My sister said she was molested by my father when she was younger. My father has passed away. She wants me to believe her. How do I?
How do you believe her?One possibility is to hear what she said and believe her. It sounds like that might be hard or else you would not be asking the question. Here is what I see as the other option:You can believe that she believes it. That is what is most important, right? She doesn't need to prove anything. Her feelings are valid, either way. It was brave of her to tell you and no doubt she is suffering a lot of distress. Your sister probably needs to hear you tell her it was not her fault and that you love her. That's true, right? No one could possibly do anything to deserve being molested.It would be helpful for her to get counseling--perhaps some sessions for you also, to process this emotional bomb. Either your father molested your sister or for some awful reason, she believes that he has. Both of these are pretty scary possibilities, I think.It is not unknown for parent(s) to have one child in a family who is abused or neglected in some way, while the others are treated differently. Another possibility is that your sister has made a false allegation. This is unusual but not unheard of. Unfortunately, you may have to ask yourself hard questions about why she would do that. It would be better for your sister if you were to believe her until she tells you otherwise. Try and imagine yourself in her shoes and think how you would feel if you told and were not believed.No matter what happens next, your perceptions about your family have changed. Perhaps she would seek counseling if you went to the first session with her.It is not necessary for you to "choose" between your dad or your sister. It is not necessary for you to listen to an account of exactly what happened--a therapist can do that for her. You are allowed to have good boundaries! You can support her by believing her (or believing that she believes it) and helping her find professional support.Something else to think about is that both of you had a different relationship with your father. For some reason known only to him, he may have chosen to molest her but not you. That is another emotional bomb for you to deal with if you choose to believe her. Counseling might be able to help you sort through a lot of confusion and heartache.Good luck.
My brother molested my younger sister in her sleep?
My younger brother who is 17 admitted to me the other day that while my little sister who is 7 was sleeping with him due to me and my parents being out of town (he was babysitting) molested her in her sleep. The reason he admitted this to me is because i caught him cutting his arm and found other scars on himself from self harm, I asked him why he would do that and basically said thay he hated himself for what he did, after a while of consulting him and trying to figure out why he was depressed, he revield his dark secret. I was in shock and angry at him but have since forgave him. The molestation took place about 3 months ago and he has fallen into a deep depressive state of self-hatred. He is terribly guilty and remorseful for what he did and swears to never do it again, i for whatever reason beleive him, he is truly depressed and sorry. I just pray to God that my sister stayed asleep throughout the duration which brings me to my question. Im pretty confident that she did stay asleep, because there have been nights after the incident that she has CHOSEN with no pressure to sleep with my brother again, because she truly does love him and because i refuse to let her sleep with me and so do my parents and she dislikes sleeping alone so she rather sleep with someone. She even will ask my brother sometimes first before anyone else if she can sleep with him, and she'll even sleep in her underwear. Do you think if she knew, she would still sleep with him? Best answer awarded
My brother may have molested my sister?
So recently I was with my sister and she came out that our half brother molested her she she was 8 and he was 15. My brother's weird but I can't believe he would do something like that, and my sister was so young and I feel like she could've misremembered or maybe someone else did she was so young she just got confused. I hate to doubt her because it's such a sensitive subject but they're both family. And she wants to tell our dad (the parent we all share) but I'd hate to do that unless we're absolutely sure because he's very rash and it would also break his heart. What do I do????
When I was younger, I molested my brother and sister. I want to die because of it. What should I do?
First of all, resolve you will never do anything like that again to anyone. Then, make your life not all about you. Invest yourself in improving life for other people—not to the exclusion of your self-interests, but don’t make your life all about you. And get some long-term counseling. I can’t advise you whether any kind of relationship with your siblings is still possible, but utter contrition would be the right approach. Just don’t expect to be loved for it. Be the one who cares for others, not the one others worry about. And live just as long as you possibly can to complete your penance.
