My husband tells me that he hates my son. I'm numb. How can I continue to love a man who hates my son and calls him an asshole and says he wants him out of his sight?
Additional details: He is my second of four children from a previous marriage that my husband adopted when my son was 12 years old. My son has problems with his temper and my husband has always been harder on him than the other children. I believe that my son has undiagnosed cognitive disabilities, which my husband acknowledges, and says my son should get help for his temper. The problem is that my husband has the same type of temper as my son, but he refuses to admit it or even acknowledge that he treats my son differently. My son is 23 but is not prepared to live on his own yet (Only him and #3 are still at home). I love my husband and my son, but I am tired of being in the middle.Edit: We have tried family counseling in the past, but it didn't last long. My husband doesn't like counseling because it makes him face painful subjects like the death of his father at age 13. I have encouraged my son to seek out diagnosis and treatment for his disability, but he thinks he's okay. He was diagnosed with ADHD, but I believe it's more because he had delayed speech as a toddler and I was just diagnosed with mild neurocognitive impairments (probably dyslexia). Unfortunately, we didn't make the connection until he was a Senior in high school and was already 18. Ironically, my husband is the one that made the connection.Regarding the disrespect, I think they are caught in a vicious 18 year cycle of acting and reacting that each can see the behavior of the other, but neither sees it in themselves. My son is a little more receptive when I point out the behaviors, but my husband denies and then yells at me. I'm frustrated because neither of them is right. My husband and I have argued about this before, and he demanded that I choose, and then got his feelings hurt when I chose my son. He is disabled from a heart attack, so leaving him is not really possible. My son can be an asshole, but so can my husband--heck, even I am at times, but they both have a sweet side too. It's like Jeckyl and Hyde.
My husband wants kids, but I don't. What do I do?
Don’t have them.I have a 10 year old son, and I love him more than my own life.but as a mother I can tell you that nobody should become a parent if they don't want to.In this case, I understand we are not even talking about a life that already started in your womb, these kids that your husband wants are non-existent.Your husband should have thought about this before marrying you. He was marrying both you and your life style and choice. Kids are something that should be wanted together.Who will look after the child if you divorce one day?And does your husband know that children can put a strain on the marriage?You will be the one most affected by it. Pregnancy, hormonal and body changes. Giving birth, my labour for my son was 18 hours and the most painful thing I have ever experienced. After the birth you could be ill with post partum depression. Is your husband ready and prepared to lose his wife for a year, two, three? I had it and caused me and my partner to break up for three years. My son was born in October 2005, by January 2006 I was in hospital for 4 months with severe post partimum depression which made me fall back into the most severe case of anorexia of my life.I broke up with the father of the baby and he was strong enough to understand it was my disease acting, and not me. He stayed close to me and the baby as much as he could respecting our new relationship as ex partners even though it was painful for him. We got back together in June 2009 when I came out of anorexia and was in a better frame of mind.A woman who does not want children is allowed to get sterilisation without even talking to her partner, the same as a man is allowed to get a vasectomy without telling his wife.I know this is the case in the UK.
Does my husband hate me because I had his baby?
I'm sorry hun, 234 Ibs is not beautiful and it is quite unhealthy for your height. That's just an unfortunate reality (I know I'll get thumb downs for this). I suggest you adopt a diet plan and an exercise regimen. Regarding your issues with your husband, I suggest you seek professional counseling for yourself and hope he joins if he sees improvement.
My husband thinks our baby is not his?
Since our little boy born, my husband believes and complains all the time that he doesnt believe he is the father. The reason is that we both have dark brown eyes and dark hair, and our baby is blonde with blue eyes. HE IS the father but he says that 2 people with brown eyes and brown hair cannot have a blue eye blonde baby. Is this truth? Note that i do have in my family blonde people with grey, blue and green eyes. We are from Cyprus (an island in mediterraneas sea) and having a blonde / blue eye baby is kinda awsome cause almost all people have dark hair and eyes. I ensure him that he is the father and i did tell him we can do a DNA test to prove he is the father but he says he doesnt want to put the baby in such a trouble with blood tests etc. He is a very good father and he does treat the baby amazingly well, but he does complainig all the time. Is it truth what he says that people with dark hair and eyes cannot have a blonde/blue eye baby? if its truth, then our son is a miracle because he IS the father. Here is the picture of our son's eyes http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy306...
