kay everyone I have a question about my marriage

Is marriage for everyone?

No, it isn't meant for everyone. Marriage is a union of two people promising to be together through every hardship of life and support each other in every possible way. Guide each other in best ways and love each other despite of the imperfections.

Not everyone can survive in marriage and I think its completely okay. Even if you don't want to try, it's completely fine. It's your choice because no one knows what you want better than yourself. You want to achieve heights without having any strings attached, or want to explore the world alone or even want to sit at home and read peacefully.Its your choice. People marry because they find someone with whom they can spend rest of their lives with. Some people never find them, some people are not willing to give it all in to the other person, some people have commitment issues.

And the end only thing that matters is your happiness and what you want. Marriage isn't for everyone but for the ones who want it.

Should marriage be equal for everyone?

This is a weird way to look at marriage. I think all, of a legal age have access to it, oh yes, perhaps this fight about same sex, but it is here in many places, but yes all, who so desire to wed should be granted permission, and who living in a glass house should cast the first stone?

To me, however, I don't believe people should be allowed to wed, who are in it for the money. Marriage should be about love. But, this rationale happens because no one has money anymore and the fat cats have their pick of the litter. It makes a case for corruption. Marriage is screwed. Beauty drives it too, that temporary cape of youth. It should be about values and soul twins. I met a man, for example, who does about the same thing I do each day. He’s a writer and artist, now why isn't there a female version? He is what I think of, but I did have a female twin once and I complained about her physique, said when she was on top, her wrestling body nearly separated my hips from my upper body and she wanted a dozen. I had a friend once in Hawaii with a Hawaiian woman. They had four, five? I can't remember, but there he was on the street with a jack hammer one day and then dead the next. Marriage is a hard one. My father died when I was ten and left my mother with my sister and me. I think at least marriage should consist permanently of two parents. They need to be equals and the state should work the world so that families can survive and thrive! I am still screwed up. I can't get and keep a woman anymore. I am apparently unequal to any woman I adore. I am the guy in an empty parking lot. All the stores are closed.

Yes, I am still looking. I want my equal. Someone please help me! No one should be without one.

Does everyone need to get married? Are you afraid of marriage?

I think that people should do what works for them. Not everyone would be happy in a traditional marriage, and it would be terrible for those people to do something because they thought it was what they were supposed to do.

I did not get married until I was thirty-five. I was content with never getting married until I met the man who would become my husband.  I don't have any desire to imagine my life without him. When/if you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with,  your perspective changes somewhat.

I do want to point out that I an in no way suggesting that there is a magical connection that will effortlessly link two people together direct if they truly right for each other.

Marriage takes work and commitment, just like everything else worth having. You will want to develop it, nurture it, and protect it. This means learning when not to argue, when to stand your ground, when to apologize, and when to accept apologies (which would be almost always).  Marriage changes people, so it isn't for everyone. The key is not making decisions based on external influences or biological yearnings alone.

I was never afraid of marriage, but I was wary of the overly-romantic notions of it. If I had made any of my earlier relationships marital ones, I am certain that they would have been fairly unhappy and short lived ones.

Do you feel your marriage has equal give and take, but you seem to give up more?

Equal give and take is an evil notion dressed in sheep's clothing.

If you are looking for equal give and take, I guarantee your marriage will fail.

What you perceive you give and what your partner perceives he or she gets will always be different and in most cases, the one receiving is going to perceive they received less than what the giver perceives they gave.

So the receiver than gives back according to what they perceived they received. The original giver is then going to perceive that what they received was less.

And this spirals into a terrible marriage.

The thing is that you and your spouse are not equal beings. You will be good at some things and your spouse at others. It is comparing apples and oranges. Apples and Oranges are both great fruits, but whatever they are, they are not equal. One can try to expect their spouse to provide equally, but that presumption will be wrong. One is always going to give more than the other.

So what to do? You be the best you you can be. You be the best lover you can be.

Don’t ask what your lover will do for you. Ask what you can do for your lover. This will stop the downward spiral and reverse it. You will be a better person and a better spouse and chances are great that your spouse will be better as well.

I’ve don’t my marriage both ways. Not asking what your partner does for you can seem completely unfair, but it leads to the best outcomes.

What should I do if I am not happy with my marriage?

You have not stated as in why you dislike the guy and his family. But from what I inferred, you have the following choices:

1. Highly Recommend-Let the guy and his family know what's troubling you. Request them to consider changing there behavior towards you. With that, bring change in yourself too. Look for the positives in the guy and his family. See if you can change/improve your views about them. There is nothing which could not be sought out. Communicate your feelings to your husband and seek his support and help to overcome with the issues you have.