I think my 15 year old brother may be molesting my 3 year old sister. help pleaasee!!!!!!?
I got home for spring break to find my mother devastated. She said that my little sister told her my 15 year old brother touched her on her private parts and even indicated where and how). The issue is that my mother is ALWAYS questioning my little sister about being molested (as my mom was molested by her father in her childhood) and idk if my littlle sister is simply making things up. For example i took her out on a walk 2day and she told me she saw my boyfriend and my best male friend kissing? that is obviously impossible because my best male friend and boyfriend have never been in my home together, they are not gay, and my bf and i live in sb while my best friend lives in LA. Then when i was telling my mother about what my sister had just said, my little sister also said she saw me kissing my best male friend? I dont know what to do?! My little sister has shown signs of touching herself under her diaper and trying to rub her parts on blankets or the rug. My mother AND my father have both confronted my lil bro about this and he absolutely denied it. Prior to this incident my mom also had suspicions that my lil bro was molested and she asked him about it MULTIPLE times and to this day he assures that he was not molested. my bro is a very shy boy, is quite intelligent, and has always been very noble but i know boys going through puberty can do horrible things. I dont want my little bro convicted or anything but my little sister's health is most important. my mom is afraid of talking to a psychologist because she doesnt want to get social workers involved and possibly have my sister taken away...im only home 4 a week ..nd idk wat 2 do to help my family?
How do I tell my wife that her brother is a child molester?
How did you get access to his laptop?If your brother-in-law is living in your home, then call an attorney and have a discussion with that person as to your next step. Going to the police before you have secured your own legal representation might make reporting your brother-in-law (BIL) “problematic.” There’s also the potential for your home to be searched and if you have ANYTHING that can link yourself or your wife to any other criminal activity (illegal drugs, stolen property, prescription medicines in someone else’s name,etc), then you should dispose of it quickly and quietly.After you have spoken with an attorney, contact the police or have the attorney approach them on your behalf. There’s a good chance that your BIL might attempt to implicate YOU in what’s occurring and if you have covered your bases, you will have removed that particular card from his “deck.” Also, having an attorney approach the police may give the situation somewhat more emphasis than your going into the station yourself and reporting the matter.If you were “snooping” on your BIL’s laptop (e.g. you were using it and had no reason or permission to be using it) then you might find that your discovery had “muddied” the waters of the rules of evidence. You might also find that you are questioned about this matter initially more extensively than your BIL will be. This is why contacting an attorney first would be so important as you don’t want to answer police questions without your attorney being present.After you have approached the police is when you should tell your wife.While this may make for rough times between you two for a while, in all likelihood your wife and her family probably suspect that your BIL is rather odd and that pedophilia wouldn’t be beyond the pale for him. They’ll be angry, but they’ll get over it. I they don’t, then you may need to reassess your relationship.I wouldn’t worry too much about your BIL “getting away” as most molesters don’t see what they are doing as being wrong, so invariably they remain in their same area until they are caught. And I wouldn’t worry about him getting off as the laws for child pornography and rape are pretty harsh. He could conceivably be incarcerated, even with a plea bargain, for 10-15 years if not longerDo the above as soon as possible. This type of thing causes a great deal of trouble (including media coverage if you live in a small town or rural area) and then sooner you get your hands around it, the better.
Should my sister in law forgive her brother for molesting her daughter?
