How old were you when you had your first child?
I adopted my first child at age 34. I gave birth for the first time to my second child at almost 36. I would've liked it to have been about 5-7 years earlier, but that's the way it happened.As a mom on the lower end of older , I think the fact that I was married for 10 years before I had kids had advantages and disadvantages. I didn't have to get used to a new marraige at the same time as my parents. I have an established career, 2 college degrees. I have parents at my kids school who I could possibly be their parent. They are doing a darn good job, but they are juggling more than me. Plus I sense they are intimidated by older parents who are really accomplished in their careers, and don't speak up at PTO as much.I have less energy. So does my husband.My kids don't have any cousins their age, our holiday gatherings are not the raucous events they were my nieces or nephews were young. My kids get more adult attention, but they don't need more of that lol.Being over 35 automatically classifies you as high risk. I did have a high risk, life threatening pregnancy.I don't want more kids , but I also can't, unless I adopt again. But I grew up with 3 siblings, my kids just have each other. I feel like my kids rely way too much in my husband and I playing with them. My mom was a great mom, but she wasn't my playmate. My brother is only 5 years older than me but has a son who is 24, a daughter 22, and a 17 year old. He'll turn 50 next year. When I'm 50, kids will both be in high school. My mom and dad had 4 kids by the time they were 29 and 32. They were still working when they had their first grandchild.
Why would a birth mother not want to be reunited with the child she gave up for adoption?
I can answer as a birth mother. I had a daughter in 1967 and a son in 1968. I gave them both up for adoption because I was not ready to be a mother. I thought sex equaled love and I was looking for love. I found out too late that I was wrong. I was too immature to raise a child, not financially able to raise a child and I had no clue what to do about it. I decided to give my children up for adoption because it was the best option for them.My daughter was adopted by friends of a friend so I knew her name and that the couple would be returning to Chicago from CA, where the man was stationed in the Army. After about 40 years I decided to try to see if she was on Facebook. I found her there and sent her an e-mail telling her about me and the situation and that if she wanted to contact me it is OK. I would give her the health information about my family if she needed it.I turned out that she was never told she was adopted. She always knew she was different from her parents. They had dark straight hair; she had reddish curly hair. There were other hints as well. So it was pretty much a shock to her to hear about me. I left it up to her what contact we would have because I didn’t want to make her life hard for her. We keep in touch infrequently by Facebook. It turns out she likes a lot of the same things that I do and that is a thrill for me.She seems to be very happy in her life and I don’t want to make waves for her so I don’t push for any other contact with her. I don’t want to make her life difficult just so I can ease my conscience. I feel I did the right thing by allowing this couple who couldn’t have a child a child naturally take mine.My son was adopted through an agency so I know nothing about him at all. I sometimes think about contacting the agency, but I don’t think they are open anymore. Then I think that I might be the same situation; that he may not have been told he was adopted and I don’t want to make it difficult for him. I know I gave him more of an opportunity to be raised better and always hope that was the case, but I doubt that I will ever know for sure. And I am OK with that.EDIT: My son contacted me last week and he is very glad that he was brought up by the people who adopted him. Yay! Two for two.
How old was your baby the first time you went away for the weekend?
I'm a work at home mom so I spend all my time with the kids. I have a five year old son and a 13 month old daughter, and I've been staying home since my daughter was born. My birthday is this week and my husband wants to take me away for the weekend without the kids. I think quality time with my husband and a short break from the kids will be good but I'm starting to get nervous. I've never gone more than a few hours without my daughter and am wondering if missing her will dampen the romantic mood of the weekend. My son is older and goes on sleepovers and weekend camping trips with his uncles so I'm more comfortable being away from him since he's a little older. My mom and sister will be watching the kids and I trust them completely so that isn't an issue. I'm just wondering if I'm a little crazy or if these feelings are normal. I really want to do this but don't want to be miserable because I'm home sick for my kids. I guess I just need a little support and advice. How old was your little one the first time you went away? How long were you gone? How did you do being away for the first tiime? Any advice or suggestions?
Did you cry while dropping your kid off for his/her first day of school?
I remember as a little girl, my mother dropping off me and my brother for our first day of school. I cried pretty continuously and my mom did, too. She kept trying to get me to walk into the school with my new teacher and I just could not stop sobbing. I kinda thought I wasn't going to see her again for some reason. My brother didn't cry at all, look a little confused at our display...
When should a child move out of their parents’ house?
By answering this question I’m gonna assume your between the age of 18–25?I believe there is stigma in America for moving out at 18. False.You should move out of your parents house when you feel ready to move out.But that’s the tough part.When you feel ready doesn’t mean waiting till 36 and feeling like now is the good time. Feeling ready is when you have some-what of a stable income and can provide for yourself (for the most part).Moving out when you feel ready does not mean leaving when you have a long period of feeling comfortable. I suggest leaving home the moment before you begin getting too comfortable.I personally believe the sooner you can financially leave the better for two particular reasons:You’ll learn to become more independent.You’ll taste the real-world and be consumed by daily challenges.My kids technically moved out at age 17/18 for college, but they moved back in after school and stayed still they were between 22 to 26 (I have 5 kids).My husband and I didn’t put any pressure on them, but we made sure they found a job, and started saving some sort of income so that when they were ready to move on, they’d be able to.BUT…If your not going to college and simply want to “grind” and work 24/7, you get a long with your parents, and you don’t feel restricted living at home, then by all means, stay at home till when ever.You’ll save a TON of money that you could be spending on more important things, like your first house!Once you have a sufficient amount of income saved, rent an apartment. This could be at age 23 or even 27. It all depends on the situation.
