My wife is having an affair with a married man with young kids. Should I tell his wife?
If you saw fraud being committed, would you report it? That's one way to look at it.Be open to the possibility that the cheated wife knows and has decided to “shut up, put up” for the sake of the kids and her and their financial security, feeling of stability.Maybe get a disposable phone, call when you know she is home. Don't give your name - she may blame you, or he may come after you.Don't expect to fix your own problem this way. Don't do it to retaliate and hurt anyone out of anger. Maybe phrase it gently by asking logical questions. Let her form her own conclusions. Keep it very brief. Only call once, then never again. That's harassment. Don't leave messages that she can play back. Do it for the right reasons, get your mental and emotional priorities clear. Don't do it hoping to win back your gal - she already broke the contract, has no scruples, would do it again. Let her go.You have been defrauded. So has a mother and children. Go for it. The sooner the better. Clear your conscience, do your due diligence. If she stays with him, either the man’s wife - or his mistress, don't make it your business beyond that point. I think you need a divorce on the grounds of adultery, fraud.The above is just one way to look at it. Sometimes innocent people get hurt in the process of “reporting” a “crime”. It's not just a matter of the heart, or a private matter, but has real consequences materially, financially, and affects society with its aftermath. Marriage is as much a legal contract as a social or spiritual institution. So there are legitimate reasons to do something.People will disagree with this. But since you are an inside play directly involved, I'd say you have every right, and perhaps you even have something of a duty to be a whistleblower in a matter of fraud.
I am dating a married man who just informed me that his is going to counseling with his wife?
We have worked together for about 4 years. Over this time we became best friends. I had a crush on him and he flirted back with me. I was dating someone and I started sharing my problems with him. His wife ended up confessing to him that she had an emotional affair with his close friend and he had a hard time forgiving her. A few months after the disclosure he left her. She did not want the serration but he was done with her. He told me he would never go back to that and that she hurt him very badly. We started seeing each other immediately. He started staying at my house the weekend that they separated. We became intimate about a month later. It was the best time of my life. He said he never had feelings like that before, even with his wife. He introduced his kids to mine, we had playdates during his days with the kids. He never told his wife about us since he said she was crazy and would take the kids from him. What he had was real and nothing Like I've ever experienced. he was my best friend and my boyfriend. Then one day out of the blue he tells me that he is going to counseling with his wife. I have not slept, eaten in a week. What should I do. He also never filed for divorce and I kept telling him that he should but he kept giving me lame excuses. I have never been on this side of the fence and I should have know better. My kids and I fell in love with him. they keep asking about him. What should l I do? everyone at work saw the attraction yet my family advised me against it. I am torn and heart broken. I want to tell his wife but then he will never talk to me. I love this man so much. Has anyone been in this situation before? I know how this all sounds but this is the sweetest man. I feel like I am loosing my best friend. I want to hear from people who have been in my shoes. I know it was wrong for us to fall in love but we did not intend to. How can he even go back to his cheating wife? I gave him my all, I feel like a fool but I love him and he loves me.
Can a cheating spouse ever be redeemed? Can a marriage ever be recovered after someone cheats?
A person does not cheat because a marriage is brokenA person cheats because they have a personal conflict within themselves.The person has a Longing for Autonomy, A wish for Freedom, Vitality. They feel that they are entitled to pursue something that they did not in their youth. They are looking for another self. They ask themselves “is this it?, is this all there is to life?”Some People want what they cannot have. This is so exciting.Men feel the need to boast about their sexual conquest, some exaggerate, some will go with just anyone that is available. Given the statistics the other woman is not at all attractive. She was just available.Statistically, men will cheat more because they will not talk about their feelings. They would much rather talk about the football game or the basketball games. So , sex is so much easier for themSometimes they cheat when they have faced a personal loss or tragedy and they think that the person that they find available at the time will complete them, but they do not.In the end they find they find that this is not true.Unfortunately, these men end up hurting not only their wives & children; But also the other woman that they have been lying to all along.WOMEN YOU MUST REALIZE THAT HE HAS LIED TO YOU. HE KNOWS THAT HE IS MARRIED TO YOU HE MADE A COMMITMENT TO YOUTO BE YOUR ——-1) LOVER, 2)PARENTING PARTNER, & 3) EMOTIONAL COMPANIONHe has crossed the line. He has committed a horrible act of betrayal. His friends know of the affair(men like to boast & women like to tell of how they took your man). He must now End the Affair.He must express guilt and remorse for his actions. He must admit that he had an affair. He must express your value to him. He can now come home. He can only come Home If you Still Love him and want to continue your marriage to this man.There is no shame in this.A marriage will only last if the woman is willing to allow it. The decision for the Divorce is ultimately up to the woman .The man is the head of the household, but the woman turns the head.Value yourself as a person and do not dwell on the affair. She was not better than you.No one is better than you. You won his heart first and you will always have it. A man never forgets his first love. You have his children. He came home.
