I'm letting my insecurities get the best of me?
I have this thing with my ex boyfriend again, but the problem is, I moved to another city, so it's basically like a long distance relationship. We aren't going out yet but if you didn't know us and saw how we talk to each other and stuff like that, you would think that we are. I love him very much and he tells me he loves me, too. Anyways, I am extremely self conscious and have probably the worst self esteem. His ex-girlfriend (who he loved very much and who comes off as the perfect girl) is EVERYTHING that i'm not. She's short, perfect body, perfect face, perfect personality, she's outgoing, talkative, fun, while I on the other hand am the opposite. I'm tall, Latina (so I have curves and a little extra fat, and HUGE hips), shy, quiet, and pretty boring in my opinion. I compare myself to her everyday and just feel worse and worse about myself. My guy told me he doesn't care about her anymore and all that stuff, but I still can't help but feel so jealous. One of the things that bugs me the most is that I'm tall. I'm growing more, I'm about 5'8 now, and I think I'm a little taller than my ex now. It's awkward! Anyways, the next time I get to see my love is during the summer. We have all these plans to be with each other and I really want to look different and better when I see him again. I know he's working out a lot more because he wants me to be impressed with his body or something, and I want him to be impressed with mine, too. I've already started working out, I do cardio and weights everyday, but I'm gaining more muscle instead of losing weight. I have huge hips and love handles and I want to know what exercise you could use to get rid of the love handles. He said that when he sees me again he wants to pick me up and hug me and all that, like a movie, but I'm scared I might be too heavy for him to pick up. I just want to be the perfect girl for him. Help? SORRY THIS IS LONG. Can't sum it up. If you're not going to read it all, then don't answer it. Thanks :) Post a link to your question so I can help YOU!
How do I stop letting my emotions get the best of me?
There’s really no way around this. You just stop. Sounds simple, but of course it isn’t. You need to make a conscious effort to monitor yourself, and when the emotions start to build, you stop yourself. Find ways to interrupt what you’re doing, what you’re about to say. Walk away. Stand on your head, Dance. Go for a run. Splash water on your face. Take yourself out of the situation. What you’re doing is unlearning an immature and programmed response to whatever stimulus is causing these emotions. You’re not helpless. You can take control. You know you’re doing something you find bothersome and wrong. So stop it. Start treating others as you would like to be treated. Create space to gain the control you need. In time this will become more and more automatic.With respect to becoming sad, again, this is a learned response that you’ll have to unlearn. You are getting stuck in a cycle of thoughts and beliefs and expectations about the world that are distorted and false. You’ll have to learn to identify these and again interrupt the narrative that goes through your brain reinforcing all of the negativity. You’re almost certainly focusing on things you’ve lost and things you think you lack, rather than on what’s in your life right now right here in the present moment. You’re likely feeling sorry for yourself as well as judging yourself harshly, much more than you’d likely judge someone else. This is all unfortunate crap you’ve learned over time. Now that you’re aware of it, you can choose to unlearn it. It will take time, work, and would be easier if you had a therapist to help you, who can give you the techniques and strategies to be more mindful and to replace the distorted, unreal thoughts and beliefs with real ones.Your fear of failure is also related. It stems from a belief that if you fail, something horrible will befall you, and you’ll be seen as a bad person, a loser, a _______(you can fill in the blank with whatever words you use against yourself). The only people who never fail (although they fail in the biggest way possible) are those who don’t try, who don’t push themselves, who don’t adventure, who don’t risk. You can also unlearn this and learn to be more confident as well as seeing that failure is not an end but simply a part of the process. It ultimately doesn’t even matter.You can choose to stay in this miserable state you’re in, or you can choose to take action to improve your life. Either way, own the choice.
How can u stop letting fear control you life ?
The way I stopped this was simple:Do the things that you fear. At the time it's not easy to do at all...but I have gotten over a lot of things this way....and it makes you feel like you've accomplished something great. There's no easy way to do this but when you think about it,do you want to look back in life and regret it because you could've done so much more if only fear hadn't controlled you? Take it from me.. you don't want that.
How do you get past the fear that stops you from really letting yourself go when you write?
It’s different for every writer. For me, I was afraid of not writing something perfect. But, no book is going to be perfect, and it took me a while to realize that.If you don’t feel comfortable letting someone else read your writing, don’t. There is nothing wrong with waiting till you’re ready for someone to read your writing (but keep in mind that you’ll only get a lot better if you have others read your writing).Write anything you want. I hardly ever tell myself ‘you need to write in Story A’ if I don’t want to. If I want to write in Story B or start Story C then I will. Forcing yourself to write in a story will cause for foul, sour writing (again, keep in mind that you do need to make yourself write at least every other day in order to get better). Don’t feel like you need to write dystopian or fantasy just because so many other people do, if you want to write a story that takes place in 2011 or 70BC there is only yourself stopping you.“Write about what really interests you, whether it is real things or imaginary things, and nothing else.” - C.S. Lewis.C.S Lewis (and countless other great authors agree, including J.R.R. Tolkien) says,“When you give up a bit of work don’t (unless it is hopelessly bad) throw it away. Put it in a drawer. It may come in useful later. Much of my best work, or what I think my best, is the re-writing of things begun and abandoned years earlier.”So don’t throw away your writing!A summary:Wait until you’re comfortable for people to read your writingWrite about what you want to write about.Keep your old and seemingly hopeless writing, it may come in handy.
Why do I let my insecurity get the best of me?
Ask yourself what you gain from it. There is some belief you have that is a safety mechanism. It’s false. But you have accepted it. I don’t really know about insecurity but I know about other forms of self-sabotage, like laziness, addictions, and anger. Fear is the root of all of them. The behaviour is a result of the fear. So what do you really fear? How is your habit attempting to protect you from that?
Does your fear hold you back?
I been told all my life there is something about me that's different from other people and that i have strong abilities that the world would love to see...but im too afraid to reveal myself and stand out. like for instance... ( im not trying to brag or anything so plz dont get me wrong ) Im an athletic girl. 5'7, 125 pounds and am 15. I can run 1/2 a mile in 3.38 minutes and if i truely pushed myself to run faster then prob. around three minutes i could run half a mile. I been told to join track and that id be awesome at it but i'm scared to compete. i might have the ability but not the confidence in myself and the courage to face others. I grew up with a strong athletic ability but never played sports so i'm scared when " testing " my ability against others even if obviously i could beat them. I see people who are fatter then me play sports and I look up to them..not to their sports ability but to their courage to get out there and compete. also I have a strong connection to music and acting but dont have courage to take upon that either. i have abilities i wish to show but i fear being " not good enough " or " failing" I dont like the feeling of being depended on cuzz im afraid i'd let the person or team down :( help me! :(
How Do I Overcome My Fear Of Driving?
I would say its best to face your fears. Get someone who knows how to drive with and get in the car. try to be in an empty parking lot or somewhere where theres not many things to get in the way. start out by slowly stepping on the peddle, or before you turn on the car, just get used to sitting in it, and putting your hands around the steering wheel or however. be patient if you like and when you feel you're ready. turn on the car and start to drive. also watch the other driver show you how its done in case you're not sure about something. make sure to have that person supervise on what you're doing. if you let your fear overcome you, you won't get anywhere.