Will I be able to adopt a baby if I am a recovering alcoholic with arrests?
probably not your past will be a factor
Would you date a recovering alcoholic? Why or why not?
Personally, and this is only my opinion, I would not. This is because I am a recovering alcoholic myself. One alcoholic (whether drunk or sober) is enough in a relationship. We're alcoholics. We're overly sensitive in our emotions and obsessive in our thinking. I’d rather be with a woman that can have a couple of drinks. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be with someone who drinks like me, but a woman who doesn't drink to get drunk works. My wife of 20 years left me just before I got sober. It took me 7 years to find another woman that I loved as much. Both of us had friends that told us we were too picky, but we are both happy we didn't “settle”. We waited for true love and it was worth it. If you are considering dating a recovering alcoholic, know that being in a relationship with a person who is diligently working a twelve step program is a wonderful thing. They will be honest with you, treat you with respect, and keep their nose out of your business. They will be attentive to your needs before their own. In return you must understand that their recovery must be the most important thing in their life. Without it, they will lose you and everything else they have in life. Their recovery depends on working with other alcoholics, so sometimes they will spend what seems like a lot of time at meetings and doing things for others. To me, if I was dating a woman in the program, it would be similar to a couple that works together. I like a little more space than that. I'm also glad that I'm not living with a woman that knows how to take my personal inventory in program terms. But, if you don't settle, and you've found a person you truly love, a recovering alcoholic who is sure in their recovery is a good bet. If you find someone who is sober a year or less, give yourself years before you become to serious in a relationship. It takes that long to ascertain the quality of someone's sobriety. Good Luck!
Can I stay sober if I continue to live with my alcohol drinking boyfriend? We've been together ten years.
I’ve known a number of successfully continuing ex-alcoholics over the years who have partners that drink occasionally, although I know the standard advice is “No!” in this area.The problem would be most acute if your boyfriend’s (and/or your) social life revolved around partying at the local pub, or if the two of you for the last ten years regularly had wine with dinner and/or split a six pack while watching TV, or other such activities that would act as a strong behavioral trigger for you.Even without the trigger however… if your boyfriend is a non-problem drinker and drinks around you and/or goes off to activities on his own where he drinks, then the temptation to tell yourself, “Oh, maybe a few won’t hurt. If HE can do it, then I should be able to handle it too if I”m careful.”Some people can do that sort of thing and some people can’t. It likely has both physical and psychological aspects that intertwine and are unique to every individual. The only way an individual can really know is if they make a serious attempt to swear off drinking completely and then find themselves waking up with memories of running around at a party wearing nothing but a lampshade on their head (or just hearing stories about it that they DON’T remember doing!)As noted, I think the standard advice is “Cut ALL temptations/links!” and it’s the safest advice. Whether you want to experiment on the edges of that is up to you and depends upon how serious your problem was (e.g. if you didn’t remember, but heard lots of tales about how you chased people around with knives at social events would be different than occasionally getting slightly more argumentative than you otherwise would have) and whether you’ve had past failures in stopping.MJM, who drank enormous amounts in his 20s/30s, but is now quite happy nursing a couple of glasses of wine or two or three vodka/sodas and not wanting any more.
If an alcoholic starts drinking again after a period of sobriety, will he end up where he was when he hit bottom?
If they had been a member of AA they *probably* believe that drinking after a period of sobriety *inevitably* leads to a catastrophic fall toward his / her rock bottom.Because they believe it is inevitable it is pretty likely to happen, that is the way the brain works.In psychology, this is known as the ‘abstinence violation effect’ (AVE) - the *consequences* of violating a commitment to abstinence are substantially determined by the beliefs the individual held about what is likely to happen in the event of such violation.In the 12 Step approach, beliefs around volition are ‘built up’ and reinforced as part of the wall of strength against ever drinking again. Arguably this is a point of strength for the program - the commitment to not drinking ever again is sky high. On the other hand, some would argue that it is a point of strength until a lapse at which point it becomes a liability.This is not the only approach to AVE. Some programmes (such as SMART Recovery and CBT based programmes) argue that whilst drinking again would be a bad idea and highly risky - if you *do* lapse, there is no *inevitability* to this becoming a full blown relapse. ie. the distinction is made between a lapse and relapse - so there is a window of opportunity to get back on the wagon after a lapse.In practice, many, many people with a history of severe alcohol dependency *do* manage to prevent a short lapse becoming a fall to ‘rock bottom’.I have a problem with the ‘inevitability’ belief because it simply does not match what is known about how people recover.It is *normal* to go through a series of lapses and relapses before eventually achieving sustained abstinence - recovery depends on learning from mistakes and slips so that over time they become less frequent. In almost all forms of addiction it is *not* normal to go from addictive behavior to sustained long term abstinence in one go.