I wish i didnt have my second child?
Basically my husband and i are stuck in a small place that we cant sell and he thought it would still be a good idea to add a sibling for our older child whom we adore. He didnt want to stop life because of our temporary situtation. WE also dont have a ton of money because i stay at home with them and we live on his income. That being said i love my son more than life itself and on top of all the reasons not to have another child i was scared i would not love the baby as much as my first. Halfway through my pregnancy I started freaking out that I didnt want the baby anymore. She was born four months ago and i dont love her at all. I feel like she is an anchor and burden in my life. My son who is 3 has been acting out because he is so jealous of her. I cant stand my life and I wish to god i never let my husband talk me into having this baby. i think i did it to make him happy. now i resent him. the 2 kids are such hard work and i am so depressed to the point that i cant even connect anymore with my son who i love so much. i dont know what to do i feel so trapped ive been seeing dr's and been on medications but these things dont change the life i hate. what can i do all i keep thinking is why didnt i just stick with one baby. its not fair to my daughter either whi is so cute and sweet. I have considered adoption but thats fantasy land, nobody gives away their second kid especially if they are married to their father. my family will hate me and i know ill have guilt because i am really a good person who made an awful mistake that will be with me for life. plus the baby and my son will probably grow up and hate me for seperating them. i was just looking for some feedback as i am so scared and depressed. i cry everyday and can barely even be intimate with my husband anymore. Help
When a woman is in labor, does she hate the guilty man for her pain?
When a woman is labor, does she hate the guilty man for her pain?First, her partner is guilty of nothing. No matter if the chid is an accident of stupidity and lack of birth control or a much wanted child, both the mom and dad are equally responsible for the child.Hollywood and TV loves to show women swearing at the poor dad-but that seldom happens if the father has just tad bit of tact.All the birthing mother needs is support and more support. If the dad is squeamish or not sensitive, it’s best he absent himself, like the old days!I had my first child in 1963 and the father was not allowed anywhere near me. He paced in the hall for hours and finally went to a bar and got drunk. I didn't hate him-I was high on the experience and it was an almost holy feeling.In 1969, when my second son was born, my husband was away working. I had a great supportive hippie OB, who wore John Lennon glasses and Birkenstock sandals in the delivery room. I think he was actually a student because he was so excited by the occasion he would shout at me “Look..Look at what you are doing! It’s magnificient”. I wasn’t wearing my glasses so the mirror showing the birth was a blur to me. But it was an exciting experience and I didn’t hate my husband for being away.My last child, born in 1974, I delivered myself, in the front seat of our car, on the way to the hospital. I was in labor 45 minutes. Things moved fast and the hospital was across town..it wasn't that we waited too long, I just had a very easy delivery. Hubby and I laughed together the entire drive, as he didn’t believe I was going to have the baby in the car and I soon realized that things were moving unusually fast. When a baby is ready to come, she comes!So no, generally, other than in movies, a woman does not hate the man for chid birth pains.
Our family hates the names we picked for our unborn child. What should I do?