2. Tell your family about the issue and let them know that you can't live with the guy and want divorce. If you are firm to leave your husband, nobody can stop you. Although, after divorce life will supposedly bring more problems to you.

3. Not recommended-Live in the same condition, don't tell anybody about it. Keep your self isolated and don't share the reason for your sadness no matter how much someone try to help you out. One fine day out of high frustration, you might end your life leaving behind your family, husband, kids in sorrow.

Most of all, know what you want. Do you want a happy married life? or Just want to leave your husband and start a new life? or You aren't even sure what you wish for?

How do you know when to leave your marriage?

I don't know if this answers precisely your question but that's been my way to STILL be married after 10 years (I know is not much for some of you…)

Everytime we are in a very shitty moment …i give myself 48 hour….i tell myself “if in 48 hours you are still of the same opinion…then you've got the green light…” don't take decisions, don't say nothing to your wife…there is only 2 places where is wise to keep your mouth shut: under water and when you are angry… (just ask her politely to take a break…dont mention the 48 hours deadline…that would piss her off beyond believe…)

My personal record was 8 hours…i never managed to stay angry at her longer than that… and we are talking about heavy stuff (not cheating though…for that I have a 30 seconds deadline!!)

This is my little hack…and I can only attribute it to this if I am still married…because when the shit hits the fan…is impossible to remember all the nice moments spent together…but again every case is very different…there could be kids involved

Remember the 48 hours rule you were telling about above…well it seems that when you are in panic doesn't fucking work well he has too now because that is all you got pal!!

Ok, ok, stop writing and get your breathing under control...

I got up an started to walk around the room, got some m&ms and started to munch away…seems to work, I feel better…

What are the pros and cons of arranged marriages?

Till ‘love’ exists in between ‘I’ & ‘You’, any marraige is good. As the question is to explore arranged marriage,

Pros:

You start a relationship with all your family around. Everyone around & blessing you gives a great mental support.
You start relationship with a person where the courtship period is included with social legitimacy, hence the fear and uncertainty factors does not occupy your mind and thoughts.
You start your relationship with a lot of unknown element. This adds flavour to your togetherness. You gradually discover a lot in each other. So you apply yourself much more. You want to be favourite of your partner. This adds longevity to the relationship.
You both grow up together in understanding the married life and it’s various aspects. The sweet and sour moments comes to you as surprises and adds colour to your life.
The physical part of love, which is mighty important and gives you the feeling of intimacy which binds you for long, it enters without any second thought of any ‘if right’ or ‘if wrong’.
The plans you develop together for future are always based on the reality as they are post the union and after knowing each other as husband wife.

Cons

If the partner turns out to be bad in any aspect, it becomes difficult to move out or take any corrective action. Considering this risk, knowing your partner in advance helps you.

In love marraiges, everything becomes so known, familiar & stale that you are only left to discover the bad things about your partner. Your partner already expressed his or her best to woo you long back. As a husband or wife you find yourself a bit taken for granted. The drive to be your favourite dies very quickly in your partner. Girls as wife does not find the same attention as they use to get as girlfriend. Men finds a bit less regarded as husband. Both starts feeling deprived and looks for greener pastures.

Is it okay to not want to get married? Why?

It is perfectly fine. Look at the statistics. Pretty good odds that it won't last. It is expensive to get out of also. I was married for 28 years. Things and people change. There is nobody in the world you cannot live without, might be some you don't want to live without but you can. So if you are afraid of being alone, or worried what others think about you being single then find someone. Then find out what is wrong with you that you care so much what others think. If you think you should get married so you have someone to take care of you when you are old, well you are very selfish and foolish to believe that always happens. If you feel the need to marry and have a family, take a good, honest look unemotionally at the world around you: over population is real, resources are limited, the earth is polluted and toxic, there are abductions, murders, school shootings, child molesters, road rage, priests and doctors and teachers raping and molesting kids, terrorists, climate change, debt, natural disasters, in the United States corruption in the government, wars, disease etc. Why would anyone intentionally bring a person into this world today. Even if the child avoids the trauma they are born to die at some point. That is what they have to look forward too. At total loss of dignity and helpless to do anything while waiting to die, which can be terrifying, painful, and demoralizing. Life is a struggle in almost every case and ends sadly with humiliation. Who would subject someone to it on purpose? It is absolutely fine not to get married and make another human obliged to you.