know that it's okay that these are normal human emotions, to feel hurt sometimes instead of running away all the time. So what's his problem!?
Why are humans so possessive?
Hi Cara and thanks for the A2A :)I am not sure why people get possessive (personally I am for freedom and independence, so rather the opposite of possessiveness), but I guess there will be many different reasons, depending also on what are they possessive of.If we talk about being possessive of other people, then I guess one reason would be lack of confidence, insecurity and anxiety, fear of being lonely. For example many woman who get married rather young, in their early twenties or earlier, often are possessive of their husbands, the older they get the more possessive they become. They do not have much experience on their own and therefore fear develops in them. Usually, most of their lives their husband looked after them and… They are actually petrified that without him they will not be able to survive, they wouldn’t even know what to do with their lives if the husband wasn’t around (though this is often subconscious fear). They don’t love their husbands, they just own them (fear is the opposite of love).In other cases experiences from childhood may effect us. If a child loses one or both of their parents, or for whatever reason doesn’t experience parental love and affection, and struggles emotionally without receiving any help, this might effect his or hers entire life. If as children they felt unloved and unwanted, and later in adult life they find someone who loves them and accepts them, they are scared of loosing it. They want to be loved and adored and… out of fear of losing the love they become possessive.This is all what comes to my mind at the moment. Possessive people are very draining and tiring, therefore I avoid them and as result I do not have much experience in this area. I am sure that trained psychologists would have many more reasons and explanations for this behavior.All the best :)
Why are cheating boyfriends always over-possessive and jealous?
My experience has been that they are afraid you will do the same thing to them so they are constantly in your face or in your shit. Heaven forbid they look like a fool after making you look like one. Dicks. Plus that way you won't have a chance to find out what they are doing OR they will know if/when you discover anything so they can have their cover story / lies on the ready. It's exhausting and insulting.Peace.
I'm afraid of my best friend replacing me.... Help please!?
Ok so me and my best friend are 18 and we r seniors. We go to different schools. We've been close for a while but have had our ups and downs. She's recently gotten close to this one girl Ashley. This past summer she was with her all day everyday. She'd come hang out with me for a couple hours and then she'd go to Ashley's house and spend the rest of the day with her plus sleepover. They are neighbors so that is her excuse as to why she's always with her. But either way I live only 10 minutes away. But anyways I tried to be nice and calm so I asked her to introduce me to Ashley so that we could all be friends. She kept on putting it off so I eventually just stopped asking. Now that school year has started, Ashley will give her rides to and from school. They will be at each other's house after school till 8 or 9 and on top of that they have a class together. I'm trying not to be jealous or possessive but it's just so hard when I see how much they r together and she is only good a contacting me through cell SOMETIMES. And I keep on having dreams/ visions (strong daydreams) of her basically just going off with her. She's a year younger then us but she's very hyper and funny and always wants to party so who wouldn't want to be around someone like that? I am reserved and I party to but it's hard for me to be funny and loud at times. I'm just afraid honestly.. And I will be driving soon so I could visit her more but it should be her putting effort also ya know? Please help! :(