Mom's who spend every waking moment with your children?
Ok so I am a stay at home mom to a 16 month old and I have never been more than 5 hours away from her since she was born. Well in about 3 weeks we are making a big moving trip for example: Florida to California Well our U Haul only has 2 seats so the plan was to fly with my daughter and drop her off at our destination to stay with my mom (which is where we are moving to) and then fly back and help my husband drive. so i will go a good 2 days not seeing my daughter and i just feel like im going to have anxiety issues or freak outs or something LOL do you have any advice on how to cope with not being around her? I mean im one of those moms who STILL check on her some nights to see if she is breathing and she is a toddler! ha ha. Please any advice would greatly help im already soo nervous.. also if i might add my mother is the only one i completely trust to watch my daughter so i have no worries about her being in bad hands.
What is the best response to a child who calls his/her mom a ‘bitch’ for the first first time?
I feel that all of these answers are inadequate, inappropriate, archaic, and moronic. In my experience, as a child, striking me not only validated my belief in the cruelty and inequality I felt at home, but pissed me off even more. Thus, I lashed out more.A good PERSON (not just parents) seeks to understand WHY something happened, not to "just fix it". If your child called you a bitch, YOU did something to make them feel that way, likely in response to something your child did. Understand the root cause of the issue, and ensure that your child understands it as well.My mother and I had a very rocky start, and it wasn't until I left home for seven years that we were able to overcome that... Through understanding. Understanding each others lives, beliefs, mentality, and reasoning. When she gets upset, I don't hit her, I ask what's wrong.Children are people, too, and they develop based on their experiences. The mentality of striking your child is what LEADS to child abuse... From your children. It leads to bullying, to aggression, rebellion, and hatred. If you treat children like objects, like a slave, or even like they're too stupid to understand you, you are planting the seeds of bigotry, hate, disrespect, and violence in them.I raised my brother more than my parents did, and never hit him except to teach him how to defend himself against the children of those who engender such behavior. He is now in AP classes in a college preparatory high school, never starts (legitimate) trouble, and is very respectful. Only time he's cursed around us was at a video game that gave him trouble, and our response was to let him consider what he thought might be an appropriate punishment. When he had thought for a minute, Mom responded. "Everything you just thought of...? Any of that could be what happens next time." Never did it again. He's an A student who gets along better with adults than children due to his maturity, and has never been struck as a punishment.Fools seek to engender fear in others, whereas the wise seek to understand then instead.
What is the effect on a 4 month old baby boy who is left to be taken care by his grandmother? My baby boy will be living about 200 km away from me. Should I send my baby away to live with my mother?
I can only answer from a slight experience. My first baby was raised by my husband, my sister for the first crucial year while I worked hard and held two jobs. At age two she was raised partially by husband's two sisters for a few months. I was the main breadwinner in the first year so that's how it worked but the difference is that I would go home daily. How did it affect my relationship with my baby?Well… she wouldn't come to me for comfort since all she knew were her daddy and my sister. I said, “okay.. That's fine.. I will keep trying.”At night she wouldn't cuddle with me if she was awake but I would wrap my arms around her once she slept and I'd lay crying.. Feeling like a bad mom and resented it all. My daughter now is 4 years old And loves me but after being able to stay home after she was 2 years old, it has been such a work in progress. I discovered a stunted developmental growth at age 2 that worried me but was told I was overrreacting. Turns out my sister in laws would plop my baby in front of the tv for hours and just leave her there with a box of nuggets. This is the root of her having a speech delay since nobody bothered to interact with her little mind. My daughter has made amazing improvements in the last two years I've been able to raise her but its been very stressful and I've felt guilty. The first two years for me.. I suffered from post partum depression horribly, I would wonder if I was even a good mom for having to do what I needed. My husband was very supportive but it was stressful for him too.So.. In a nutshell. If you HAVE to leave your baby, talk to your mother and make sure she is willing. Make sure to cAll nightly so baby hears your voice as well. Leave shirts behind that smell of you so baby knows you when you go visit. But first and foremost, make peace with the fact that you will be missing many milestones which you can't get back… it helps to have recordings.I've come a long way from ugly crying myself to sleep over not seeing my baby girl roll on her tummy, say her first word, crawl… but At least I have videos. It helps that my husband and sister tell me that if it wasn't for me being such a selfless mom, my baby wouldn't of had food to eat, a home or other crucial things. Coming home and seeing that baby bump out of her seat and climb into my arms would give me the strength to do it all over again for her the next day.Best of luck in your journey.