Can a loving wife cheat on her husband?
Yes. I know the answer to this one.It happened last year when her work took my wife far from me for 6 months. I didn't find out until she told me she wanted to confess something terrible. She thought about not telling me about the incidence but the guilt was just unbearable. She told me over the phone. I was angry, she was crying. Then after a while I was crying, she didn't know what to say. I told her how I felt. I thought I failed to make her happy. I didn't trust her at the moment but I knew she is a good person and this was a one time mistake. After that conversation she flew home and we talked for hours. It was less talk and more periods of silence. With an exception of 1-2 times we managed to keep ourselves calm. I could see she clearly regretted what she did. I hate to admit now, but I wanted to make her feel guilty. She said she felt alone in the new city with no friends and bad client. This guy x changed that. They started hanging out on weekends and one night they slipped. She said it happened only once and offered no excuses. We had been married for 5 years so I know her very well. I know how she needs to surround herself with friends and doesn't like to be alone. Line of her business will always want her to travel to cities where she will be without friends. I can't change that but I believe in her. After the last time she wouldn't make the same mistake again. I forgave her. Interestingly she didn't like me taking her mistake lightly. She said I should have been serious angry and given her a hearing she deserved. I said we both have suffered, we both know it was a one time thing so let's just ward if of as a bad dream and move on. Following days were just awesome for me. She was cooking and candles making plans for romantic getaways.. Since then, I barely think about that incidence and have long back decided to stop reaping the benefits of her guilt. She is a loving wife and shit happens.
How do I deal with my brother's wife? I don't like her at all?
Sounds like you tried to stir the pot a little a little bit with the new wife. Really who puts their girl friend on the phone after making an inappropriate comment about jacking off in the shower? Just weird. I guess that's what the new wife thought of you and your girl friend. Not sure what your intentions were other than trying to piss his wife off. I would never dream of putting my girl friend on the phone in a sexy voice, to talk to my brother's new wife...where the hec is your head? obviously not on your shoulders. I think you need to look closer at your self. Unfortunately, the new wife should of controlled her cool instead of letting you get the best of her. She obviously is not to smart...so ya, you got one up on her. You showed her ignorance, to your game playing. I would be totally offended by you and your stupid girlfriend too...especially at a younger age. Now, at the age I am, I see how girls play games and would not let your stupidity bother me in the least. I give the new wife credit for laying down the law...not to many girls have balls like that anymore. Either way, you need to apologize for your ignorance, and make things better.
Does a wife have a right to know her husband’s work schedule? If the wife called the husband’s work to request his schedule, will they give it to her?
You certainly have a right to know.However, it's HIS responsibility to tell you.Calling his employer is out of line because:It will indicate that the employee is having marital problems— Do you really need your husband's employer believing that he's having personal issues at home? Can you see where that might not be beneficial?It will start rumors at his job— Do you really want your relationship to become fodder for gossip by his co-workers?It will embarrass or humiliate him — Your husband is not a child. Do you see any potential benefits from treating him like one by calling his workplace to “check up on him?”It will put his employer in an awkward position— Most employers have no desire to get involved in their employee’s personal lives for legal, as well as practical, reasons. By calling them, you are potentially bringing them into an ongoing dispute and that may result in their having to make hard decisions.It does nothing to solve your main issue — You apparently have trust and communication issues with your husband. Those are serious problems that cannot be resolved with a phone call or even a series of calls.Ask him about his schedule.If he doesn't respond or he grows angry, then you need to consider marriage counseling or more serious steps.Don't involve his job in your relationship.
Do I have the right to insist my ex-husband provides me with an address when he has our child overnight?
How old is the child? You might feel you have a right, but unless it's a condition of a legally enforceable contact order, you don't. You really need to sit down and talk about it rather than get hysterical. I'm going through a divorce, my ex demanded to know where I was taking my son, she refused to let me take him until she'd inspected the place. I told her that she was welcome to come round, but she had no right to prevent access even if she thought it was unclean or tatty, only if she could show it was intrinsically unsafe. Did she not trust that I would keep my children safe? Did I have any more reason to trust HER to keep them safe? (I've since had my daughter complaining that she had her cousin over and they left drugs out on the dining room table). She never did come round. She just has my mobile number. I did give her the address eventually, but soon I'll be living on the canal, so she won't ever know where I'm moored. Not because I care if she knows or not, but because it's impractical. My ex is just about crazy enough to go on a stalking bout -she'd hate herself for it, but she would. It's a minefield, I'm afraid, but in the end, you cannot control access to the children unless there is a real danger. Are you SURE you're not just curious? Can you not reach a compromise? I wouldn't bother threatening to withhold access - that would make you seem unreasonable. Display some trust. And if you REALLY don't trust him, Maplin electronics have got a device on special at the moment £110, a mobile phone with a GPS in it. You can call three numbers on pay as you go with it, and if you text the phone it silently replies with the coordinates of the phone which you can look up on Google Earth. Give one of these to your child, so they can call you if there's a problem or slip it into the lining of their overnight bag,
As someone whose spouse cheated on you, what was the initial change in behavior that tipped you off?