After an alcoholic relapses, what are the chances of recovery again?
It is a truism that one must find one's own personal rock bottom and come to admit very honestly that the truth is that they are powerless over alcohol and their life has become unmanageable. As each of us has that personal bottom what it is exactly may vary widely. It can be loss of job, wife and family, friends, too many DUIs, bad credit/no credit, no money, no home. The last straw may even be to find oneself retching horribly and shaking violently in the night under a bridge. For me it was seizures and alcohol poisoning that literally forced me into a hospital where I went through a final withdrawal under sedation. I had suffered many relapses and 'recoveries' in my life, but I came to understand that this one must be my last if I wanted to live. One can relapse and have the chance for recovery many times during the downward spiral of their drinking career, but a person only has so many relapses and recoveries in them. I know that I am probably out of recoveries and the next relapse would probably kill me.There are many alcoholics who have managed to catch themselves in time and quit for good without a program, but for any severe alcoholic who has tried and tried to quit alone there is very little chance of recovery. The odds are against it. Most will continue to drink and destroy not only their own lives but the lives around them. This why fellowship in any course of recovery is so important. Especially in AA, if you stumble there will be arms to catch you and a warm welcome when you return. All that is required is a desire to stop drinking. Remember that even in the darkest tunnel of despair there is a faint light at the end. Walk toward it resolutely. It may or may not be an oncoming train, but in the end summon your last bit of courage and make that leap of faith.
I'm dating a recovering alcoholic... suggestions on supporting him?
Okay, I have a lot of input I could give you on this question. I am a recovering alcoholic (15 years sober) and as was my father, cousins, uncles, etc. I don't know how long in recovery he has been, but for me the AA meetings were very important, especially in the beginning. A sponsor is another plus. As for you, Alanon would be a great idea, as co-dependency is often a big issue and you will get support for yourself. You made a comment about your first priority to him is that you will never touch alcohol again in order to support him? Did he ask you to do this? Or is this just your idea of how you can help him? For myself and my recovery it was important that people not "assume" how best to support or help me. I personally don't mind if someone has a drink around me; but drunkeness is not okay. The other thing is that for me, having people support me by telling me what to do; etc. you need to go to a meeting, or "don't walk down the beer isle in a grocery store". That is care taking. and why a sponsor and meetings for both of you are so important. So my answer to your question, "anything else I can do to be supportive", is...take care of yourself; put the focus off him (let him do that himself) and do what you need for yourself to stay healthy. That's the best way to support him!! If you would like to email me just give me your email address, and I will, if you need more support. Kudos for asking this question.
How to date a recovering heroin addict?
I met this guy about a month and a half ago and we hit it off right away. He took me on dates at least 4-5 times a week, wouldn't let me pay for anything, opened my door... Just an all around gentleman. Before I met him I had been single for nearly 3 years. We dared for about 3 weeks and then we decided to make it official. Everything was going great until I showed at his work to surprise him cuz he said he was working and it turned out he was lying, he wasn't even on the schedule for that day. I called him out and he told he me he had to tell me something..... In a million years I would have never guessed that he would ever say what he said next, "I'm a recovering heroine addict." I guess when he said he was working, he was actually at a meeting with his sober living group. This guy was the nicest guy I ever met and he was the last person I ever expected to lie to me or hurt me. He then told me he had been sober 7 months and he lives in a sober living home. He had been through a 3 month rehab treatment and passed as well. He said that he kept putting off telling me because he wanted me to get to him for him, not judge him because of his dark past. So my dilemma now is do I stay with him and believe him or should I cut my losses and not risk the heartbreak? I really like this guy, he treated me so well and we got along perfectly... I'm not sure if I want to let go of that.