I Seriously Think I Married The Most Boring Man In The World or is this just life?
Hi Niki, I think it's hard sometimes to get the whole story across here on Y/A. I can relate to some of the things you're complaining about. I think after being with someone for awhile they can grate on our nerves in general & rub us the wrong way. My fiance has his moments were he is embarrassing and well I don't personally think he is funny. He is brilliant in math, science but is so left brained. He doesn't have a romantic bone in his body either. Try focusing on his good traits he has, when he tells a bad joke you don't have to fake it just smile at the fact that he tried to be funny. Some people just don't have a riveting sense of humor. Accept him for how he is but in the typical female way try to bring out his traits that you do appreciate. Go on an adventure together, don't be resentful that you had to plan it all, hey at least you get full control. Inject some joy and laughter into your lives, do things you would normally never do. And tell him that you love it when he is clean shave, what scents you like him to wear, what clothes you like him to wear and that you love when he thinks of romantic things to do on his own, and reward the effort eventually he will get the hang of it with your support and guidance. Also you need to work on becoming attracted to him first because if he tried to do *anything* romantic with you right now, I bet you would just get turned off. Don't rule out couples counseling and whatever you do try not to let your feelings show to your son. That is the only part I found harsh. Go see comedians together, take up a new hobby together, work out together, but most importantly tell him in a respectful way that you feel restless and need some excitement and fun in your life together. I'm sure he will understand and do what it takes to make you happy. He sounds like a great guy but just clueless, clue him in, tell him it is *very important* he be involved and show interests in things you care about and in making your lives together more interesting. Wish you luck!
Whats generally works better relationship wise 2 introverted people, 2 extroverted or 1 of each?
This is kinda hard to answer because it always depends on the indivduals and how well they mesh together whatever their personality may be. Some people may say an introvert and extrovert would make a good couple because they balance each other out and some might say two of the same would work because they have a lot in common. But again two extroverts can be unsuccessful because they both are highly social and oftentimes wild and that can lead to problems such as jealousy and deep insecurity. And two introverts might be unsuccessuful because they both are not very outgoing and like to stay at home - oftentimes leading to boredom, complacency, monotony in the relationship. So again, it depends on the indivduals and how well they mesh together. Good question though.
How is the life of an introvert after marriage? How much do they interact with husband's friends? How do they behave with mother-in-law?
I think I can relate to this as I am introvert myself.When I got married, I was worried as I was going into a huge joint family that was really tight! I knew that I would be never alone. There would always be someone with me.Initially, it was tough. I longed for my own personal time. And so I became quite moody and temperamental. There were instances when everyone would leave me alone for some time after that. But when I came out my surly mood, there would be no one around to come back as my had mood would drive them away.That was a wake up call. I realised that if I considered just my personal space that would be really selfish of me. And it might deter people from talking to me which I did not want. So I decided to make some slight changes. I started looking all of my me time and took a long period of me time after regular intervals ensuring.This helped as I could ask for some time off every month/ 2 months. This helped me to be there for my new family as well as for myself.Slowly, my need for my me time started reducing. My me time started shrinking and I use to get recharged just by being with people. Albeit, the right people (my family).That's how marriage changes you.
My wife is so shy and introverted that I'm embarresed to go out with other couples.?
Let me start by saying that I love my wife more than anything on Earth and I wouldn't trade her for ANY woman. But everyone has SOMETHING about their significant other they'd change if they could. I'm a very outgoing, friendly "people person". I'm not shy at all and often hold conversations with complete strangers wherever my wife and I go. She's the EXACT opposite. She's very shy and quiet around strangers but a little more lively around people she knows well (but not that much even then). Her and I have a GREAT relationship because we're each others best friends. We're both from other states but we've been living in Texas now for about 6 or 7 years so we have our long time friends back home, but not many here. But honestly, we have so much fun with just the two of us that we often don't feel we need other people. Now I know its healthy to have friends that we hang out with separately and she has a couple that live kinda far away and so do I, but we don't see them often. But what I think is really missing is us having other couples we hang out with together. I have a couple of friends who have really nice, interesting wives. I like these guys and enjoy talking to them, but I'm afraid to have dinner with the four us ( either couple, my wife and I), because I KNOW my wife isn't going to say much and entertain the other wife. We've tried this a couple of times before and it was just me doing the talking for both of us and quite frankly it was a little embarrassing. So I guess my question is, should I just NOT do couples dates and except the fact that my wife is just introverted and not a people person, or should we keep trying, hoping she'll come out of her shell once she gets a little more comfortable with the coupes?