Looking back, it was several things that just started adding up. He started working late more often. He would come in and get in the shower immediately, and he got really weird about his laundry. He didn’t want me to wash his clothes anymore, saying that I didn’t do it right. He was always accusing me of talking to someone on my phone and made a big deal if I took my phone outside with me when I would go out to smoke. If I text him during the day, it was sometimes hours before he would respond. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of this except, it was different behavior for him because he had previously always responded back pretty quickly. He started working on the weekends and I never really saw an increase in his salary. After I started paying more attention to all these things, I got suspicious and started checking bank accounts and cell phone records. He was really smart and covered his tracks well. I found several credit cards that he had opened and used my credit to get. There was a total of $10,000. of charges that couldn’t be accounted for and when I asked him about the debt, he told me it was none of my business. He refused to get me copies of the statements. I knew at that point that he was full of shit. I never actually caught him in the act but, my gut was screaming at me that he was cheating. I guess if he had been being nice to me, I might not have gone snooping but, he was treating me like shit and hurting me. He was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive to me and I wasn’t going to stay with someone that treated me so bad. I’m sorry, but you can either, beat me up and be mean to me or, cheat on me, but you don’t get to do both. I made an exit plan. It took 6 months of preparation behind his back. During that time, I put myself in some pretty compromising situations to see exactly what motivated him in life. I learned that the only things in life that he cared about was money and sex. He had taken nearly $30,000 from me and was paying for his credit card problem. And sex got progressively worse. Most of the time, he would shove my face in a pillow and stick it in my ass and tell me I liked it. I did not.I left him and have not looked back. I eventually found out that he had been using prostitutes at the Asian bathhouse, pretty much the whole time that we were together. Some people are just sick.
What did your spouse do or say to you that made you divorce them?
My daughter had an altercation with a young man at college - she was concerned that he’d raped her. I told her not to shower or do anything to remove evidence - and get to the police and ask for a rape kit. I went there and got her medical attention, but they told us she had not been raped - via the rape kitI stayed the whole week and made sure she was squared-away. She is a lovely young lady with a kind spirit. I hated the idea that someone could damage her so severely.She had been sexually active with another young man, but I told her I didn’t need to know! I was there to make sure she was safe.Her mother joined us in the middle of the week and stayed to the weekend.After we returned home, my wife confronted me with some photos of our daughter’s apartment, including the contents of a drawer where she kept sexual lubricant and condoms.I smirked, because she had already told me she was sexually active, and now her mother and I would talk about it.Except we didn’t.She said based on the smirk, it was clear I’d been having sex with our daughter.The whole world seemed to compress on me at once. I still look back on the moment and shudder.A chime went off on my phone to remind me of a business meeting, which gave me an excuse to leave the room. I went into our home office and pushed-back on the crush of emotions. I didn’t make the business call.I came to the realization in those moments that our marriage was over. That she would accuse me of something so serious, without asking our daughter about it. I walked around stunned for days.I called an attorney and moved out. It was three months before I saw my wife again, as we did the whole divorce through the attorneys.When it was all over, all four of my children said to me something similar to “What took you so long?” - all of them wondered why I had not left her a long time before.Love is blind, I guess.
What should I do if my husband has called me by his exes name when we started dating, and now he has dreams with her but refuses to tell me what they are?
What can or should you do? You should simply let this go and stop feeling “terrible.”My business partner sometimes calls me by his wife’s name. My mother used to have to go through every child’s name in the family to get to the right one. People do this all the time with absolutely no ulterior motives.And dreaming is the mind’s way of processing and storing or discarding information, and often a way of working through issues in your present life by running through problems from the past that you were able to resolve. (That’s why so many people have recurring dreams of being back in high school or college, facing a test for which they’ve not studied.)I have dreams with all kinds of people from my past in them, but that doesn’t mean I “want” those people. My husband frequently dreams of a town he can’t identify…that doesn’t mean he wants to be in that town or needs to go find that town.And anyway, people often don’t “refuse” to tell you their dreams, they honestly don’t remember them within minutes of awakening.You’ll be a lot happier - and avoid driving your husband crazy with your unfounded fears and jealousy - if you simply laugh and move on. Exes are exes for a reason.Thank you to SS for the A2A.