The bible and Spanking Children?
My Future Husband wants to spank the Children...Im against spanking. It says in the bible that your child will be spoiled if you don't spank him/her. In different terms of course, but the general meaning. Now, I was VERY abused as a child, I never ever wanted to even spank my kids at all. I know there is spanking, and there is beating...but at the same time, I don't want any physical violence of any sort in my home, and I wouldn't want my chilren going to school and hitting other children because its "Ok for mommy and daddy to spank me" Now, the person I want to spend the rest of my life with (we aren't married, we are still courting but I already know) Anyways, he feels that a child should be spanked. Some veiws or bible back ups?
How does hitting your child when they are young affect them when they are older?
That depends on the child, if it is only as dicipline or abuse and how severe the dicipline or abuse was. I do not believe a smack behind the head that simply gets their attention or a paddle, even a belt on the butt just that it stings would have a lasting negative effect on most. If it was fairly frequent like several times a day they yes it would. At this point I believe it is clear it is not working and another method is in need.For most though, immediate or eminent action, controlled and not in anger, consistent and clearly understood why is like being injured while playing or doing something stupid. If not severe, no notable injury is inflicted but a memory of the event and result is established. Cause and effect, you do this and this happens as a result. On our own, more severe injuries can and do happen while playing or being stupid, especially when boys are concerned.We test our limits and each others and in my case, if pain was not involved, it simply was not noteworthy or entertaining enough. Compared to my injuries almost daily, the beatings I got almost daily from my stepfather were nothing and his beatings were for nothing, only because he drank and came home angry. This was not dicipline, this was abuse until he broke his arm twice trying to catch me, it then stopped.Karmas a bitch, I myself have no lasting effects from him except not to repeat it with my own children. Some children are more sensitive and may have lasting effects though, even controlled dicipline may be too much. These kids are not usual though, they clearly have insecurities or mental, emotional or physical issues making it difficult for them to process the simplicities of cause and effect as most living things learn by.The majority I feel are not scared by controlled dicipline but may be if it is not controlled, severe, too often making it abuse and not simply dicipline. This would likely scare many, to what extent is subjective but kids often emulate their parents.
When people say that when you spank children, you only teach them that violence is okay...?
... where do they get their information? Case in point, I have a niece who is now eighteen years of age. Her mother never laid a hand on her, opting for time outs and other more "gentle" forms of discipline. By the time my niece was eight, she was already throwing punches at her mother. By the time she turned eighteen, she was already in trouble with the law for violent acts. On the other hand, I have four sisters and one brother. Each and every one of us have got our fair share of spankings, including myself. Not one of us have ever raised a fist towards our mother or father. None of us have ever been in trouble with the law. All of us hold our parents very dear in our hearts. In fact, although I am not a strict pacifist, any fight I've ever been in has been one of self-defense rather than one of aggression. So, where's this coming from? I'm sure my family is not the exception to the rule.
Do you think hitting a child with a belt is acceptable behavior for a parent?
As with all other parenting issues, the parents must know themselves, and also know their children. For some, this is perfectly fine, leaves no psychological trauma, and effectively deters the kid from doing that behavior again. Other times, it leaves the parents traumatized, or the kid traumatized, or it doesn't work at all… in such instances the clear answer is no. In a broader view, different cultures will have different views on this topic. In my experience, suburban, college-educated white parents would be least likely to do this. (This is abuse! Hearts and bodies must be safe!), whereas I know plenty of immigrant, college-educated parents from China or Taiwan for whom corporal punishment is the default punishment, though we would *never* send a kid to bed without supper (food is love! Hunger is abuse!)Generally, I don't think any punishment should cause actual injury. But if you're looking for a condemnation of corporal punishment, I'd say sure, it sucks. No one wants to hit their kid. But if this is the tenth time your kid has run through a parking lot and you've already tried timeouts, taking away the electronics, reasoning, rewarding, etc., I'd say a swat on the butt is preferable over a dead child any day.Bottom line: I'm not about to judge some parents' actions without walking a mile in their shoes. Parenting is hard.
Is violence the best way to discipline a child?
No, violence is not the best way to discipline a child. However, to be clear, I think it’s best to ignore the emotive word “violence” and make clear that spanking, slapping, pinching or otherwise inflicting pain on children as punishment is not a good method of discipline. It’s the lazy or angry parents’ response to frustration. Parents can rationalize their failures, but inflicting pain on a child to control his behavior is always a failure.Punishment in general is a poor basis for disciplining a child. Punishment is not synonymous with discipline, which means to teach. The best discipline systems focus on reinforcing good behavior and training a child to internalize a moral code and adopt an ethical code.