Easy!!!Name your child whatever you picked. See, family is great, and they nit pick everything, and think anything anyone in the family does, is their business… Guess what!? It'll be YOUR son or daughter being born, not your family's. They may not like the names you chose, but two things will happen…They will fall in love with your child, REGARDLESS of their name, the second they see him/her.They will in time grow to like the name… Chances are, the second they see the child, they'll agree they “look like a/an [enter child's name here]”.My own wife didn't like the name I chose for my daughter, and my father thought it looked weird (it does, because I acidentally reversed the vowels when I announced the name I chose, and it stuck)… The second my wife saw her, she fell in love with her, and knew she was Thiea Nicole, and there was no more resistance to it.Ultimately, it's your decision. The family will get over it… and if they don't, you'll have years and years of amusing times hearing all about it throughout life. Hahaha!My grandparents used to fight about who I was named after… It was wholly amusing, because my name is Joseph Lee… My dad's dad was Joseph, and my mom's dad was Carl Lee… I was named after both, OBVIOUSLY, but for some reason, they had that feud til they died, and the one who outlived the other, just loved talking about how he was right, and the other wrong. Hahaha!Families can be very strange… You're building yours now, so do as you wish… Nothing wrong with listening to family suggestions and advice, but it is YOUR choice. Some families like to be involved, some have traditions with names, some kids like to break them though… My family is loaded with “J” names… My cousins carried it on, but my brother and I did not. My mom wanted me to name my daughter after her mother, butI did not, and yes, she seemed like it bothered her some, but she still loves her granddaughter, and shell have more, so you never know…Maybe tell the family you're not bending on your first child's name, but you will happily let them partake in naming your next child? That'sa neat compromise.
EVERYONE... mainly family hates the boy name?
It's interesting that you seem so swayed by your family's opinion. I personally don't/wouldn't put too much thought into my family liking the names I chose. If they stated that they didn't like a name I've picked (which they have done), I am mainly just curious why and try to convince that they name is great. :) I have names that are very dear to me though. Names (Etymology) in general are very important to me. A couple of names which I have picked I've kept with me for almost a decade. Perhaps you aren't as sure about your name or aren't as attached to it? I also noticed that your last name is Melendez. I'm not sure if your Hispanic, though I can understand, knowing how close to family Hispanics are, you might really honor and value their opinion. My first thought of Cain Andrew was that it was a bit "A" heavy, what with the ai in Cain and a in Andrew. They are almost the same sound. It's not bad, but it could be bettered. I can see someone very religious (like your FIL) being hesitant about Cain for religious reasons. Structurally, however, Cain is a terrific name. Shorter names on boys are quite masculine. N and C sounds also have a bit more of a powerful sound behind them as well, one reason that I too am often drawn to names with those letters. I personally believe that ultimate choice of picking a name should be your and your husband's choice, even if you do put a lot of stock into ideas from the family. But if you are still considering alternatives to Cain, I could give you some idea. Here are some suggestions: Cade (my first thought - I misread Cain at first too.) Wade Wayne Aidan Hayden Camden Cameron Note though that with these names with short As, like Camden, are too similar to Andrew, in my opinion. Again, it's the A sound. It would be exactly the same sound in this case. Other names you might like: Eli Cash Elias American "ee LYE us" or (Hispanic) "eh LEE as" Dean Abram Cian "keen" (a Celtic name) Abel Abiel "AY bee ull" Finally, if you keep having trouble with the in-laws, just keep the name a secret until your son is born. Many people do this. It makes it more of a surprise for the family.
Will my husband love our male child if he already has a male child from a previous relationship? He really wants a girl now, and I feel if we have a boy it won’t be special at all. I feel afraid of getting pregnant and disappoint him.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I was in exactly this situation. My husband had been married before and had a son from his first marriage. He clearly loved his son very much and I worried that he may not have the same feelings for this child.I gave birth to a son. I needn't have worried. My husband had plenty of love for our child.When I became pregnant with our second child, I found myself becoming anxious again for a different reason. I loved my son so much, I worried that I wouldn't have enough love for another child. This was a real problem for me. Then, my second son was born. I was genuinely surprised to find myself in love all over again. This led me to do a lot of thinking.I came to realise that love really is boundless and I worked out why.There are all kinds of love.I realised that the love I felt for my mother was a different kind of love which I felt for my husband. The love I had for my brother was different altogether for the love I felt for my dog.I now have three sons and have equal quantities of love for all three. However, each love is different. They are different personalities. Each son is unique. Each love is unique — to that individual.To answer your question… yes, your husband will love the child you create together. Be it a boy or a girl, your child will be unique and will have a love all of their very own.