I have a defiant 12 year old daughter, can someone help me?
I NEED HELP SO BAD!!!! Hello, My daughter is 12 and she is just so defiant, this lil girl does not like to be told any thing and now she has picked up the Habit of lying, lying about the smallest things, like brushing her teeth, eating her dinner and taking showers. I have tried everything that i can possibly think of, i mean i've spoken to her about it, yelled at her and even at times spanked her, when she was younger i took her to therapy and after a while she was responding positively then they changed her therapist due to insurance purposes and then it was down hill from there again. She is SO sweet and generous and she can be very helpful, but when she is told to do something it;s like she gives attitude and starts dragging her feet and just have respect for time and people and just can't cope i've exhausted all my options that i Know, I was even considering sending her away because im starting to think she's just not happy here, OMG!!! can somebody please give me advise i just don't know what to do and i love her so much, i just refuse to believe this is it for our family, i still have some fight in me but its running out, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!
Defiant 10 year old daughter...Any Advice???
I have a 10 year old daughter who right now is very disobedient and defiant. She doesn't listen to me when I tell her to do things, she talks back to me often with attitude as if she's grown and if I take her things away (such as video games she loves to play) she goes and tears up my room when I'm not home looking for them. She says she doesn't care about school that she doesn't want to go and I have to fight with her to get her out the house in the morning (this went on and still is it got so bad I was late for work so much I got written up and a truancy officer gave me a visit). She constantly says that nobody cares about her, nobody doesn't love her when that isn't true and she knows it but yet she still says that. How can I get this behavior to stop, how can I get her to care more about getting her education and how can I get her to listen to me and know that what I say goes? *Her father is not in the picture, nor will he ever be. She hasn't seen him since she was 4 years old. I work full time and I take online classes part-time. My mother and sister were helping me out with watching her after school, but I've seen now that they tend to let her run wild also and do the same to them as she's doing to me.* PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!! What can I do? I feel so bad, that things are going on this way and I feel like there's something I didn't do right as a parent. I know that I had her at a young age, but I took full responsibility. I made sure I finished school, I worked while finishing school, I worked after I graduated school; instead of going to college right away I went to a tech school and worked after that. My whole life has been devoted to making sure she has what she needs ...so where did I go wrong. A little about me: I'm a 27 year old single mom, I am raising my 10 year old daughter by myself since day one with the help of my family. I currently live with my mother, and my 23 year old sister, whom I support also. I work full time, as a file clerk and I go to school online part time.
How do I connect with my defiant 9 year old daughter who only wants to play on devices and sulks when they are taken away for family time?
Yes, you will need to figure out done boundaries with the devices. However, have you tried playing her favorite games with her? My son loves games, and I frequently play with him. It has been good for us both. I’m in the loop on what goes on in the games he plays and it is fun quality time. Gaming supports logical thinking skills, strategy, and problem solving.When family time is forced and kids don’t want to do it then the time doesn’t help develop bonds. No matter what the activity parents need to take an interest in the activities their children enjoy.In the meantime you also need some boundaries with electronic devices. I am not a fan of giving x amount of screen time a day or a week. It just becomes something to negotiate when it’s bedtine and they still have 15 minutes of screen time left. However if I didn’t feel other options were working I might go the route if designated time for devices. I usually try to coax mine with the offer of a more fun option. Also, there are family responsibilities such as chores and homework that must be met before gaming can begin on any given day. Be sure there are many options of things to do, but remember all screen time isn’t created equal. Consider the activity the screen is being used for and the value of that particular activity. If my son is designing things using his 3D printer that can be a high value endeavor. I usually won’t cut that off, instead I’ll join him at it. If he’s just surfing You Tube watching stupid videos I’m more likely to say come on, let’s do something else.
How can I best handle my defiant 7-year-old daughter?
My gut feeling is that this is a child who is seeking to identify where the boundaries are, although you also sometimes see this behavior from children who are rebelling against punishments they feel are too strict. That's why I asked in the comments how you had addressed this previously - if you had either said you ignored it and let her do whatever, or had overdone the punishment, I think that would have been easily identified as the issue and could be resolved there. It does sound like you've been reacting appropriately.I think your response should be two-pronged. One, like has been suggested already, have pretty strict natural consequences for defiance. Not harsh consequences, but strict as in there's always a negative and immediate consequence, related to the defiance. If she says she won't put on her shoes, she doesn't get to go with the family out for ice cream. If she doesn't get ready for dinner when she's told, she can eat dinner by herself. If she doesn't put her toys away, she doesn't get to use those toys again for a few days. So, there are consequences to her defiance that she won't like that are both immediate and related to what she's defiant about.Second, many kids do really well with rewards, and she might be one of them. Some kind of sticker chart might be just the thing to motivate her to start listening better. Print up a reward chart and sit her down to explain it - say something like, "Lately we've gotten into a bad habit where we tell you to do something, and you say no. That's really not okay, so we're going to work together to try and break that habit. This sticker chart is going to help. Every time you listen and do what we say the first time, you get a sticker. If you get 10 stickers, you get to pick out a toy at the store / get to choose dinner / get a new outfit / get to choose how you and I will spend the day together / ??? whatever motivates your child."