I need help with a paradigm shift in thinking on my marriage. Can you help me clear my mind?
If neither one of you are doing the dishes and your excuse is that it is probably the other person's "turn".... sounds like two lazy people. If the kids stay up until 11 because she didn't put them to bed at 9 and you didn't do so at 10... again, two lazy people. In other words, instead of anyone taking any power upon themselves and actually DOING, you two are both pretending it is more powerful to blame the other for indecision. You are right. That is not a working plan. But it is also not actually the situation you claim to be happening. Get up and get it done. If you need to make a hat trick out of it (little pieces of paper with the chores/rules and you take turns picking them) or buy a Magic 8 ball... get it done. What you are calling indecisive sounds a whole lot like laziness. There are a lot of kids running around with fairly well meaning parents who didn't actually bother to parent them. Just kept them alive, sometimes even clean and well fed and clothed, but not parented. And the resulting adults are crippled by that. Is it possible that both you and your wife came from households that didn't actually parent and teach and enforce? Too bad! Buy a book!
Why is this guy so indifferent to everybody??!?
I have this enormous crush on this guy at university, but he is so indifferent to everything and everybody. I don't know why I am SO drawn to this guy. He has this cute, attractive look to him, has big muscles (nice arms) and he's so damn smart. He never says a word unless forced too, and even then, just says little as possible. But the things he does say are very intelligent. How could an attractive guy like this be such an antisocial person? He doesn't seem shy, just antisocial. The teacher could make a joke, and the whole class would burst out laughing, and then I would turn to see him, stoic look on his face, just looking down and writing in his notebook. I have never seen him smile or even smirk at ANYTHING. You could tell him a joke and he’ll just nod in acknowledgment. It makes me feel sorry for him, because I don't know what's wrong with him. Nobody seems to know squat about this guy because he says very little to the people who actually attempt a conversation. He isn't rude, but does give this vibe like he wants to be left alone. I never see him at any parties or events. I did found out though through some detective work that he plays guitar, enjoys philosophy, and really enjoys writing, poetry and short stories. This guy could be SO popular in a heartbeat. Why does he act like this? Did something happen to him that makes him hate people? I am so obsessed with this guy and I do not know why. The fact he is so indifferent to everybody just makes me want him more? How do I deal with my feelings?
My husband is constantly irritated, or in a bad mood?
I just don't understand why? I've even gotten to the point of telling him, seriously that if he wasn't happy with his life to change it. He insists that he's happy with me, and loves me, but I swear I haven't seen him seriously smile all week. He constantly complains about everything, and gets super upset over the smallest things, especially money. He obsesses over finances and money, more than ever now since we're buying a house. I know he isn't cheating; I've known him for a very long time, and if he didn't want to be with me, he simply wouldn't. I'm just out of ideas to make him enjoy life and loosen up; I feel like I can't have any fun whenever he's around. I've talked to him about all of this, but nothing changes, and he refuses to have a real conversation without getting angry or butt hurt. Unless, of course, the conversation is about money.It couldn't be our sex life, because we're very..."active" in that department and we've never had a serious problem in the bedroom. I'm a very passionate and loving person, but I feel that the passed year married to him has been draining that out of me. His bad moods and constant stress are tangible. What more can I do to help me be happy? I feel like I'm running around constantly trying to please him to no avail. Is there something I'm missing?