No. Nope, not, uh-uh, NEGATIVE.At least, not for the reasons you suggest. The brother’s suffering is immaterial to the question. So is his time in jail.Your sister-in-law may someday come to forgive him in order to help herself, in order to feel closer to being healed of this sort of heinous breach of trust. But she is the one living her life, she is the one who has to live with the consequences of her decisions. It isn’t up to you or even the daughter who was sexually assaulted to decide for your sister-in-law when or if it will ever be time to forgive him.I am also suspicious of whether or not the daughter’s forgiveness came about because she decided independently that it would be of benefit to herself to forgive him or whether someone (or several someones) in her extended family is pressuring her.Since the daughter was assaulted by a close relative, there’s also a chance that she was thoroughly groomed by the brother before he sexually assaulted her. If so, she may well have loved most aspects of the relationship, may have felt special to him and flattered to be singled out and she may still wish she could have that part of the relationship without the sexual molestation.Your sister-in-law was harmed by her brother in a very emotionally damaging way. I also have to suspect that since you write that “he has suffered at every family get-together” she finds herself surrounded by a family who doesn’t support her. Because it sure sounds like he’s welcome at family get-togethers!Keep in mind that, if and when it happens, forgiveness is usually a process rather than a one time decision or an epiphany. Someone who has suffered that level of harm may never feel ready to forgive and even if they do decide to forgive, will often discover that it is a decision that has to be made over and over again.I should reveal my own bias here: I was raped as a 12 year old and I have spent much of the last 48 years trying to forgive myself (I believed him when he told me it was all my fault and that I had forced him into acting that way) and the man who raped me. My ability to forgive and the level of my forgiveness tends to vary over time, sometimes more, sometimes less. I figure if I practise long enough, I may finally master it. But… forty eight years? As I said above, it can be a long process.
How do you keep an older brother from molesting his younger sister when no parent is home?
If you are aware that the older brother is doing this then have him arrested. Anyone who would knowingly leave their child in harm's way like that should be arrested as well.
I think I molested my brother?
Hello, I'm dealing with a huge problem concerning something that happened to my younger brother. He was about 4 at the time and a little while later, he told my sister and I that our god sister (who was about 11 going on 12) told him to go down on her. We told our mom and he went to counseling. They told us that we had to take it to court, but my mom never wanted to press charges. Anyways, because my brother was so young, he wasn't able to diffrentiate time, so our god sister was found not guilty. Fast forwarding to now, my mother wants to cut ties with my god sister because she never admitted to doing this thing to my brother. She's now a full grown adult And my brother is 15. And maybe 1 or 2 years ago, I was in a dream-like state, daydreaming or actually having a dream, and everything hit me. I remembered asking my brother to do that very same act on me (at the time I would have been 9), but I don't remember him putting up a fight or being uncomfortable. But it happened only once and for only a short time and never again. I tried to confess to my mom and said that in think my brother blamed the wrong person and that I remember being sexually curious at that age, but I think she's in serious denial because she doesn't understand why I would do something like that. I don't know either. But it's killing me inside to think that someone else has been accused of this and it was probably me. I don't even know what really happened anymore. I'm seriously considering counseling.
My wife just told me that she was molested by her brother when they were young, I want to confront her parents and brother about this, should I?
No.You shouldn’t.What you should do is take care of your wife in the way that SHE needs, not in the way that allows YOU to express your self-righteous anger. The fact that she told you this secret is an important commentary on how she views you and thinks of you. It’s a testament to the trust you’ve built with her and her love and trust in you. Don’t blow it by making a scene.Talk to HER and find out what SHE needs. And then help her get what she needs. Convince her to see a counselor or a professional no matter how much time has passed or how un-necessary she thinks it is. Stand by her side. Let her know you are there. But the secret is hers - not yours - to toss like a hand grenade into the family dynamic. If you go off half cocked with your anger and allegations the one you are hurting the most is her, not the perpetrator.You’ve already proven yourself to her to be worthy. Continue to do that by nurturing her, not attacking others on her behalf, especially if she doesn’t want you to do it. It will only be out of a sense of misguided justice, self-righteous anger or pride, no matter how justified it may seem to be.I know about this from experience and I felt the urge to kill just as you do but it’s not about you, just as it wasn’t about me. It’s about her. Let her be your guide on her search for closure and healing. You just need to be there supporting her and helping her find the way.Someday, if she is ready and willing, she may confront her abusers herself. That will be more powerful than anything you could do.