Why has my daughter become so defiant and troublesome after her dad passed away?
Was your daughter close to her Dad?Now why I asked this. I was 19 when my Dad died. I had a 23 month old baby. I was my Daddys little girl. We had always been close. I left my husband 9 days after my Daddy died. It was his fault that I was so depressed. All of it was his fault. Even tho my Daddy had been sick for over 10 yrs. And we had only been married for a little over 2 1/2 yrs.Not everything was his fault but it took me yrs to forgive him on what was not his fault. Ask your daughter if she wants to talk about her dad. If not to you then a friend, Preacher, Doctor. Some one to help her with the grief that she is feeling. Maybe she blames you for his death. Really its not unusual for us to blame the other parent I found out later. I went thru some serious depression. I was even 3 months pregnant when my Dad died. My son carries my Dads middle name.I never saw any one until both of my kids were grown. To this day IF I say my Daddy passed then I expect him. I have to say he died. Its more real to me that way.Sorry if this seems to be rambling but even almost 45 yrs later its hard to talk about my Daddy.
Teenage daughter is defiant and disrespectful?
My 16 year old, for the most part, is a good kid. She is a cheerleader and plays soccer for her high school. She takes AP courses and makes mostly A's, some B's and also has a part time job. Because she has so much going on, I have scaled down her responsibilities (chores) at home. The only things she is responsible for is her bedroom and her bathroom. She REFUSES to keep either of them picked up. I don't ask for it to be emaculate, just picked up. I have asked nicely, I have told her firmly and even moved on to yelling and she just totally blows me off. She has been grounded multiple times and it doesn't seem to phase her. At this point, I don't even care about her room, it's all about the disrespect and defiance. I am a stay at home mom and she thinks that since I don't work I should help her clean her room. I did not make the mess in her room and I am not her maid. If she made any effort at all to do what I ask, I would not mind helping her at all. Any suggestions????
How do I get my defiant 15 year old daughter on Beyond Scared Straight?
Firstly, try taking her to Dr. Phil. Sounds like she could benefit from it.I believe that scaring your child into obedience does nothing. It’s a cheap way of instilling obedience, and even then, it doesn’t serve much of a purpose. Okay, she obeys, but only because she’s scared. Or perhaps it won’t even have effect on her, and she’ll laugh the next day.Take her to a therapist. Or if you have to be on television, Dr. Phil.
I spanked my defiant daughter, now I feel guilty, should I apologize?
You should explain to her why you did it. Ask her for an apology for being defiant, and then you can apologize for spanking her.
My 18 year old daughter is making us crazy!?
My 18 year old daughter is very defiant. She refuses to do anything around the house except continually mess up. My younger daughter and I have to clean up her mess all the time. If I ask her to do anything she just laughs in my face. There's not many privledges I can take away since she is 18 and she does what she wants. I suffer from severe anxiety and chronic insomnia. She tries to taunt me by singing out loud at the top of her lungs to try to upset me. And yes she succeeds!!. Because of my illness I have little strength. I am also a single parent during the week as my husband works in another state. I am at my wits end. Any suggestions?
Very defiant 5 year old in school.. help?
There is nothing wrong with the way you are handling it. You sound like good parents who are tackling the problem rather than blaming the teachers or offering excuses for your daughter. I understand when you said that you never envisioned parenting this way, but parenting is not easy. A lot of parents take the easy route and drug their kids with Ritalin, but this is not doing them any favors. Some children are more strong-willed than others. Most great leaders have very strong wills because a strong-will can help them overcome adversity. However, they have to learn to obey those in authority such as teachers, police, and of course their parents. It sounds like you set attainable standards for your daughter, and are enforcing those standards. Your methods have cut down on her bad behavior, and as long as you are consistent and determined I am sure she that eventually bad reports will be very few and far between. No child is perfect, but it sounds like you are willing to roll up your sleeves for the tough job of making sure your daughter succeeds at school and in life. Her teachers will thank you for it, and someday your daughter will too.